Maybe that’s oversimplifying things...
But keeping things simple saved my marriage.
It’s easy to get caught up and overwhelmed with all the details of the ways disconnect can happen when you are struggling to find happiness for yourself and your partner.
Here are three easy ways you can absolutely have a MUCH happier marriage:
1. Focus only on what YOU can do.
What your partner is or isn’t doing can wait.
There is a great deal YOU can do to influence your partner differently, but before you can think about how to make your husband (or wife) happy, you have to be willing to let go of your own past hurts.
2. Do more of what works to create a deeper sense of connection.
When you feel more connected to your partner, every aspect of the relationship has a chance to get better.
Here’s a sample of what works to improve connection in any committed relationship.
More: fun, lightness, playfulness, sensuality, laughter, intimate banter, whispers and displays of affection, attentiveness, generosity, genuine support, praise, kindness, appreciation, etc…
See More: The 50 Best Marriage Tips EVER
Anything else that works for you is great.
- You could have more quiet moments valuing each other’s presence in your life.
- You could have more romantic dinners or new experiences together.
- You could listen without interrupting.
- You could let your partner know what you genuinely admire about them.
- You could have a heartfelt conversation about your commitment to your partner, without asking anything of them.
All that matters is that it helps you and your spouse to get more of what you each want.
3. Avoid doing any of the following things—because they do NOT work.
This is a short list of what isn’t helpful or supportive to having a happier marriage:
- Making demands
- Holding onto resentments and anger
- Avoiding conflict
- Trying to prove them wrong
- Hoping they’ll change
- Making derogatory comments
- Being selfish
- Walking on eggshells
If what you are doing isn’t bringing out more of what you want in your partner, that’s most likely because you’re doing it wrong.
You can easily change that by focusing only on what works.
Be willing to drop whatever it is that you have been doing that isn’t working, and do something else. Until you’re willing to do something else, there will not be any change in your partner.
That’s the truth you may not want to hear.
To change any aspect of your marriage requires a real change in what YOU do.
If you’re not willing to accept that, it’s perfectly OK.
You already know unhappy marriages wreak havoc on both partners physically and emotionally.
You could choose to expand what YOU do, and focus only on what works to create the happiness and intimate connection you want.
Bonus tip: Soften your tone of voice. This all by itself, is beneficial and supportive to your happiness. You could easily and intentionally soften your tone of voice in every interaction with your partner because that does help. Harsh voice tones definitely are not beneficial to staying connected.
When high levels of appreciation, affection, kindness and intimacy exist, anything can be resolved in a marriage.
When they are missing, it’s difficult for anyone to keep love alive long term.
To learn more about what to do to improve your marriage, read The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle. It’s filled with useful ideas to improve your marriage quickly. Want Jeff Forte's support toward having a happier marriage? Reach out to him here to schedule a complimentary consultation.
This article originally appeared on YourTango.