Since learning of Pippa Middleton's engagement to hedge fund manager and all-around race-car-driving uber-British bad boy (ish) James Matthews, we've reported on everything from Pippa's totally reasonable wedding budget to her arguably super passive-aggressive (ahem, British) feud (ish) with brother-in-law Prince Harry's GF Meghan Markle (no ring, no bring, bitches…well, with just this one exception…), the epic question looming re: THE DRESS (McQueen?! Giles Deacon?! WE CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!) to why Kate won't be walking down the aisle with her little sis. Oh, and don't forget her, again, totally reasonable demands for her guest's sartorial choices (plural), her "skinny gene"-activating extreme pre-wedding diet, and suuuuper chill bridal workout regimen. Was it much ado about nothing, you ask? Pish, posh! It is a royal (ish) affair, after all, and—let's face it—we can't get enough of Meghan, *cough* Pippa…
In advance of tomorrow's regal (eh?) union, we've jotted down some of our thoughts about what snafus may or may not take place in the Brit's backyard.
In a stunning feat of grace under pressure, Meghan catches the bouquet, gives suggestive wink to Harry.
Harry then (right on cue) proposes to Meghan in the middle of the reception.
In lieu of a toast, Kate reads choice excerpts from Pippa's party planning book, Celebrate, opening with: “[Star-gazing] is best in pitch darkness on a very clear night, and can be exciting even for quite young children.”
Kate returns the long-overdue favor and upstages Pippa (and her butt) in a dress that flatters her...
Prince William breaks out his dance moves again, much to Kate’s dismay.
Pippa loses a shoe, Prince Harry finds it, slips it back on her foot. Confusion among guests ensues. Royals discuss protocol on what happens next.
Spencer Matthews drinks too many hot toddies, streaks, pukes, makes a pass at Meghan.
George and Charlotte run amok, tiny finger smears seen in the regal cake's frosting.
Fergie, Duchess of York, is left incensed when her invite to Pippa’s wedding went to Fergie Duhamel instead.
After the officiant cancels at the 11th hour, the only vicar available on short notice is none other than The Princess Bride pastor himself. “Mawidge…Mawidge is what brings us together today…Have you the wing?”
Unfortunately, Pippa never thought to vet the wedding band (having left that planning detail in the hands of the Queen), only to find it is a trio of cowbellists.
Meghan bends down to smooth and then carry the train of Pippa’s dress, steals the show. #karma
Guests forced into outfit change, instead pull a Bridget Jones and don Vicars and Tarts–wear for the reception.
Pippa's skin turns green from "IV therapies" provided during her bridal body bootcamp, makeup artist can't match hue, both get hammered on red wine, which is (thankfully) a cornerstone of Pippa's Sirtfood diet.
After all the fuss about Meghan being invited, she doesn’t show up.
