Have you realized your desire for sex has all but disappeared? Did you wake up one day (or perhaps noticed over time) and find that becoming aroused was difficult or impossible? You’re not alone. Not even close.
There seems to be a never-ending, rather intimidating list of reasons for low libido. If you’re experiencing issues with desire, it’s possible that something is off somewhere in your life, in your body, or in your mind.
Or, perhaps it is a combination. Low desire in women is exceptionally common and stems from a variety of sources. The key is figuring out what they are and how to fix them.
We narrowed down some of the top reasons for low desire in women to help identify what might be affecting you, and find the means to alleviate the concerns and heal from them.
Changes in hormones are one of the most common reasons why women experience low desire. There are many reasons why hormone changes occur and the effect they have on sex drive vary greatly from person to person. Everything from your period to menopause to pregnancy to diet can alter your libido, ability to get turned on, and aptitude for physical arousal.
If you’re concerned that a hormone imbalance is the culprit of your low desire, seek professional help from your ob/gyn. They may be able to prescribe a method of treatment. We also suggest natural libido enhancers such as exercise and meditation. For a complete list of natural remedies, check out this guide.
If you have low self-esteem, getting turned on can be a serious challenge. When you don’t feel good about yourself, you’re not exactly in the right frame of mind to get down and dirty, let alone have an orgasm.
Being intimate with your partner is a vulnerable state. A lack of confidence can negatively affect the experience and inhibit pleasure. Performance anxiety exists for women and it is something we should acknowledge.
Boosting your personal self-worth and confidence are essential in boosting libido. Try self-affirmations, yoga, and therapy. You’re a gorgeous dynamic woman. You deserve to feel that way.
You know the name of the game. Stress is a total mood killer for many of us. When work, life, family, kids, and everything else is weighing down your psyche, getting in the mood for sex seems like the last thing you want to do.
Stress causes the release of cortisol, the body’s natural stress hormone. When cortisol is up, libido is down. If you’re feeling especially stressed, having your libido hit a wall can only add to that stress. The only way out of the mess? Declutter, declutter, declutter.
Make a regular sex date with your partner. If you get yourself back into a regular routine, it can help you naturally boost libido. Sex is like going to the gym: You don’t always want to do it, but it feels good afterwards. Plus, sex is a natural stress-inhibitor. So, win-win.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)
On the lower end of the spectrum, general poor body image can cause your libido to lower. If you don’t feel good naked, why would you want to get naked?
The key is embracing your body and treating it well. Eat healthy, keep up a regular fitness routine, and remind yourself how beautiful you are on a daily basis. Body positivity isn’t exactly easy when we’re constantly fed a steaming pile of BS from the media, but we’ve got to try. Missing out on sex just isn’t worth it.
Don’t focus on your thighs or stomach, focus on how good it feels when your partner does that thing you like.
However, if you find yourself obsessing about your real or perceived flaws constantly in such a way that it causes severe emotional distress and difficulties in daily functioning, you may have a serious disorder called Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). Seek out help from a doctor or trained mental health professional.
Anxiety and depression
Mental illness is a huge culprit of low libido. These are serious conditions that we should never take lightly. There is so much stigma around mental illness and it just shouldn’t be this way. There is nothing wrong with needing assistance to live your happiest, healthiest life.
If you’re experiencing anxiety or depression, it’s important that you seek professional help right away to find a treatment plan that works for you.
SSRIs (the medications usually used to treat depression and generalized anxiety disorder) often kill sex drive. If this is the case for you, speak to your doctor. Often adjustments to medication and dosage can be made to assist in regaining desired sexual function.
Previous negative sexual experiences
If you’ve experienced negative sexual experiences in the past, you may associate sex with discomfort, pain, or even trauma. Pretending you haven’t had these experiences or pushing them under the rug does not help you regain sexual power.
You must confront the past in order to move forward. Be open and honest with your partner, and seek help from a mental health professional.
Remember, having bad sex with one person does not mean sex will always be bad. If you have sex with a patient partner, willing to move slowly with you and respect your boundaries, you can awaken sexual desire that may be lingering under the surface. Sex should be about love, respect, and kindness.
Deeper relationship concerns
It may be a bitter pill to swallow, but low desire often stems from larger relationship issues. Whether it be a lack of trust, poor communication, or other such wounds. When you’re unhappy in your relationship, you aren’t going to be turned on by your partner.
Negative emotions negatively impact desire. The two go hand-in-hand. Our minds are a powerful source in all of us and our mental health must be a top priority.
If this sounds like something you may need to address, seek help from a couple’s therapist. With unresolved issues disrupting your desire, it will be impossible to get back on the train to a good sex life.