Every week, we give our readers a glimpse inside the mindset of a guy's brain on weddings with the help of the hilarious and smart editors at The Plunge. For their latest installment, they're giving us an inside look into a groom's thoughts at the altar.
We've given you plenty of advice and insights from the perspective of a soon-to-be-married man, but never before have we taken you inside the mind of the groom — until now. Below, for the first time, is an unfiltered look at the groom's train of thought as he stands at the altar on your wedding day. Maybe one day you'll give us the same view inside the mind of a bride. Maybe? Please? We can still dream. For now, fasten your seatbelts as we journey to the center of our brain! Please keep arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times and do not feed the animals.
Okay, made it down the aisle without falling over. So far so good.
*Eyes straight ahead. Smiling, smiling. Looking good, ladies and gents. What a handsome crowd we've got here today. *
Is my fly open? Eyes front! Here she comes...
*Wow! She looks amazing! I'm actually marrying her. I love her so much. How did I get so lucky? *
*Get lucky, now we're talking! Wonder what she's got on under that dress. *
*Dude, her dad is right there. You can't let him hear you saying that kind of stuff. *
*Idiot, only you can hear you. You can say whatever you want! *
Oh, right. Sweet!
*We're sure nobody else can hear this, right? *
*Focus! Here she is. My beautiful bride. *
Holy shit, my bride. The only woman I'll ever be with again. My God what have I done?
*Relax! You're supposed to be nervous, but this is no time to wet yourself with fear. Not with Nana watching. Be strong for Nana. *
*Damn, I'm sweating. Good thing I went with the extra armpit pad upgrade on this tux. Like a boss. *
*Look at her. She's amazing. She's perfect. She's like an angel. How could I have ever questioned this. This is incredible. I've never been so happy. Maybe that's what's so terrifying. *
Crap, did he just say, "Repeat after me?" Pay attention!
*Okay, I think I said all that right. Wow, this is really happening. *
*I can't stop smiling. My face is going to ache by the end of this day. And we still have to take all those pictures. I should have done my jaw stretches. *
Focus! Eyes on the bride's!
Wow, we're really flying through this thing. Not much left to do now except...
*"I do." *
Kiss my bride, you say? Well, then! Pucker up, buttercup!
*How's that for a grand finale? *
*And the crowd goes wild! Nobody even saw you sweating. Cool as the other side of the pillow. *
*Now grab her hand, dance up that aisle, and get ready to party. *
I love this woman!