FaceTime sex is a low-key art that rarely gets enough attention. Sure, experts and long-distance lovers will say that video sex is important when you’re apart, but the actual logistics leave much to be desired.
"Do I call my partner and have my vibrator ready to go?"
"My double chin looks weird from here."
"Do we just start going at it on ourselves once we accept the call?"
It's confusing, a tad embarrassing, and a little complicated—and that's not including any midorgasm Wi-Fi issues.
To help combat some of your anxieties, we’ve created a handy little guide to having FaceTime sex (and having it well). Getting off via video can definitely be awkward, but it doesn’t have to be if you know what you’re doing.
Make sure everyone knows this is a video sex date.
First things first: No one needs to be surprised with a video sex date. If you think you’re just answering a call to chat about what you’ve been up to this week and pick up miderection in a Starbucks, it can be traumatizing.
Make sure you’re both on the same page about what you’re planning to do. Sure, there will be times when you’re talking in bed and mutual masturbation spontaneously takes place, but if you’re looking for a sex date, give your partner a heads-up so they have a minute to prepare.
Wear something that makes you feel sexy.
If you have a virtual sex date, you want to look your best. It’s the same as having any other sex date, just no one is going to do any actual touching of each other. Visuals are very important when you’re on a video call because that’s the bulk of what you’re both presenting.
Pick an outfit that you love and that makes you feel good about yourself.
We’re not saying you need to roll out expensive lingerie or schedule a Brazilian wax. If that’s not your game, don’t play it. Even if your idea of sexy is a simple white T-shirt and day-of-the-week panties, it’s all good. Maybe it just means wearing nothing at all—we’re not judging. If you start the video call naked, you have nowhere to go but … up? Down?
Pick your angle.
There are two main things to consider when it comes to picking your angles: Making sure the angle is flattering and assuring your partner can see all the good bits (AKA: your breasts, clitoris, etc.).
This, friends, is harder than you might think. Having an angle where you look both feel hot and an angle wide enough to capture all of your, um, assets takes finesse. We suggest using a laptop, as the camera angle is much wider than a phone. Plus, when you use a phone, you have to hold it from above to get everything in the frame, which will undoubtedly make your arm tired.
Place the laptop next to you on the bed. It helps to sit it on top of a few pillows so it's higher than you are. Adjust the angle to suit your needs.
(It might take some time to get it looking perfect, but luckily, you can get set up before your partner gives you a call. So when the time comes, you’ll be sexed up and ready to go.)
Remove your mirroring image.
You know how there is a picture of you in the corner of a FaceTime chat? Seeing yourself can often make you feel self conscious and make the whole situation too weird. If you’re FaceTimeing (or using Facebook messenger) on a laptop, you can press the side of the box where you see yourself so your image slides away from view.
Now you won't wind up focusing more on your own body than your partner’s. You don’t have to remove your mirrored camera if you don’t want to—especially if that turns you on—but if you’re someone who tends to watch their own picture during FaceTime chats, it could be helpful.
Set the scene.
If you feel a little awkward during FaceTime sex, try dirty talking your way through a scene. Begin describing exactly what you’d be doing to your partner in this moment if you were in the same bed. Pretend your vibrator is their tongue, penis, or hand—put yourself into the scene using your words.
It helps to use a memory or a regular sex routine you’ve done in the past; You know the moves that work and what your partner likes. FaceTime means no touching so it’s important to be on the same page. While one person is taking the lead and setting the scene, the other person can be moaning, using encouraging language, or saying things like, “Yes, harder!” or “Give it to me.”
Encouragement is key.
As humans, we all want to feel wanted. Tell your partner how good they look touching themselves, how amazing their sounds are, etc. The more you can bolster your spouse, the better. Otherwise you’re just a person lying on a bed, masturbating to a camera wondering if the other person is even turned on. No one wants that.
It’s OK to close your eyes.
Sometimes you don’t want to be watching the camera. Seeing your partner masturbating is sexy and everything, but if you’re trying to get in the moment and pretend they’re with you, the screen can be a bummer. Don’t feel obligated to look at each other the whole time. The important thing is that this experience feels organic and natural—no one is going to have an orgasm if you feel awkward.