What to Do if Your Groom Is Way More into Wedding Planning Than You

The guys from the Plunge give an inside look into what men are actually thinking while wedding planning

Updated 06/01/18

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Ever found yourself wondering what thoughts are running through your groom's mind during the wedding planning process? Even if you haven't, the women at Brides certainly have (wait, does he actually care about dahlias vs. peonies?! Unclear.). Thankfully, we've got the guys over at the Plunge to give us some insight into the (often cryptic) inner workings of the soon-to-be-married male brain.

For every ten dozen or so brides-to-be that agonize over whether or not to have the lilies or the tulips for the centerpieces, there’s one who couldn’t care less. She’s fine with any sort of cake, doesn't think twice about floral arrangements, and really just wants to stay out of the process altogether. She would be happy to get married in a McDonald’s parking lot, as long as she’s with the one she loves (and she wouldn’t even give a damn that Grimace clashes with absolutely everything).

Because love is blind, and people are strange, and life is generally just weird, sometimes an easygoing woman can find herself head-over-heels with a fastidious guy who loves event planning, who looks at this wedding as his Super Bowl, and who will be concerned with even the most minute wedding day details. For every bride wondering how to manage the go-getter-groom, a few easy guidelines can save you both from excess stress and even prepare you for the times after the “I Do's” are done.

Let Him Go

Wedding planning is tough work. It’s a full-time job—literally, for some people. If your future-husband is gung-ho about planning something that you’re relatively indifferent about anyway, then let him work. If he woke up excited to wash that pile of dirty dishes in the sink, you most certainly would let him, right?

Assess His Taste

You love him, we get it. But just because he gives you butterflies doesn’t mean he knows anything about color palettes or reception venues. The important first step before letting him off the leash is to determine if his personal tastes are close enough to your own. Best-case scenario: Things go great and you agree with the beach/barn/mountain theme. Worst-case scenario: you’re saying “I do” on the floor of Comic-Con, surrounded by various Dr. Who and Dragon Ball Super cosplayers with Captain America presiding over the ceremony (and no, it’s not Chris Evans, just some dude in spandex). If he wants to run with something, make sure you know he’s going to be pointing in the right direction.

Declare Which Choices Are Yours to Decide

Surely there is some part of wedding planning that even the most indifferent bride cares about. Maybe it’s invitations. Maybe it’s the wording of the vows. Maybe it’s arranging the seating at the reception for maximum awkwardness. Whatever thing(s) may be important to you, make sure he knows that it’s your turf. He’s got plenty to do on his own. And if you both care about that topic? Well, you’re both going to have to compromise, which is pretty much what this whole marriage thing is all about.

Create Checkpoints

If he’s going to go wild with planning, make sure that you’re ready to swoop in either for final approvals or to keep things on track. Talk with your fiancé about making sure that you get at least one chance to review everything before any booking is done—whether that means looking at a picture of the floral arrangements (you don’t even have to use both eyes) or listening to that wedding band’s SoundCloud page (she loves Phish cover bands, right?).

View the Big Picture

He’s going to be bogged down in little individual details. If you’re going to be slightly removed from the process, you’ll have the ability to see things from a better perspective. Go macro! By stepping back from the micro-planning, your role can (and should) be to make sure the train is still on the tracks.

Support in Other Ways

Imagine if this were you planning this wedding. It would be pretty stressful, right? There is a large chance that he will be running on empty with a short fuse for a while. In those moments, being able to help—by taking on Seamless ordering duties, running interference between him and your parents, or just reflecting his excitement—will help keep everything cool, calm, and collected. The best way to support, though? Have fun at the wedding. It’s your party too!

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