Raise your hand if you think your wedding night sex is supposed to be the best sex of your life. If you feel that way, you're not alone. "Both brides and grooms have been socialized that their wedding night is supposed to be perfect," says Kat Van Kirk, licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist. "She's supposed to be incredibly ravishing and aroused and he's supposed to be able to perform like he never has before, all culminating in a simultaneous orgasm."
But, she continues, "the reality is that most couples are completely spent by the time their wedding night happens." You can still enjoy the evening though, and make memorable love with these confidence-boosting expert tips.
1. Plan your wedding night long before it happens.
"Good sex," says Ursula Ofman, New York City-based licensed clinical psychologist and sex therapist, "takes some forethought, on your wedding night and any time. You need a chance to get yourself into the right frame of mind." So ask how you want this particular sexual encounter to unfold, then plan accordingly. "Do you want to have a chance to primp yourself for the event?" asks Ofman. "Should there be music, soft light? Do you want to wear something sexy? Do you want lube, condoms, sex toys ready to go?" Answer these important questions, then get packing!
2. Practice self care.
That means, says Van Kirk, "eating regular snacks and meals, staying hydrated, exercising and getting enough sleep on the days up to your wedding night." When you feel your best on the inside, "you will feel more confident in bed that night," she explains.
3. Get back to your room at a reasonable hour.
If you expect to have the energy and enthusiasm that great sex takes, "don't wander into your room past midnight," Ofman warns. If you fear you'll party hard at your reception only to poop out and underwhelm in your bedroom, "plan to not have sex on your wedding night and plan for a special sexual experience once you arrive at your honeymoon destination," Ofman suggests.
4. Give yourself permission to lower your expectations.
Even the best-laid plans can be waylaid by sheer exhaustion following a raucous reception. "You may be so tired that a quickie is all you can pull off," says Van Kirk. That's OK! Just "focus on sensation and the emotionality of the event. Orgasms aren't the end-all-be-all, nor are how many positions you pull off that night."
5. Stay emotionally connected to your partner.
Van Kirk says "many couples totally lose sight of how important it is to have some alone time during those last few weeks before they get married." But if you spend too much time with family, or handling the last-minute details of your wedding, you can lose the emotional connection needed for explosive sex. "Learn to delegate and then schedule in a date or two, even for coffee," says Van Kirk. "This will help you stay centered and emotionally connected to one another."