It’s almost always a thrill to find out a friend is getting married. After all, who doesn’t love more reasons to celebrate? But if you’re not the biggest fan of your friend’s fiancé, it can be hard to get on the bandwagon and share in the excitement. What’s a friend to do when an engagement doesn’t feel like good news? Our experts have a few tips.
It’s always hard to see a friend dating someone you don’t think is right for them, no matter the reason. And when dating turns into an engagement, you might feel even more conflicted. You want to see your friend happy, of course, but you also want what’s best for them. It can be hard to know what the right answer is, especially because you’re viewing their relationship as an outsider (no matter how many details you think you know).
The most important thing to remember is that, if you don’t think your friend is safe in her relationship, seek help immediately. Talk to her one-on-one, and let her know that you are there to help and support her if she needs assistance removing herself from a dangerous situation. Reach out to local resources that can offer advice and support.
If you know your friend is safe, but you’re just not her fiancé’s biggest fan, proceed with caution. It’s not worth losing a friendship just because you don’t love the person she’s going to marry. Think about why you don’t like him or her. Did they do something to offend you? If so, was it on purpose, or could it have been a misunderstanding? Do they have a habit that bugs you (such as really strong political opinions or bad manners)? Think about whether it’s a situation you can avoid, and if the relationship your friend has with their fiancé outweighs the fact that their actions rub you the wrong way. You may be able to handle having them around more if you can be selective about when and how you see one another.
If you decide it needs to be addressed, be smart about it. Instead of telling your friend to ditch her fiancé, find a calm and private time to talk and focus on the facts. If you’re concerned about whether or not she’s happy, make the conversation about her. Ask if everything is alright, and say that you’ve noticed she hasn’t been her usual exuberant self. If it’s a habit or pattern you’ve noticed, see if she has any advice for how you and her fiancé could be better friends — she does, after all, know this person better than you do!
And if it turns out the things that bug you have never bothered her before, consider trying to spend more time one-on-one with your friend, and less time together as a group. That way you’ll still have the benefit of her friendship, without worrying about spending time with someone you don’t really like.