One thing you find out when you're planning a wedding is how lax folks have become when it comes to RSVPing. This leaves you and your fiancé chasing down the RSVPs yourself, sometimes repeatedly contacting your guests in order to secure a firm yes or no.
And that can cause brides to feel frustrated (as if you don't have enough to do right now), mad ("Hey, we're spending $150 per person here!"), and even a bit humiliated ("Um, are you coming to my wedding? I feel really vulnerable having to ask"). Some brides get offended and hurt, taking the lack of little response cards in their mailbox as indications that their weddings aren't important to others.
Don't go there. The only person you're hurting is yourself. Because here's what really happens: Your guest sees your gorgeous invitation in the mail. Opens it. Is filled with excitement for you. Thinks about the flights she needs to book and the dress she's going to wear. Tosses your invitation onto a pile of really important bills. Then goes on with her busy little life. Your guest has every intention to RSVP with her plus-one, but instead her to-do pile grows higher and higher. On top of your invitation, which is not out of sight. But not out of mind.
Instead of seeing red, keep this real-life scenario top of mind when you make those awkward calls. Don't be angry, offended, or hurt, just be matter-of-fact: "Hey, I know you're really busy. We're finalizing the numbers for our wedding, and we're just confirming you're coming."
Cut your guests and yourself a break. Seriously, who knows when you might overlook a response card under a pile of bills? No relationship is worth damaging because of one overlooked RSVP.
Allison Moir-Smith, MA, is the author of Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surviving the "Happiest" Time of Her Life and has been helping brides feel happier, calmer and better prepared for marriage since 2002. She is a bridal counselor, an expert in engagement anxiety and cold feet, and the founder of Emotionally Engaged Counseling for Brides.