The question isn't whether you want to know your soon-to-be husband's number — and you know we're not talking about his phone number. After all, according to Andrea Syrtash, relationship expert and author of Cheat on Your Husband (With Your Husband), "It's normal to want to know about your partner's romantic and sexual past. It's a way of learning more about him or her — and also quenching your curiosity!"
The question really is why you want to know his number. "Most people who ask believe they will be comforted by the answer or learn something new that is important to know," Syrtash says. "In reality, finding out your partner's number probably won't help you much."
In fact, simply learning a digit could create a problem in your relationship that shouldn't exist. "If the number is staggeringly high, you may wonder if he'll have a wandering eye in your relationship," Syrtash says. "If the number is too low, you may not believe him or question his experience and skills in the bedroom. There is a chance, of course, that the number will be fine and not affect you either way — but in that case, what's the point."
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So if you're curious about your partner's sexual past, the best thing to do is move the conversation away from a number you can't control and toward something that will benefit you both. Consider asking questions about your significant other's past experiences, suggests Syrtash. What did he learn? What didn't work? "In your conversation, focus on quality information, not quantity," she says.
If you feel you must know his number, then keep an open mind when you ask — and try to keep a poker face when he responds. "Whatever you do, you should try not to judge or criticize since that's a conversation killer," says Syrtash.
Remember that "having different number of sexual partners doesn't mean you're not compatible," she says. "If, however, it reflects your values — one of you is a virgin and the other has had so many partners he or she has lost count! — it may be worth a discussion to make sure your needs are aligned."
Do you know your partner's number? Let us know on Twitter at @BRIDES!