You Can't Spell "Matrimony" Without "Y"

Continued (page 2 of 2)

And we encourage this, of course. We make so much of this day that entitlement feels natural and right. The modern bride is not just unapologetic; she is righteous in her bitchery. The wedding is her reward, her day, her dream realized. And, God help her, she thinks it's cute—in the same way some women wear t-shirts that say "SPOILED" or "BITCH" on them. It's sobering to think that somewhere in this country, women are watching Bridezillas and shouting, "You go girl!" to the television set.

It's ironic, isn't it? Our mothers dreamed of marriage, and we obsess over weddings. They were defined by their husbands, and all we can think about is the dress. Princess is the new wife.

I've been writing this column for a year now, and it's realizations like this that have left me wondering if I want a wedding at all. And you know, I'm in the best possible situation here, because the man I love is present and generous, and would be thrilled to plan a wedding with me. But even so, the idea of the two of us getting lost in a year of party planning and financial stress is not what I want for us.

In my eyes, a wedding is a layer between me and the man I love. It's another thing to worry about and obsess over, and it's already a challenge to stay connected when you work as much as we do. A wedding means we shift our focus to everyone else in our lives, and I'm not sure I want to take my eyes off of him.

For me at least, not feeling compelled to have a wedding is great relief. But I have to wonder how many women would bother to get married if there was no ring, no gown, no flowers and dinners and parties and presents. If there were no fairy tale, would you still get married? If every wedding were at City Hall, would you want to do it?

I think it's an interesting question. Because let's face it, a marriage is much more like a day at City Hall than a day in paradise. In fact, there are some days when it's more like a day at the DMV, followed by leftover chicken and an argument about who was supposed to put gas in the car. In short, weddings are a fantasy, and marriage is life.

I find that just the opposite of depressing.



April Winchell has been a talk radio host, a sitcom writer, an advertising executive and the voice of hundreds of animated Disney characters. In October of 2009, she created the hit website Regretsy.com, which led to the publication of "Regretsy: Where DIY meets WTF" in April of 2010. Even though she has been writing professionally since 1989, she still finds talking about herself in the third person really uncomfortable.

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