After you're back from your honeymoon and a week or two of uninhibited sex, it's possible to fall into a post-wedding sex rut. The post-wedding blues are a real thing. After all the excitement of the big day, getting back to real life can be a drag.
"Couples should know that it's common to have somewhat of a 'let down' in the months following a wedding," Debra Herbenick, associate professor at Indiana University and author of The Coregasm Workout tells Brides. "There is so much excitement leading up to the big day that it's only natural to feel a little less excited afterward."
Not to mention everyone you know is constantly asking you how hot the newlywed sex is—that's a lot of pressure! No wonder both you and your partner aren't feeling it.
If you've found yourself in the post-wedding sex rut, here is how to pull yourself out again in five simple steps.
Talk about what's going on.
If you're feeling down about your sex life, don't keep it to yourself. Amazing sex lives are built on open communication and understanding. If something isn't working for you, set some time aside to sit down and talk about it. If you want to try something new, even something kinky, get it out there in the open.
Both you and your partner have needs and deserve to have them met. It all starts with a conversation about how you're feeling so you can create a plan of action to get things back on track. The post-wedding sex rut is usually temporary as long as you address it head on.
Take the pressure off.
After you've addressed the issue, take the pressure off your partner (and vice versa). Your relationship is about intimacy, not some unrealistic act you put on for your partner. If your sex drive is lacking, don't freak out. Not everything is about penetrative sex (heterosexual or otherwise).
Any kind of passion you can rekindle together, no matter how you act it out, is valid. We put too much stress on having sex and it makes too many of us feel like we need to perform. If you're not feeling full on sex, try masturbating together to maintain your sense of intimacy without the pressure of performance. Being together is what's important. Put on your favorite porn scene and relax. Enjoy each other.
Keep date night on the books (and sex too).
Don't forgo date night just because you're hitched. Falling back into the real-life routine can take the wind out of your sexual sails. That is why you have to consciously keep the romance alive. Try new restaurants, go on adventures, keep things interesting, and yes, have sex.
Scheduling sex may not be the most enticing suggestion you've ever heard, but it helps keep you on track. Pair bonding happens when you make love so, don't skip out on it.
If something feels good, say so.
Speaking of sex, lean into what feels good. Focus on the things your partner is doing to your body and take note of what you enjoy. If you like something, make some noise. Affirmative language will encourage your partner onward.
If you have a fantasy, tell your partner you want to try it. "When you let your spouse know that you're curious about trying something new, it gives him [or her] the chance to better please you and to keep things interesting," says Herbenic. Trying new things keeps you on your toes and forces you out of your comfort zone—and out of the rut.
See more: 4 Unusual Ways to Get in the Mood
Get yourself a sex toy.
Sex toys are a real way to up the game on sexual excitement. Vibrators give you the extra clitoral stimulation you need to achieve orgasm. Sex toys don't replace sex, they enhance it.
Plus, they're really rather kinky if you're not used to them. Be sure you're shopping for toys made of medical grade or body-safe silicone. Check out shops like Babeland, Good Vibrations, and Please. You don't want to be using toys made of crappy materials. Sex toys are an investment and should be treated as such.
If you're wondering how to broach the topic of sex toys with your partner, check out our complete guide right here.