Calling all exhibitionists! If you’re interested in having sex outside (you know who you are!), but are also like, “But it’s winter,” we’ve got the guide right here. That’s right! You can have sex outside during the winter; you just have to make sure you’re doing it correctly. When attempted improperly, one could end up with a cold or even frostbite in some unseemly places.
You don’t want that. We don’t want that for you.
Now, these tips are only approved for 30 degrees or over. We’re not condoning trying to get it on in the midst of a polar vortex (but seriously, what is going on with the weather right now?) If it is -5 outside, stay inside. Now is the time to do it by a wood burning fireplace, not an evergreen tree.
Assuming the weather is a normal cold and not a hypothermia-just-from-stepping-outside cold, here are 5 tips for getting it on outdoors during the wintertime.
Dress warmly, but efficiently
You want to dress warmly since it’s super cold outside, but you still need to think through what you’re wearing from a sex standpoint. Now is not the time for a zip-up-the-front snowsuit or a pair of compression leggings. These ensemble choices may be cozy, but they will not work for wintertime exhibitionist sex.
Go for a pair of cozy sweatpants (cashmere is always best). Elastic bands are your friend. Use them to your advantage. You know what I mean here: Be able to pull them up and down quickly.
Winter is actually great for outdoor sex because of the sheer amount of clothing you’re dealing with. You’re so packed in layers, you and your partner could be doing anything to an outsider. It obscures the vision. In that vein, a puffy coat is a great choice. Just be sure it isn’t one that hangs past your knees.
Don’t forget waterproof boots. If you’re going to be standing in the outdoors for awhile, have congruent footwear. You know what isn’t sexy? Wet feet.
Blankets are everything
If you’re going to have sex (and it’s not in a forest or glade), do it somewhere where blankets are expected. They’re not only warm, but are ideal for incognito coitus.
If you want to give your partner a hand job in public, a horse drawn sleigh with a blanket over you is a better choice than, say, an ice rink. Both of these are extremely illegal so, proceed with caution.
If you’re out winter camping (yes, this is something people do)—you’re truly golden. You already have a ton of blankets and a fire. Sure, the tent is right there, but it’s fun doing it out in the open where the bears and forest animals can see you.
Keep it simple (and quick, tbh)
Now is not the time to whip out the crazy position you saw in Cosmo. Having sex outside is both tricky (hello, it is flu season!) and illegal. To avoid wind burn and possible jail time, keep it quick.
We recommend simple positions like standing doggy or three legged dog. Kneeling or lying down in the snow is not a great idea. You can hurt your knees on the ice and wind up wet and cold.
If you want to give or receive oral sex, assume a crouching position, or take advantage of your natural surroundings (like a tree trunk or a bench). Just remember, this is about the experience and thrill. Get it finished quickly and move on.
Use snow to your advantage
Snow can either be an advantage or a disadvantage, depending on how you play it. You want to use snow in a way that masks you from peeping humans, rather than highlighting your debauchery.
Don’t pick a sunny, clear day after fresh snow and then do it on a hill. Choose a hazy day after snow, one with piles you can hide behind. Wear clothes to blend well such as earthy greens, grey, and navy. Stay away from that bright red coat you love.
Stay out of the wind
It may be 33 degrees, but with that windchill it can feel like 9. When you’re choosing a place to get it on, pick one that is upwind or secluded. Because if you pull your pants down in the midst of a gust, you’re going to get windburn on your labia/penis. And this is not fun for anyone.