Contrary to popular belief, anal sex is not supposed to hurt. Nope, it should not hurt at all. That is not normal.
Anal sex usually only hurts when you are doing it wrong. If you’re not using enough lube, don’t have your head in game, or just straight up don’t want to be doing it, yes, it will hurt.
If you know what you’re doing, take time to listen to your body, and use a ton of lube, it shouldn't hurt. Here are a few anal sex tips to help you venture into this region of the body with a head full of facts.
Make sure this is something YOU are interested in.
Before you even consider exploring anal play of any kind, figure out where your priorities lie. The fact of it is: You should not being doing anal because someone else wants you to be doing anal. You should try anal because it genuinely interests and excites you. If it sparks curiosity, great. If it turns you off, take a pass.
That being said, anal should not hurt, and, in fact, it can feel really amazing.
Society has a general stereotype that only men want anal sex and women “give it up” to please their partner, without getting anything out of it. But anal sex really can be pleasurable for women, because the anal opening is full of nerve-endings that can feel great when stimulated.
You can even access the internal clitoris (the anterior fornix) through the thin wall that separates the rectum from the vaginal canal. So, before you write off anal, consider that.
Communicate with your partner.
Have a frank and honest conversation with your partner about what you feel comfortable with trying. Maybe you’re alright with a butt plug, but anal sex feels like too much? Perhaps you’d be OK with rimming, but not penetration? Maybe you want to go full on anal sex and get down with it?
Before exploring any new sexual terrain you want to make sure you’re both on the same page. Anal sex is only painful or bad if you do it incorrectly and for the wrong reasons. Good sex (all sex) comes from a place of honestly, openness, and a willingness to explore.
Start with smaller butt plugs and fingers.
Don’t just go for anal sex right away. This is a rookie mistake which can lead to pain, bleeding, and general feelings of shame and trauma. Instead, start with fingers and smaller butt plugs.
Anal training can take anywhere from a few days to weeks to months. The anus doesn’t expand naturally the way a vagina does; It needs to be massaged and coaxed to allow for penetration. Have patience and do the work needed for your butt to be relaxed and ready.
Use a TON of lube. When it comes to anal, the more lube the better—silicone-based lubes are best here as they have excellent staying power. For more information on lube, check out our complete guide.
Breathe, breathe, breathe into it.
Do NOT tense up your anus before penetration. This will HURT. You want to breathe deeply into the muscles and relax. Take full-belly breaths. Don’t try putting anything inside you until you feel ready for it. This can take time. Again, patience.
Remember: Even though you are being penetrated, you are in control. You get to decide depth and speed. Communicate throughout the experience and pay attention to your body. If it hurts: STOP and reassess the situation. You can always take a break and try again later. You should never "push through the pain." Pain is your body's way of telling you something is wrong. Listen to it.