Is It OK to Write Your Maid of Honor’s Speech for Her?

Give her a little guidance to avoid anything too embarrassing

Updated 06/17/18

Photo by Forged in the North

As the host of your wedding, it’s normal for you to want a firm grip on every detail of the big day. Whether it’s the food your guests will devour or the songs they’ll dance to throughout the night, you're going to be thinking about the special details that make the night memorable and personal. But one thing you can’t really plan for is the toast your maid of honor will give during the reception. Even though your maid of honor should always have your back, giving a speech can make people nervous, and when mixed with too many glasses of champagne, it can be a little bit of a mess.

If you’re questioning whether your maid of honor will say something borderline embarrassing or full-on boring, you might be tempted to ask to review the speech beforehand or even write the entire thing yourself. First, step back and realize that your maid of honor shouldn’t have to give up full control of her speech to you. But if it doesn't cause too much discord, maybe you can give her a little guidance.

Here are the four things you can do to make sure your maid of honor gives a memorable toast (for all the right reasons).

1. Show her examples.

Since writing a speech can be tough and you don’t want your maid of honor to wing it, be too generic, or get too specific about things you'd rather not share, you send her examples of speeches that you like. Perhaps you can point out a couple of things in each speech that you liked, whether it's timing, structure, or even the use of quotes or relatable jokes to help show her what you are looking for.

2. Get someone else involved.

Part of the reason maid of honor toasts are so exciting is because they are a surprise! To keep that element present, ask for someone else to get involved, whether it's another bridesmaid, friend, or family member who can read over the speech and give advice, pointers, or recommendations as to what to leave out. That way, someone other than you is guiding the speech and making sure it’s OK without your maid of honor feeling like she's lost the privilege of writing it.

3. Help her recall memories.

One of the biggest things that happens when it comes time to write a toast is that all of the memories, stories, details, and jokes seem to fade away. To help your maid of honor recall the most important stories to include in the speech, get together and go through your memories, whether by looking back at old photos or reading old Facebook posts.

4. Set a limit.

If you’re not to keen about giving up all your control when it comes to the maid of honor toast, one thing that you can do is set boundaries. Tell the person giving it how long you’d like it to be and share what you’d like left out, such as bad language or inappropriate stories.

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