When it comes to wedding planning, brides get a bad rap.
The term bridezilla was born in 1995, when a Boston Globe article used it to describe “brides who are particularly difficult and obnoxious.” The word now has its own reality series and entry in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, and, sadly, it looks like we’re stuck with it.
But guess what, ladies? We are not the only ones guilty of taking things justtttt a little bit too far in the wedding-planning process. Grooms have their diva moments too. Take the guy who demanded a white dance floor for an extra $10,000 or the GQ writer who renamed himself “the bride”. This can all cause tensions to run high, especially when both parties are, shall we say, “passionate” about the wedding-day details.
"I know it’s often out of the norm for a groom to be so closely involved in wedding planning, but do be open to his suggestions,” says celebrity wedding planner Mindy Weiss. “Remember, while he shouldn’t completely take over the planning, the day is about the two of you as a couple, so his opinion counts just as much as yours.”
With that in mind, here are six tips, care of the experts, on how to deal with a “groomzilla.” And remember—the end goal of wedding planning is a celebration of love. Try not to dwell on the minor details!
Start Off With Solid Communication
Communication is the most important part of a relationship, and it applies arguably more than ever during the wedding-planning process. "I’ve seen so many emotions boil up simply because they weren’t discussed from the get-go,” says Weiss. "Each of you should communicate what your vision is for your wedding from the very beginning. If you disagree on something, don’t let it fester; address it immediately.”
You have your opinions, and he has his. Naturally, the best way to make both parties happy is to meet in the middle. Weiss suggests sitting down together to prioritize which details are most important to each of you, then discuss who gets final say in a few key decisions.
Take Some Time Off
Wedding planning can eat at your relationship in any circumstance, so it’s important to periodically give yourself a day or two away from the stress. "If you find your emotions at an all-time high, take a couple days off,” says Weiss. "Go on a quick getaway, schedule a fun date night, or even stay home and binge on Netflix and takeout.” Just make sure there’s no wedding talk. Keep all planning discussions off-limits.
If it feels like the groom is totally taking over, have an honest conversation about which tasks belong to which person. "I find it helpful to find out the top three areas of the wedding he cares most about and delegate those key items to him,” says Marilisa Schachinger of Martel Events. "Often his strongest preferences involve the menu, the entertainment, and the getaway car.” Direct his focus to a few key details that are most important to him, and that way everyone feels like they’re playing an equal role in the planning.
Differentiate Between "Me" and "We" Decisions
While most wedding-day decisions affect both parties, there are some things that should stay 100 percent up to you. "There are joint decisions that need to be made together, as well as decisions that need to be made on your own, and those such as your shoes, hair, and bridesmaids' dresses that are individual decisions," says Jessica Janik of the Invisible Bridesmaid. When it comes to things that are personal and particularly important to you, stand your ground.
Kill Him With Kindness
As the old saying goes, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." You're much more likely to avoid difficult confrontations by being kind than rude or passive-aggressive. "You are much more likely to get through to a thickheaded groomzilla if you meet him halfway and on his playing field," says Jenny Orsini of Jenny Orsini Events. "Take him out to his favorite restaurant or plan a beautiful night at home and cook him his favorite meal. Express your excitement about being engaged and how the wedding planning is going to be so much fun! But really put emphasis on how wedding planning is a partnership just like the union of marriage is. Tell him how happy it makes you when the two of you make decisions together. And you should compromise. So should he."