Another guide to good, hot, nasty sex?! It may seem frivolous to hand out tips on rough sex (isn’t it intuitive?!?), but it’s important. No one needs to endure an injury after a wild romp. When we say “rough” sex, we mean dirty, all-down, crazy, hard, intense sex.
Rough sex doesn’t necessarily mean BDSM of any kind. You can have rough AF sex without tying anyone to the bed or bringing out a riding crop. Rough is more of a characterization of the intention and mood of sex. What “rough” means to you will vary. It usually refers to that animalistic sex. The can’t-get-enough-of-you, tear-my-clothes-off, give-it-to-me-now kind of sex.
With all sexual activity, there are safer, healthier ways to have it than just going forth and banging each other until neither one of you can walk. You can have aggressive sex without damaging anyone’s body.
Here is how to properly have rough sex. Go forth and enjoy!
Discuss boundaries and be clear about them
If you and your partner are interested in having rough sex, be aware of what you do and do not want. Think hard about what would turn you on during rough sex. Do you like the idea of being held down, of feeling submissive, of being dominant and pinning your partner’s arms to the bed?
Read up on rough sex and sexual power dynamics. Any information you find will be useful. Well, probably. Here is a helpful guide we approve of (other than this one, of course), which you can refer to if need be.
Knowing which role both you and your partner want to have makes it hotter and easier to enjoy dirty, rough sex. Talk it through. You haven’t tried hard, intense intercourse and other sexual acts, you need to be aware of what turns you on. Move forward with caution. Don’t hesitate to slow down if anything hurts, feels uncomfortable, or straight up isn’t working for you.
Use lots of lube
If you’re get rough during sex, don’t just go thrusting into a vagina (with either fingers or a penis) without proper lubrication. The vagina is tough as hell where it counts, but it is layered in soft mucus-rich skin that needs to be treated with care. If you go roughly banging it around, you can cause pain and even micro-abrasions.
Stick with either a silicone or water-based lube. The wetter the better when it comes to rough sex. For more on lube and which one is right for you, check out our complete guide right here.
“Rough” does not mean “no clitoral stimulation”
Check it. Doing it hard and rough does not mean the clitoris gets ignored. Do not forget this. It is important information. When you get caught up in the moment, thrusting and making out, you or your partner might get wrapped up in the intercourse and forget your orgasm.
Pay attention to the clit. Make it a part of the rough sex. Grab a vibrator and rub it on the glands in a dirty, kinky way. Tell your partner how good this makes you feel. Don’t be afraid to add in a ton of dirty talk.
It’s not just intercourse! Rough can also mean holding your partner down and spreading their thighs out for oral sex, showing them who is in control. Pin their hands to their side and make it clear this intense oral sex is completely your game. Don’t be afraid to bring in sex toys. Rough sex is a good opportunity to change up the routine and experiment.
Rough does not mean painful. Rough should be dirty, hot, and amazing. Your clitoris still reigns supreme. Rough means: You still have an orgasm.
Communicate any likes or dislikes
Don’t be afraid to say what you’re enjoying and what you’re not. If you’re new to rough sex, you may think you need to lie back and take what your partner gives you, so to speak. You might feel a bit unclear of how you feel and might need a few minutes (or even days) to process.
Check in after you’re finished having sexy time. Compare what each of you enjoyed about the experience. If there were any changes you’d like to make, say so. The most important thing about any sexual play is that both people enjoy themselves and walk away feeling good about themselves.
Aftercare is critical. It is a time to cuddle and recalibrate the intimacy you share with your partner. Rough sex can be emotionally trying. It’s necessary to check in and make sure your partner knows that you’re empathetic to their feelings (and visa versa).