People get a lot wrong about bisexuality, and make many a boneheaded assumption about people's sexual preference. They mistakenly think it’s all experimentation or a phase. Friends, coworkers, or random strangers at bars tell you bisexualilty doesn’t exist, and you’ll always wind up on one side or the other. And a person dating a bisexual guy or girl can often get insecure about their partner’s dual sexual attraction.
These assumptions may be completely incorrect, but they are in the foreground just the same—these are the daily realities a bisexual person faces. Instead—stay with me here—perhaps we should stop judging someone so freely for their sexual preference and actually recognize that a bisexual person is a human being, bisexuality is not a phase, and saying things like this is shortsighted, hurtful, and utterly ridiculous.
The most common myth surrounding bisexuals and marriage? The thought that a person who is attracted to both sexes can’t be monogamous. Let’s just address this elephant in the room head on. Just because you are bisexual does not mean that you default to multiparty relationships. A bisexual person is just as capable of monogamy as a heterosexual person. Being with someone bisexual is not all about threesomes and girl-on-girl/dude-on-dude action.
In fact, I’d argue that bisexual people make amazing husbands and wives, and you shouldn’t be afraid to marry your bisexual partner. Here’s why.
You Have Better Communication
I get it: Being with someone bisexual can be a little nerve-racking. You can’t help but ask yourself, “Am I going to get dumped for someone of the opposite sex?” And you’re not alone in feeling this way. Since this is a real insecurity, and as you move closer to marriage with a bisexual person, you’ll have to up the ante in your communication skills; marrying someone (no matter what) means laying it all out on the table: every doubt, every worry, every discomfort.
As a long-term couple who, from the outset, has had to resolve potential relationship problems due to insecurity and jealousy, you’re ready for whatever hits you in the years to come. Bisexual people are used to having these discussions, and you can bet your partner is ready for it.
Checking Someone Out Can Actually Make You Closer
Obviously lines can be crossed and playing the “Is (s)he hot?” game can get awkward, but if you can’t have a little fun with your partner, why are you getting married in the first place? You have a shared appreciation for the same sex. Why not enjoy that shared interest?
If you both enjoy rock climbing, you can climb together. If you both enjoy sushi, you can eat sushi together. Who’s to say you can’t enjoy admiring hot guys or girls together over nachos on the boardwalk? You’ve certainly got a leg up on couples who just fight over the obvious reality that other sexy humans exist. We all have eyes, people.
Your Partner Is Wiser to Human Nature
We learn the most through experience. A bisexual person is automatically more experienced just by living his or her life and exploring his or her sexuality in a way that is outside of the norm. The bisexual spouse has a better understanding of the human condition.
He or she has seen a lot in life and has been with a wider range of people. It’s not to say his or her partners were necessarily more sexually adventurous or the person you’re marrying is wild in the sack, but that being with both genders inherently opens you up to a greater understanding of the complexities of both genders.
Not to mention the discrimination you face as a bisexual individual throughout your life thickens your skin considerably.
Threesomes With Real, Honest Enthusiasm
Let’s start with something relatively obvious, but critically important: Just because your partner is bisexual does not mean he or she wants to have threesomes. You may be attracted to both sexes and not want to have sex with two people at the same time—these two things don’t automatically go hand in hand.
That explicitly said, if you have communicated that you’d both want to try a threesome, bisexuality does offer benefits. If you’re in a relationship and both partners are heterosexual, any threesome action is aimed to benefit only one of you. Whether you bring in another guy or another girl, it’s the partner attracted to the sex involved who is going to get more from the threesome experience.
Therefore, threesomes are straight up better with bisexual people involved. There is less threat of discomfort or jealousy if all parties are attracted to each other and genuinely engaging in the act at hand.
While being with a bisexual person doesn’t automatically clear up any and all relationship woes, it definitely has plentiful upsides. If you marry the bisexual person of your dreams, it will be the best decision you ever make.
Gigi Engle is a sex educator and writer living in NYC. Her work has appeared in Elle, Teen Vogue, Glamour, Allure, Marie Claire, and Bustle.