Oral sex can often be a divisive issue, especially when it comes to men being on the giving side rather than the receiving. Just look at the recent revelation from DJ Khaled, that he won't perform oral sex on his wife, but expects it from her (and the subsequent amazing responses from other celebs...we see you the Rock).
This double standard is simply ridiculous, and it's high time women feel more than comfortable asking for (and getting) oral. Especially if the cunnilingus has become few and far between in your relationship.
Don’t worry. You’re not alone. In long-term relationships it sometimes happens that oral sex sort of falls off the sexual menu. Sex becomes routine. One and done. Less work. Asking for more oral sex sounds scary.
There are a few approaches you can take to getting more head. And we have the answers. Because you deserve it.
Have an open and honest conversation
It may sound trite, but ask for what you want. A sexually confident woman knows what she wants and she asks for it. Here is the thing: If you don’t ask, you’re not going to get it.
Are you OK with spending the rest of your days without frequent cunnilingus? Yeah, we didn’t think so. You can even bring up some fun anatomy. When your clitoris is stimulated, you’re going to be better prepared for penetrative sex. When a woman has an orgasm during foreplay, studies have shown that sex is more satisfying. This means MORE SEX, MORE OFTEN. Yay, science!
Let your partner know that sex is a lot better for you when you’re aroused. The best way for them to get you there? Head. It’s always head. Every time.
Obviously penetration and other forms of stimulation are great, but nothing beats cunnilingus.
Keep it positive
You don’t want to address the situation in an openly hostile way. Now, you might be frustrated with the lack of frequency with which your partner puts their head between your legs, but telling them they are a neglectful POS is not going to get you more oral.
Instead of, “I need more head or we’re never having sex again,” try some of the following options when broaching the topic (feel free to make these more dirty):
- I love it when you go down on me. Can you do it more?
- It feels amazing when your mouth is on me. I’d love to explore that more often.
- You’re so talented at giving head. Your skills rock. Get down there and show me.
This way you’re keeping things positive. It’s a conversational upswing. You’re establishing this is something your partner is good at doing. When your partner says a certain sex thing turns them on, you’re going to want to do it. Praise is the key in all of this.
It’s quite possible your spouse doesn’t even know he or she isn’t going down on you enough. This will make them aware of it in a way where everyone feel good about themselves.
Make it a part of dirty talk
If you want to take the positive motif a little further, make it a part of foreplay and dirty talk. Focus the conversation on him or her going down on you.
Whether you’re more naturally dominant or submissive in the sack, you can make it work for you. If you partner usually leads, tell him or her you want them to go down on your while holding your wrists to the bed. HOT!
If you’re the more dominant partner, tell him or her to service you. Getting a bit feisty is sexy. You will turn your partner on with the dirty talk, and get head as a result. This is a win-win for both of you.
Just remember, unless it’s part of your natural dynamic, don’t push your partner’s head down. That’s rude. You wouldn’t want them to do that to you.
You should be getting some if you’re giving some
Last but not least, let’s talk about one-sided head. It often comes about that one person is giving all the blowjobs or cunnilingus and one person is doing all of the receiving. This is not fair and does not an egalitarian sex life make.
If your partner expects head, but isn’t willing to give it, that's unacceptable—don't be like DJ Khaled. The situation needs to be addressed. Both you and your partner are entitled to sexual satisfaction. This is going to take another open and honest conversation, but one-sided head can be used as a useful tool change the script.
If you let your partner know that if he or she expects to receive, they are going to need to give—well, that can work out in your favor quite nicely. Fair is fair!