You may find this hard to believe, but wedding vendors really don't care about all the juicy gossip and personal drama going on behind the scenes of your wedding festivities. Every wedding has it, but it's none of our business unless it affects your events.
Yes, it's important to make sure that your wedding planner is in the loop if your parents don't speak to your sister, or if other groups must be seated a safe distance apart when your vendors are dressing the tables and putting out the table numbers. But they really only need to know the basics: Who the problem people are and what we can expect them to do at the wedding.
Your vendors doesn't really need to know why your mother left your father for the pool boy, whom she is bringing to your wedding as her date. They just need to know that your father has hit him before and there could be issues after a couple of cocktails. That's the appropriate amount of information to share — ahead of time — with whomever is responsible for keeping your wedding running smoothly.
It's actually fascinating the way that family members and wedding guests spill all the juiciest tidbits to the wedding planning team. Not just to me, a wedding planner, but my interns get an earful too. They could make an entire show just out of the conversations we have amongst ourselves via headset during weddings when people get drunk and jaws start flapping. If your mom's best friend is a notorious gossip at home, you won't believe how much she'll spill during the actual wedding. It all goes into the category of "Thing You Cannot Make Up."
Here's the thing — we don't really have time to gossip and chitchat during your wedding festivities. We'll make polite small talk and gush about how beautiful our brides and grooms are, and we answer a lot of touristy questions about living here on a remote Caribbean island (my company is based in Puerto Rico). But we have things to do and you're not going to find us participating in a snark session with drunk wedding guests. That's just not professional behavior. And we're too busy even when it's fascinating stuff.
Give your planner the appropriate heads up in advance and then, if something goes down during your wedding weekend, keep her in the loop so she's aware of the fact that your grandmother and your aunt got into a fight after the welcome party. We'll do a better job putting the kybosh on situations when the stuff hits the fan after they've been drinking at the reception. But don't feel like you have to tell us everything. Your guests will be happy to fill in the gaps.
Sandy Malone is the owner of Sandy Malone Weddings & Events, a full-service traditional and destination wedding planning company and Do-It-Yourself wedding planning consulting service for DIY brides and grooms based in the Washington, DC area. Sandy is the star of TLC's reality show "Wedding Island," about her destination wedding planning company, Weddings in Vieques. Sandy's book "How to Plan Your Own Destination Wedding: Do-It-Yourself Tips from an Experienced Professional," will be released on March 1st, but is available online for pre-orders now where books are sold.