As much as I have written about spoiling sessions, extended sex dates, and becoming an expert on your partner's sexual arousal, there's something that I feel like I have left out of the equation from my writing.
That's right... quickies.
It's easy for quickies to get the cold shoulder.
They might not open your heart as deeply... but they also don't take hours of planning, foreplay, or communication.
Because sometimes being taken against a wall is just what the doctor ordered. Or in a stair well... or in front of a mirror... or on the kitchen counter... you get the picture.
Maybe you and your partner are about to go your separate ways for work and the mood strikes you.
Maybe they walk past you in a certain way when you were trying to concentrate on reading your book.
Or maybe you haven't seen each other in almost a week because one of you was traveling and "Holy hell I just need to have you right now!"
It doesn't matter what the reason is.
Quickies are amazing.
Need some convincing to occasionally skip the extended foreplay?
Here are the top three reasons that you should incorporate quickies into your sexual repertoire more often.
1. The lack of foreplay can be the foreplay
(Heads up: this actually might be my favorite metaphor I've ever come up with to date. Enjoy!)
Imagine these two scenarios...
You step your way up to a ridiculously high quality buffet where every single piece of food was created by a world-class chef with three Michelin stars.
In scenario one, you have three hours to browse, sample, and nibble on all of the various tastes available to you. It's amazing. You feel so fortunate. And at the end you are completely full and satisfied.
That is what an all-evening, extended sex date feels like. You (and your partner) both get to take your time and truly savour the experience.
In scenario two, you have access to all of the same, high quality, chef-prepared foods, but there's a timer going and you have FIVE MINUTES to stuff your face with all of this deliciousness. You don't even get cutlery or a plate. Just use your god damned hands and cram it all in there.
While the second scenario is likely going to be a lot less satiating in terms of total caloric intake, it is also going to feel like one of the most beastly, ravenous gorge fests in recent memory. You will be left sweaty, and messy, and thinking, "That was amazing. I'm so glad I just dove right in there."
That is the nature of the quickie. No planning. No napkins. Little to no manners. Just a sexual pleasure free for all.
2. It's that much easier to be selfish
I've talked before about the light side and dark side of our sexual desires (a la yin and yang). Neither side is wrong, or right, or better than the other. They are two halves of the same whole.
And most people tend to have a deeper/easier relationship to their light side. What does this mean and why is it relevant?
It means that people (at least the people who most often read my writing) tend to have a bit more reluctance being selfish, and taking care of their own sexual needs.
Quickies are one of the best ways to get real, raw, and honest about your sexual needs. Again with the gourmet buffet analogy... if you only have five minutes to grab whatever most appeals to you, you're going to have that much easier of a time being forthcoming and assertive with your desires.
Grab that body part of theirs that you love so much. Touch yourself where you need to be touched to climax as quickly as possible. Put your lips all over them and be greedy about it.
Selfish is great. Selfish is healthy. Assuming you are in a relationship with someone whose boundaries you already know and respect, you are allowed to take what you want within all of your preset parameters. If the food is on the table and ready to be taken, go for it.
3. Quickies re-connect you with your raw desire for your partner
If the majority of your sexual play with your partner is either of the 10-20 minute formulaic lovemaking set or the 2-4 hour extended exploratory style... then you may have started to take certain parts of their body for granted just because you're so used to them.
There's something extremely sexy about objectifying your long-term partner. Objectify tends to have a hint of "to demean" to it that I disagree with. This is one thing that I picked up during my years of being in the BDSM/play party scene. It is absolutely possible (and easy, and hot, and loving) to perceive your partner as an object... a play toy... a thing to use for your pleasure... as their mind and body do the exact same thing to you. Because, let's get real, when you're in the middle of a quickie you aren't getting turned on thinking about how moral and kind your partner is... you're latching on to whatever parts of them you need to to get yourself off as quickly as possible. And that's beautiful. I mean really, is there anything more romantic than that?
Quickies are great. They are a totally healthy part of any sexual relationship. Not to mention the bevy of health benefits from having regular sex (reduced risk of prostate cancer, healthier skin, better sleep, increased creativity, and overall heart health, just to name a few). On the relationship front, increased sexual frequency also correlates with better communication, and more highly ranked overall relationship satisfaction for both men and women.
So give quickies a shot... especially if it's been a while since your last one.
Do it in the morning upon waking. When they've just gotten out of the shower (or while they're in the shower). Or when one of you is about to go off to work for the day.
I would say put it in your calendar and "make time" for it... but even that is barely necessary.