The Groom's Guide to a Wedding Speech

How any groom can write a great wedding toast.

Wedding reception toast

Photo by Readyluck Photography

We gave our readers a glimpse inside the mindset of a guy's brain in regard to weddings with the help of the hilarious and smart editors at the Plunge. Here, they share a few tips for a groom's wedding speech.

As the bride, everyone and their mother (and probably even your mother) expects you to do a superhuman amount of planning work, with the implicit trade-off of not asking you to do a damn thing on your wedding day. So it's time to sit back, relax, and let your future spouse thank everyone who drove you insane for months. But for now, give yourself some peace of mind and offer them these key pointers to smooth out the process.

Be Romantic

At the ultimate celebration of true love, your partner better let everyone know how lucky he feels, instead of trying to look badass for his fraternity brothers. Assuming you've picked the right one, this won't be too hard for him. However, a reminder to look you in the eye, address you by name, and play up the moment won't hurt.

Be Funny

You love that charming sense of humor of his, right? Now is the time for him to show it off to your friends and family with some classic, funny anecdotes about how you met, how you can bench more than him, or some other hilariously self-deprecating tale. Just remember, as much as you both loved Ali Wong's latest special, this is about being funny, not telling jokes.

Be Original

This fine site has its own list of suggested quotes, but we highly recommend your groom go with sincerity over a randomly chosen ancient proverb. Even if his true feelings come off clichéd, that's better than filling his speech with the same corny quotes everyone else uses.

Be Gracious

Your parents deserve major thanks, whether they broke the bank for the wedding or not. Make sure he thanks his parents, too as well as those who traveled from afar to eat your cake and drink your beer.

Be Judicious

Giving thanks is one thing, but acknowledging everyone from the caterer to your photographer friend to the good lord who brought you together is the quickest way to lose an audience and get hit with the "wrap it up" music.

Be Prepared

Your groom will tell you he has already got it in his head, but he'll be happy he practiced when he is able to confidently deliver in the moment. If your partner continues to refuse to practice, remind him of all the hours he spent improving his Call of Duty ranking and ask if the biggest day of his life warrants that same dedication.

Be Quick

See? Isn't this one easier to read?

Be Smart

In the end, your groom just needs an intro welcoming the guests, a boatload of thank-yous, some humorous anecdotes, and a romantic closer. That's it. No need to reinvent the wheel.

Be Resourceful

Only in the most desperate situation—if your groom truly has no earthly idea where to start—would we advise you to have him find a canned speech online. There are actually websites that sell "conventional groom toasts." For $16, you fill in the blanks and they'll spit out a stock speech with the names preloaded. One such excerpt (with our fill-in-the-blank choices italicized):

"Rachel—in case anyone hadn't noticed—is the perfect wife, and I'm lucky she said, 'Yes.' I'm lucky to have someone who can tolerate my hairy back. And I'm lucky to have someone so kindhearted and fun to be with. Someone once wrote that a good marriage is 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust. On that basis, I'd say we're 100 percent ready for this."

While this isn't half bad, sincerity is better than Mad Libs. When in doubt, help him write something good, then clam up and raise your glass to his awesome toast. Your work is finally done.

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