Are you craving that filthy, nasty talk in bed but aren't quite sure how to ask for it? Trust us, you're not alone. It's a complicated, nerve-wracking gap to bridge. You want your partner to dirty talk, but you don't want to make them uncomfortable. Luckily, we have the answers for you.
It's no wonder why you love dirty talk. There are legitimate reasons it turns you on: "Dirty talk is a great way to add spice to a sex life that needs some excitement or if you're in the mood to be a little naughty and kinky," sex educator Nikki Ransom-Alfred explains. "Dirty talk will allow you two to be verbal and communicate what sexy things you want to do with to each other. Plus, the dirty talk will boost both of your arousal levels and orgasms."
So, without further adieu, here is how to ask your partner to dirty talk in the bedroom. Cheers to some new and exciting adventures!
Approach the conversation with compassion
Always approach conversations of a sexual nature with understanding and compassion. Sexual situations are vulnerable. We're naked and all low-key don't know what we're doing. Keep this in mind when you ask for anything new in the bedroom. It's not about making your partner feel inadequate or self-conscious, it's about opening yourselves up to new dimensions of sexuality.
Now, being compassionate doesn't mean coming into this chat nervous and afraid. You want your partner to dirty talk. You're sure about wanting what you want. Be open to their feelings on subject, but be strong in your own feelings and voice them articulately. Have a glass of wine. Loosen up. Do whatever you need to do to talk openly and honestly.
Be open to feedback
When you're letting your partner know what you're after, they may have suggestions of their own. They may have feelings on dirty talk specifically. Maybe they are OK with certain aspects of it, but aren't sure how to begin. Perhaps they've been thinking about a new sex move they'd like to try as well. Be willing to hear them out and process the feedback.
It is important that the conversation remain positive. If you feel like your partner is tensing up or getting upset, change the subject or give them some space. If you can, try to sex it up. You're asking for some dirty talk in the bedroom, it can be requested in a hot way.
For example: "It would turn me on so much if you told me how much you like doing X to me while you're doing it."
Have specific suggestions
It's easy to be like, "Hey babe. Can you talk dirty to me next time we have sex?" But what does that really mean? Your partner may be open to the idea of talking dirty to you, but might very well not know where to start.
Be ready to give some ideas. Think thoroughly about what you'd like your partner to say to you. During a masturbation session, imagine what your partner would say to you that might be super hot.
About 80 percent of the battle with dirty talk is the actual figuring out what to say part. Luckily we have a comprehensive guide right here if you need some suggestions on what to say!
Watch some erotic material for inspiration
Of course, sometimes you want some raunchy declarations betwixt the sheets but you don't know how far to take it. You're wondering, "OK, but how much is too much? I'm not trying to terrify my partner into an early grave." Totally valid.
Suggest to your partner that the two of you explore some erotic materials together. It can be a sexy book, some porn, or even the sharing of a fantasy. Porn can be a pretty intense version theatrical sex in general, but it serves as pretty decent inspiration.
With dirty talk, it's part of a fantasy you're creating together. It doesn't necessarily reflect what you're doing. You can say things that are far beyond the threshold of what you're actually comfortable trying. For instance, maybe it turns you on to talk about anal sex, but you don't want to do butt stuff. That's totally fine. Be sure you set up those boundaries beforehand with your partner.
Be willing to reciprocate
Last but not least, don't even think about asking someone to talk dirty to you if you're not willing to hop on the filth train yourself. Your partner may not ask you to talk dirty back to them. They may not even want that, but you cannot ask for something and then put up a personal blockade. Sexual exploration is about both you and your partner. You each have the right to mutually satisfying experiences.
If you want your partner to get weird with the raunchy talk in bed, you better be willing to do the same for them. Otherwise, where's the fun?
Gigi Engle is a sex educator and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.
