How to Buy a Vibrator for Your Partner

The gift of sexual pleasure keeps on giving

Updated 05/01/18
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Buying a vibrator for a partner, while fun and adventurous, is a very intimate act. It’s a leap of faith for both of you. You’re buying something that will hopefully ignite her and/or both of your sexual pleasure and take your sex life to new heights.

The fabulous thing is, vibrators are great presents! They show you are open-minded and care about your partner’s orgasm. They are the gift that keeps on giving, and giving, and giving, and giving...

Anyway! If you’re looking to give your partner some ideas on what you’d like for your next birthday, send him or her this article. Everyone needs a place to start, whether it's a vibrator you’re buying for a partner to use alone or as a couple.

Here is how you buy a vibrator for your partner (without freaking anyone out).

Have a conversation with your partner

This vibrator present can be a surprise, but that doesn’t mean you spring sex toys on someone without some consideration and communication. Is your partner interested in sex toys? This is definitely a question you’ll have to answer before going out to buy one.

If this is your partner’s first vibrator experience, you’ll probably want him or her to come with you, or at least give you some specific direction on what would or wouldn't work for them. Some vibrators are enormous and can be quite intimidating. Perhaps a gyrating rabbit toy is a bit much for this beginner.

That being said, even if your partner is definitely, 100 percent into sex toys, you have to know if they’d be comfortable with you buying one for them. Talk it through. You don’t have to say, “I’m planning to buy you a vibrator,” but “I’d love to pick a sex toy for us to use. What would you be interested in if I ever did that?” would work nicely.

Check out their sex toy collection for ideas

Now, if your partner already has sex toys you can use this to your advantage. If you’re a bit puzzled as to where to begin, check out what goodies they have. Look at the shapes of the vibrator(s). If you aren’t sure what you’re looking at, snap a pic or two to bring shopping.

Turn the vibrators on. Are the vibrations more rumbly or tingly? Take note of these things as they offer different sensations to the vulva and clitoris.

Vibrators are dynamic. There really is something for everyone. Maybe your partner is more of a jewelry person? That’s OK. There are vibrators that not only look like jewelry, but are legitimately plated in rose gold, silver, and 24 carat gold. Unbound makes pieces of jewelry that double as sex toys, too! See, isn’t this fun?

When in doubt, choose a vibrator on the small side (check out some options here and here). Pick a toy in a neutral color such as a light pink or seafoam green. This is your first time out of sex toy gate. It’s best to err on the side of caution. You can always upgrade to more adventurous toys later.

Shop in the right places

If you’ve never shopped in a great sex store (or any sex shop, for that matter), you may not know where to start. Worse still, you could wind up in some seedy store or on a trashy website that makes the whole adventure creepy and weird. Don’t be that person!

Luckily, we know the best places to buy sex toys. Set your expectations high. Your sex toy shopping experience should be low-key, informative, and great. You want high-quality products made of body-safe materials.

If you’re shopping online, check out Good Vibrations, Your Sexual PSA, Babeland and The Pleasure Chest. Some of these places may have a brick and mortar location nearby. Check out the websites for more information.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help

The people who work at these shops are knowledgeable, inclusive, and sex-positive. They want to help you and make you feel welcomed. They are happy you’re buying a sex toy—they are happy for YOU!

Sex toy shopping should be a fun thing to do. Don’t get too stressed out over it. The gift of sexual pleasure is one that we should all give to our partners. Kudos to you for going out and making it happen.

Gigi Engle is a sex educator and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.

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