If you aren’t invited to someone’s wedding, should you have to go to their bridal shower?
Well, there’s a heated conversation happening on Reddit right now over this very topic. User sunshine05686 posted a question to the network’s “Am I the asshole?” thread, wondering if she should feel obligated to attend a friend’s bridal shower even though she wasn’t invited to the wedding.
”I received an invitation for a bridal shower recently. On the invitation it had all the pertinent information (time, date, location, etc.) and it also had their gift registry information on it so obviously there was an expectation of bringing gifts,” she wrote. “My issue is this: I’m not invited to the wedding. They’re having a very small, intimate wedding so the bride decided to have a big bridal shower to ‘share with those she cares about.’ ”
She continued, “To me it just comes across as a money grab. I understand that they want to have a small wedding, I get it. But I’m not invited to the wedding yet I’m still supposed to give them a gift? [Am I the Asshole] here?”
Commenters seem to unanimously agree that she is decidedly “NTA” (aka “not the asshole”) for deciding to skip the shower, pointing to the fact that bridal showers are traditionally intended for wedding guests. One user summed up everyone’s sentiments pretty perfectly, writing, “Inviting people who aren't invited to the wedding to a bridal shower is tacky as hell. Especially if it's played up as 'share with those she cares about'. The whole purpose of a shower is to 'shower the person being showered with gifts'. That's why it's called a shower.”
Another user wrote, “It’s absolutely a money grab. If the couple wants an intimate ceremony, that’s fine. But if you also want to celebrate with your extended loved ones and friends—that’s what a separate reception or after party is for. A bridal shower is not appropriate for this purpose.”
Wedding etiquette dictates that people who are not invited to the main event should not be invited to the bridal shower, which confirms that skipping out would not make anyone “the asshole.” With that in mind, remember that invitations are not commands, so if you find yourself in this situation feel free to RSVP no and send a card.