The Bridesmaid Who Desperately Wanted to Be a Bride
When Amy invited Tina to be a bridesmaid, she was aware her long time friend was unhappily single. However, Amy didn't expect this unhappiness would cause Tina to act out in ways that threatened to take the focus off the bride.
Amy says ruefully, "Tina rarely did anything connected to wedding planning because she was obsessed with finding a date. When the bridal party went dress shopping, Tina insisted on trying on wedding dresses."
The capper came during Tina's toast to the happy couple as she drunkenly shared how she'd always had a secret crush on the groom! Amy says, "In a panic I gestured to the band to start playing so we could get on the dance floor... I still loved my wedding, but my friendship with Tina ended with that toast!"
The High-Maintenance Maid-of-Honor
In the tradition of many engaged women, Stephanie asked her sister to be her maid of honor... despite the two having a dysfunctional relationship. Stephanie shares, "I did it mainly to make my mother happy. But Ann was always insecure and jealous so it was a nightmare choice."
Stephanie dealt with her pushy sister as best as she could, leaning on her wedding planner to do much of the heavy lifting. Stephanie says, "Ann was so high maintenance that on my wedding day one of the wedding planner's assistants had to babysit her — fixing Ann's makeup every 20 minutes, fetching her hors d'oeuvres...! Before I left for my honeymoon I warned my mother never to ask me to do anything for Ann again! Luckily mom agreed."
The Maid of Honor Who Didn't Know When to Zip Her Lip
Despite knowing her childhood buddy Susan was a bit of a drama queen, Barb still popped the question: "Will you be my maid of honor?"
It was a question she lived to regret. Barb recalls, "We wanted a laid back, small wedding so told Susan and Tom, the best man, they could wear whatever they wanted."
What felt comfortable to Tom was a suit. Susan flipped out, insisting Barb force her fiancé to make the best man to wear a tux. Barb refused but said Susan could still wear a dress if that was her choice. Susan's response was to insist the marriage wouldn't last since Barb couldn't even stand up to her fiancé!
Barb says, "I had a talk with her about this. After nine years of friendship I knew what I was getting into with Susan as maid of honor."
The take-home from these tales of nuttiness is to think very carefully before you ask someone to take on the tasks associated with being in the bridal party. And if it's not working out, it's your right to ask the crazy-making friend to step down and just be a guest. It's your wedding, and you and your groom are the ones whose needs count!
Sherry Amatenstein is a New York City-based marriage therapist and author.