What to Do If Members of Your Bridal Party Don't Get Along

We speak with an expert about how to gracefully navigate this situation.

Two bridesmaids holding bridesmaid bouquets stand together at a wedding.

Esther Visser / EyeEm / Getty Images

You're engaged, your wedding day is set, and you've selected the close friends and family members who are going to be in your bridal party—congrats! Choosing your bridesmaids and celebrating them is one of the sweetest parts of getting married, but, as we all know, the wedding process doesn't always go as planned—and sometimes, not all personalities mesh well together as you'd hoped. So, what happens if members of your bridal party aren't getting along? "Even though bridal party tension can weigh down the entire wedding experience, try not to let it consume you or the experience," says wedding expert Jen Glantz, founder of Bridesmaid for Hire. "Your bridesmaids don't have to become BFFs but they should be kind to each other, to you, and to themselves throughout the wedding experience."

If you find yourself in this experience, we speak with Glantz about her tips for how to navigate this delicate situation—and how to ensure things don't become too stressful.

Get Support From Someone Not Involved in the Drama

If two of your bridal party members are arguing or experiencing a lot of tension, don't feel like you, as the bride, have to handle the situation entirely on your own. "You have to protect your mental health and stress levels during the wedding adventure," explains Glantz. "Ask someone who is not involved in the drama, whether it's a maid of honor or another bridesmaid, to step in and solve the tension. Ask that person to sit down with the people who are not getting along and have them find ways to resolve their issues or just agree to disagree and not bring negativity into the wedding experience," advises Glantz.

Have a One-on-One Conversation

Alternatively, Glantz suggests that if you feel comfortable addressing the tension on your own, you can have a conversation with the bridesmaid(s) involved. "Having a conversation where you express how you feel about the tension in the room is the first step to letting your bridesmaids know that they are putting a huge damper on your wedding and that you want them to figure out how to put an end to this ASAP," she says. Before you begin this process, she recommends deciding how you want to address the issue—in person, via text, or on the phone. "Make the conversation productive and try to not accuse the person of anything or place any blame," she advises. "Instead, let them know that you noticed there's a bit of tension between them and someone else in the bridal party and you want to chat through what's going on and see what you can do to help."

Be Patient—and Prepare to Listen

Glantz suggests that instead of approaching this conversation with a big solution in mind, try to come to the chat with a lot of patience, empathy, and the goal of really listening to what they have to say. "At the end of the conversation, ask them how they think the situation can change and improve. Put the power in their hands and it will allow them to solve the problem on their own." That way, they will feel like you're trying positively change the situation—and understand their side of the situation.

Address Exclusivity Early On

In some scenarios, a bride may find that one or two bridesmaids are feeling left out (this is especially common if the majority of the bridesmaids already know each other, from high school or college, for example. If this is the case, Glantz suggests tapping a bridesmaid (one who isn't feeling excluded) to create a group hangout where everyone is involved. "By asking someone in the bridal party to take on the role of bridging this gap, it feels less awkward than you stepping in and trying to make sure everyone gets along," says Glantz. "Also, allow your bridal party to do things in smaller groups during the bachelorette party so that everyone has a small group to venture around with and not feel like they are walking around solo in a bigger group."

Remember That the Dynamic Is Temporary

Navigating interpersonal challenges within your bridal party can be very stressful—so try to remind yourself that this isn't going to be forever. Do your best to mediate and get support from other bridesmaids who are not involved in the drama, but keep in mind that the drama itself won't last forever. "Not everyone has to be best friends," Glantz reminds us. "They just have to be there to support you during this exciting time in your life, without bringing any drama to the party."

If Necessary, Make Changes to the Bridal Party

At the end of the day, your bridal party is there to support you during one of the most important experiences of your life. If someone is really bringing the vibe down, or making the overall experience unpleasant for you and the others, you can gently explain that you can't have that person bringing the drama as a bridesmaid anymore—just make sure you try to solve the problem before choosing this option. "Try to rectify the situation and address it with them," advises Glantz. "If they refuse to change, let them know that having them in the bridal party isn't working. Likely, your friendship with them isn't working anymore either."

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