Whether you're picking your bridesmaids or have been asked to be one, there's a huge amount of responsibility and meaning attached to the role. Unfortunately, personal problems can often get in the way of what should be a joyous connection between a bride and a member of her bridal party. We found two sensitive scenarios that may cause a rift between two friends or family members, as well as etiquette expert-approved solutions.
I asked my best friend from college to be my matron of honor for my same-sex ceremony. She said yes and has been supportive, but I can tell she's uncomfortable with the idea of my marriage. Should I let her off the hook?
You need to talk openly with your friend. Let her know that you sense her discomfort, but don't say anything that implies prejudice on her part. She may have a problem you don't know about, such as difficulty with her family, financial constraints, or simply nerves at being in the ceremony. Whatever the issue, tell her the role is her choice and that you won't be offended if she drops out. If she decides to take you up on this, you might talk about another way she could be involved in the ceremony — a reading, a toast, or something like that.
I have been asked by my good friend to be one of her bridesmaids. I'm overweight, and my mother thinks that unless I decide to lose some weight, I should decline.
It goes without saying that friends' looks (or pregnancy, disability, height, etc.) are not the criteria for selection of a bridesmaid. Unless you personally feel uncomfortable taking on the role, you may accept with love and happiness. For brides who have friends or relatives who decline because they aren't comfortable in the role of attendant, be understanding. You must respect their decision not to accept.