Adventures at the Bridal Show
Continued (page 3 of 3)
Duly impressed, I decided to ask him about some of his most creative weddings. Because this was, after all, home of the Most Creative Weddings on Earth.
"What kind of ceremonies do you do?"
"Oh, lots. Your rope ceremony, your tea ceremony, your coin ceremony.... I do them all. The Orientals are crazy about them."
"Okay," I continued, "so, you specialize in creative weddings."
"The Most Creative Weddings on Earth!"
"What would you say is the most creative wedding you've ever done?"
He thought for a moment, stroking his chin.
"Probably at the beach."
Finally it was time to visit the free cake booth, where the mood was a little hysterical. It was only when I got to the front of the line that I realized what the excitement was about: There on an easel behind the table was an enormous framed photo of Khloé Kardashian, cutting the very style of cake that we were about to sample. Yes, we were getting a taste of what they served at Khloé's wedding, and for a brief moment I too felt like a reality TV show star with no discernible talent.
I picked up a paper plate and a plastic fork, expecting to get a mouthful of how the other half lives. Instead, I bit into what can only be described as the Worst Cake on Earth. I make better cake, and if you've ever had my cake, you understand what an insult that is. The filling tasted like Robitussin, but on the plus side, I didn't cough for hours.
"... and for a brief moment I too felt like a reality TV show star with no discernable talent."
I chucked my uneaten cake into the trash like Keira Knightley at her birthday party, and decided to call it a day. But as I walked toward the exit, I noticed a "psychic" offering readings for $20. And I realized I had one more stop to make.
The psychic smiled as I approached, but her interest flagged when I said I just wanted to ask some questions. Still, she graciously allowed me to have a seat while she texted her husband and sighed.
She told me she'd been working as a psychic for 14 years, after having been tested for clairvoyance in junior high. I don't remember that test myself, but maybe they don't tell you about it. Maybe you're just supposed to find the classroom.
I asked her if she ever felt that a bride was making a mistake, and if so, did she tell them?
"Oh sure," she said.
"Really?" I asked. "You actually tell them they're marrying the wrong man?"
"Of course. They already know anyway."
In a way, that might have been the most helpful conversation I had that day. It all comes down to your own intuition. You already have the information you need. You just have to listen.
April Winchell has been a talk radio host, a sitcom writer, an advertising executive and the voice of hundreds of animated Disney characters. In October of 2009, she created the hit website Regretsy.com, which led to the publication of "Regretsy: Where DIY meets WTF" in April of 2010. Even though she has been writing professionally since 1989, she still finds talking about herself in the third person really uncomfortable.
- April Winchell