No matter how hard you try, it’s almost impossible to avoid the not-so-subtle comments friends (and even family members...) might make about your wedding night. From the lingerie shower to premature questions about whether you’ll be having kids, it can be shocking how much people want to talk about your sex life as soon as you’re about to head down the aisle. But the only person you actually need to consider when it comes to what happens in the honeymoon suite is your partner and yourself.
So is sex on your wedding night a must? Here’s what our experts think.
Let’s cut to the chase: You do not have to have sex on your wedding night, or any time at all, if you’re not feeling it. End of story. So if people ask, let them know that you never kiss and tell, and leave it at that. It’s up to you and your partner whether you do the deed, and those Nosy Nancys don’t belong in your bedroom.
If you and your partner are looking forward to getting busy when it’s all said and done, we say: go for it. Pack whatever you think you might need in your overnight bag—from lingerie to lube and anything in between—and make sure it’s delivered to the honeymoon suite. Just knowing those goodies are waiting for you at the end of the night could be the extra motivation it takes to get you to slip away from the after-party a little early or find a second (or third) wind as the night winds down. Experts say planning sex is a great way to prioritize your sex lives and intimacy as life gets busy, and we can’t think of a more romantic and love-filled scenario to look forward to than your wedding night.
But don’t feel like you absolutely must get unzipped from your wedding gown, pull the bobby pins out of your hair, and then get redressed into a silky, lacy little number just because it’s your wedding night. Even if the two of you had planned to get it on once the reception ended, if you’re more in the mood for snuggling and sleep than sex, say so. There’s nothing wrong with skipping the wedding night sex and simply settling into bed. Despite all the social stigma that has been ingrained into our collective brain over the years—not having sex on your wedding night means absolutely nothing. And, hey, lingerie is pretty small, which means you’ll have plenty of space for it in your honeymoon suitcase.
You may have planned for every single detail on your wedding day, but there’s one thing you can’t plan for: how you’ll feel when it’s all over. Weddings are big, emotional, intense events full of people and posing, drinks and dancing, and they can really take a toll. You may stumble into your honeymoon suite full of newlywed bliss, and then your bed could look so tempting that you can’t resist resting your eyes—you know, just for a few minutes. One of you (or both of you) may have had a little too much to drink, making sex a wee bit difficult in some cases. Or you might be absolutely famished, focused more on that plate of late-night snacks and getting out of your dress than on getting busy.
So, if you don’t “seal the deal” the night of your wedding, there’s always the next morning, your first night on your honeymoon, or after you get back home to your real bed. Seriously, if you’re not feeling it, wait until you do. It’s still the first time you have sex with your brand-new spouse, no matter when it takes place. You have the rest of your lives to get it on.