How to Talk to Your Friends About Wedding Stress Without Stressing Them Out Too

Just because you're on edge, doesn't mean they also need to be

Updated 05/07/19

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The only way you’re going to get through your pre-wedding adventure is with a squad of amazing friends by your side. What’s better than being able to pick up the phone or knock on the door of someone who is patient, reasonable, and has a way of just putting you in your place when you get dramatic and frustrated about all the wedding stress that’s on your plate?

The thing is, the more you dump your wedding stress on the laps of your friends and family, the more they will start to feel stressed too. Stress rubs off easily and what you don’t want to do is push away the people you need the most.

So how do you talk about your wedding problems without your friends hanging up the phone on you or rolling their eyes? Here are four tips to keep in mind so that you don’t alienate your nearest and dearest with your own stress.

1. Keep It on a Schedule

Your go-to move might just be picking up the phone and dialing your friends every time you’re feeling bogged down by wedding drama and stress. Talking to someone about what is going on can help you take a deep breath. But the truth is, when all you do is turn to friends to unload your wedding problems, you’re passing unnecessary stress onto them. Plus, it can make them feel like that’s all you talk about, and slowly you’ll push them away. Space out your phone calls and texts and maybe keep it to one or two conversations about wedding stress a month.

Even though your to-do list is long and won’t stop growing, make sure to sincerely check in with them about their lives too. That gives them the energy to be there for you when you need them.

2. Do It With an Activity

Wedding stress conversations can be a total mood killer. But when these chats are done at paint-and-sip night or a nice hike it can help de-escalate the entire talk (and help you relieve stress!). When you’re doing an activity or you're just out and about, you might find yourself in a calmer mood rather than when you just pick up the phone and dump your problems on your friend. Ditch the texts and calls and instead, spill some of your wedding problems on an afternoon out doing something so that you friend doesn’t feel like your drama is their whole life.

3. Ask Before You Spill the Details

While making wedding decisions may be your top priority, you might be bothering your friends or family with your headaches during times that aren’t good for them—for example when they're at work or dealing with their own personal issues. Before jumping into all of the things you’re dealing with, first ask them if now is a good time or if they’d rather hear about it later. Be conscious of their attitude, time, and mood before potentially adding more to their plate.

4. Let Them Know How to Help

A lot of what can instantly make your bridesmaids, friends, or family feel stressed out is that after you tell them all about what is going on, they are left feeling like they have no idea how they can help you. Decide ahead of time how your bridesmaids can help so that when you are venting to them, there’s something you can ask them to do (within reason) to make things less stressful for you. If you know one friend is good at scoring the best deals, perhaps you ask them to look at your budget and help you find the best vendors at the best rates.

If another friend is good with dealing with people, perhaps you ask them to write you a script so you can politely tell your mother-in-law to back off.

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