Hair, or lack thereof, can be a powerful form of self-expression .. but what if someone doesn’t like what you're trying to say? One bride and bridesmaid are at odds over a request the bride made for her friend, who has a completely shaved head, to wear faux hair for her nuptials.
Strict_Mastodon took to the Reddit forum “Not the A-hole” to explain her situation.
“One of my good friends is getting married in August and she chose me to be one of her bridesmaids,” she wrote. “She called me up about three weeks ago and asked me if I could do her a favor and wear a wig to her wedding. She explained that she wanted all of her bridesmaids to match and that she wanted us all to look good in the pictures.”
Unfortunately for the bride, Strict_Mastodon wasn’t too keen on the idea. “I told her I really didn’t want to get a wig, and we’ve been on bad terms ever since.”
According to the poster, the bride's other friends don’t see what the big deal is, since, as they pointed out, a wig isn’t permanent, and she hadn’t been asked to change her real hair.
For Strict_Mastodon, however, the request went far beyond the likely high cost of the wig, which the bride made clear that she was unwilling to pay for, and the discomfort she would experience while wearing a hairpiece in the Louisiana heat, as the wedding is set to take place on a plantation in the Southern state in August.
“My biggest reason ... is the principle of the thing,” the poster wrote. “I feel like it implies I look bad because I don’t have hair, which I personally don’t think is true. Is being bald so hideous I’ll ruin her pictures? Is she going to make her balding father wear a toupee? And I think the ‘I want us to match’ thing is stupid. We’re already wearing matching dresses, why isn’t that enough? I know it’s ‘her day’ and we’re supposed to make her happy, but isn’t there a line?”
The request also imposed on the Reddit user’s beliefs about hair in general. “I grew up in a very strict Christian family where I wasn’t allowed to cut my hair, ever, because ‘hair is a woman’s crown,’” she explained. “It was down to my knees by the time I escaped at 18. Ever since then I’ve either had a pixie, a buzz cut or have been totally bald, because I cannot stand the heavy feeling of long hair or all the brushing/washing/detangling after dealing with it for so many years.”
In the end, the pal offered to compromise with a scarf wrapped around her head—a gesture the bride refused.
“She’s not having it,” Strict_Mastodon wrote. “I’m still in the bridal party and invited but I don’t know for how much longer, honestly. AITA for not wanting to wear a wig?”
Many Reddit users assured her that she was not, in fact, the wrong one in this situation.
“If you want someone in your wedding, you can’t make unreasonable demands,” one wrote.
Reasoned another, “People are in a wedding party because you love them, not because they look ‘right.””
Others advised her to make the wig the less attractive option by showing up in the worst Halloween monstrosity she could find or to simply turn her request around: “Tell [her] if she wants the bridesmaids to match, she should have them all shave their heads.”
One offered perspective on behalf of the bride however, saying that she has wished she could change something about a friend’s appearance before, but claimed it was merely out of love for the friend. “I know that other people will be judgmental toward my friends for their appearance, and I want to avoid that judgment because it hurts me personally,” she wrote. “I want to protect my friends from it.”