11 Women on What It's Like to Be in a Sex Drought

Sometimes, a drought can be good

Updated 12/15/18

PhotoAlto/Frederic Cirou/Getty

There really might not be anything more emotionally cumbersome than a sex drought—nor anything more enlightening. While it might be a serious struggle, sex being out of the picture also has the potential to fuel your energies in other, creative ways.

Having sex is wonderful, and when it’s not available it can be hard. After all, sexual wellness is a healthy part of out overall lives. Have you ever gone a while without sex?

We asked 11 real women about their experiences in a sex drought, and how they dealt with them.

Leah, 27

If you don't focus on it, then it's a great time to discover yourself. This is my second drought, and I feel amazing.

Jen, 29

It’s kind of like you’re dying. But also buzzing all over your body.

Serena, 47

I’ve been a widow these last two years. It was absolutely unexpected and I had a loving partnership. So, at age 47 I haven’t had sex in a little over two years. I think it is really strange because I’m not sure what to think.

For one, I think I should be OK with a drought because plenty of single folks don’t/can’t have sex on the regular. I can find other outlets to be happy, right? Secondly, I have three pre-teenage children; I don’t want them to think that sex is so very necessary in a single person’s life that it would influence them negatively. I don’t want them to think I’m messed up by not having sex regularly, and that it impacts my happiness.

And yet. I’m not single by choice. I’m so very lonely. And I miss sex. I’ve taken care of myself these past two years, but it’s not the same. I’m incredibly lonely. I deeply miss physical affection, attraction and flirting.

Jasmine, 25

I wish I could say I was fine with this, but I’m really not. I hate not having sex. But, I don’t want to just have casual sex with some random person. I have a lot of issues with anxiety and going out and having random sex makes me so nervous. I wind up reading into things and wanting it to go somewhere when there is no chance of it. I don’t want to get hurt. That being said, I am so horny all the time and it is making me insane. My therapist says not to give into sexual feelings if having sex with some girl on Tinder is going to interfere with my mental health. Let’s just say my vibrator has been getting a lot of use lately.

Jamie, 30

I am so productive right now. My career has never been better.

Tammy, 27

I have never, ever been happier. I will probably never have sex again at this point. Who needs sex when you have sex toys and wine? I’m so over relationships.

Pam, 71

I’d kill for just a little rain.

Melissa, 31

After my last breakup, I didn’t have sex for over a year. I really needed the time to heal and figure out what I wanted in my life. I did a ton of writing, journaling, and working through my feelings. Then I met my new partner. Having sex for the first time was such an interesting, joyous experience. We got to learn everything about each other again. So, not having sex was certainly hard, but I’m very happy I took the break from hookups and dating. It helped me see what I wanted out of life and out of a partner. I’ve never been happier.

Danielle, 27

I used to hook up all the time and then it stopped having meaning for me. Now, I’m so awkward in person that when I try to score, I completely fail. It’s embarrassing. But hey, it happens. I’m working on me right now and just going to wait and see if the universe throws me a hot guy in the near future. That’s my feeling about it. If dating and meeting people is so fcking hard, just wait for the right person to come along. Don’t question my logic.*

Suzanne, 35

I think I’m falling in love with ... myself.

Stephanie, 29

Sex used to be the thing that calmed me down and got my head on straight. It would drive my ex crazy. I had a much higher sex drive than he did and he would act like having sex with me was this exhausting chore. We both wound up resenting each other. Now that I’m single, I use working out and meditation as my ways to calm down. I still love sex and when I have an opportunity to have it, I do. But, it’s been two months now and I feel just fine about it.

Gigi Engle is a certified sex coach, educator, and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @GigiEngle.

Related Stories