There can be a lot of of pressure for your wedding night to be like a steamy scene straight out of Outlander. But in reality, many couples are not having sex on their wedding night anymore. (There, we said it.) It makes sense: an increasing number of couples already have a sexual history with each other, so the wedding night isn't exactly the consummating event it used to be in ye olden days. Plus, weddings are exhausting. Many times, it's less Jamie and Claire, and more In N Out and cuddles—and that's 100 percent okay.
We spoke to real-life couples to get the details on what actually happened on their wedding nights.
Card Games And Champagne
"My wife and I are both in the military, and at the time we got married, [gay marriage] wasn't legal in the state that we were stationed in. Our commands let us travel to the closest state in which same-sex marriages were allowed, so we had to travel to North Carolina with only three days notice (since they had passed same-sex marriage when we originally had planned to get married in Maryland). Due to the last minute change we ended up getting married in our hotel room by my dad, who became ordained online the day before with my mom and sister as the witnesses. (If we were to have had a courthouse wedding it would have been hosted at the county jail, because the city magistrate was having his office renovated and had moved there...we thought it better to not marry in a prison.)
We spent our wedding night going out to dinner with everyone at a Brazilian grill and having some amazing food. The staff even brought us out a special dessert to celebrate, which we really thought was sweet since that isn't always the reaction you expect when telling someone that two women just got married. We had some drinks and went back to the hotel where my new wife and family all played card games while drinking champagne and eating red velvet cake. Not exactly a traditional wedding night but I enjoyed every moment of it.
We plan to have a full on ceremony/reception event once our contracts are over and we make it back to Oregon, so everyone we want can make it to celebrate. So, maybe in a bit over a year we will have another wedding night to talk about." — Sam
Sick And Tired
"My hubby ended up getting food poisoning the night before our wedding. We spent the night before our wedding at the ER and left the hospital around 3am, and then got married at 9am then next morning. Spent the rest our wedding day in and out of slumber, in our fancy hotel robes with a rom com on in the background. Catching up on sleep in our honeymoon suite was a relaxing way to end the festivities." —Ashley
In N Out and Netflix
"We got married on a Wednesday during my lunch break. I found out an acquaintance in my office building was ordained, so in order to get my wife’s immigration paperwork filed timely, she put on her best blazer and jeans and met me at noon. I grabbed a workmate to be the witness and we tied the knot outside in a grassy area in front of the entrance to an LA Fitness. We both cried and kissed and posed for photos until my hour was up. That evening when I finished, I picked her up and headed straight to In N Out, which we both agreed would be the ONLY place to celebrate. We giggled and gazed into one another’s eyes between bites of our double-doubles; and after, we stopped at Trader Joe’s for a bottle of moderately-priced sparkling wine which we finished while snuggled on the couch watching Netflix." —Tenley
Pizza > Sex
"There aren’t many details to say other than when your venue allows you to stock your own bar, rest assured that you, your new husband and 90 percent of your guests will leave the party pretty drunk. In fact, my inebriated husband was looking for his wallet so he could pay the DJ and venue a combined $1,000 to keep the reception going for another hour. Thankfully he didn’t bring his wallet. So, we went to the hotel where we ordered room service pizza.
He passed out and I took a bubble bath in our amazing marble tub by myself. And enjoyed every minute of it. Once you’ve lived with your fiancé, I feel like the pressure to have the cliche 'romantic' wedding night goes right out the window. Plus, pizza > sex." —Ashley
Too Much Alcohol, Not Enough Sleep
"I was up early to get my hair and makeup done, and was just running around all day doing the usual wedding stuff—pictures, ceremony, and reception. Afterwards my new husband and I partied with some of the groomsmen and didn't get home until 2am, intoxicated. Since I'd been up from 7am by that point. I was way too tired to do anything. I tried to remove as many hairpins out of my hair as possible, gave up 75 percent of the way there, and just fell asleep. No sexy time." —Diane
One Word: Karaoke
"After the reception I sang karaoke, and then went back to the room to do shots of cherry vodka, and then wrestled with my best friend on the bed in my wedding dress. Also, I should note that my other best friend payed the karaoke jockey $100 to stay open later so I could sing." —Amanda