After you get engaged, one of the next things you'll be ultra excited to mark off your wedding-planning checklist is selecting your bridesmaids. For some brides, this is something you've probably thought about for many years. Maybe you even jotted out a premature list of the women you want to be there standing by your side, long before you even met your fiancé.
But what happens if midway through your wedding adventure, one of your bridesmaids isn't being supportive or isn't enthusiastic about this role you were excited to give them? Is it okay for you to ask them to step down from being a bridesmaid? Or are you supposed to sit silently as they spew out awkward tension on you and the entire bridal party?
Bottom line: It's perfectly okay to "un-ask" someone to be your bridesmaid, but you need to have a good reason. Depending on how far along in the wedding adventure you're in, they probably spent a lot of time and money on being bridesmaid. So kicking them out will cause some hard feelings. After you've established a reason as to why you'd like to ask them to step down from being a bridesmaid, ask to meet with them or set up a phone call so that you can relay that information to them. Tell them that you feel, at this point, it would be better for them to just be a guest at your wedding, that the bridesmaid role is slowly ruining your friendship with one another. Once you're sure this is what you want to do, don't wait. The longer you wait, the harder it will be for you to have this conversation.
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The other thing to keep in mind is that if they've already bought the dress, it's the right thing for you to do to give them their money back, since the tailored dress isn't refundable.
So if you have a bridesmaid or two that are bringing you and the bridal party down, don't feel guilty about taking away bridesmaid duties from them. Just have a good reason and do it sooner, rather than later.
Jen Glantz is a "Professional Bridesmaid" and the founder of Bridesmaid for Hire. She's the author of All My Friends Are Engaged and frequently wears old bridesmaid dresses to the grocery store and on first dates.