Stacy Shermann* had been dating James Summerville for only a month when she announced to her best friend Allison that he was The One. "Instead of being glad for me, Ali told me what she thought of him: that he was condescending and controlling," says Shermann. "It destroyed our friendship, but that didn't stop James and me from eloping."
"When you're happy, you want everyone to be happy for you," explains New York family therapist Elizabeth Bailey. This situation isn't easy, but you can make decisions that protect you and your closest confidantes.
Is Envy Eating Her?
If one friend is unhappy, look at your history together. Has she hated all your boyfriends? Jealousy is a powerful emotion, and she may be mourning the loss of your exclusive partnership. "Give her time to make the transition and to accept your relationship with your fiancé," Bailey says. Address your friend's concerns by saying something like, "I notice that you don't seem to like Bill. How come?" After listening to her complaints, explain how her opinion of your fiancé makes you feel, but emphasize that her friendship is extremely important to you. Just hearing that she hasn't been replaced in your life can work wonders.
Does Majority Rule?
When an entire group of friends doesn't care for your guy, there might be a legitimate reason. Does he have a problem with alcohol or drugs? Is he physically or emotionally abusive? If so, you have to take serious stock of the situation. On the other hand, sometimes a group reacts strongly because you're breaking up the club. "If these are your coffee buddies and he doesn't enjoy hanging out over a latte, then it's natural for them to feel left behind," explains Bailey, who advises talking to members of your crew individually and trying to be sensitive to their feelings.
Stand By Your Man
One of the best ways to mollify concerned friends is to calmly explain why you've chosen to marry this particular person. "It's crucial to clarify his attributes," says Bailey. For example: "I know Bill's job may be unimpressive to you, but he really supports my career and will be a great father." Once you've had these discussions, expect support—but be willing to forge ahead without it.
Pave the Way
Avoid the tendency to make things easy by keeping your friends and your fiancé apart—distance will only perpetuate the problem. Bring them together in small social gatherings and allow them to get to know one another on their own terms. "Don't force your friends to love your fiancé like a brother right off the bat," advises Bailey. "In fact, there's a chance they never will. Some personalities just don't mix, and learning to deal with that is a part of life."
* Some names have been changed.
5 Signs They Can't Stand Him
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They immediately change the subject or abruptly stop talking whenever you mention him.
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They needle you with passive-aggressive questions, like "You're finally going to be joining the girls this weekend? Is Steve really okay with that?"
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They purposely exclude him from conversations by cracking inside jokes or discussing people he doesn't know.
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They make plans to see you only when they're sure he's out of town or won't be available.
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If he answers the phone, they quickly hang up, then call you back on your cell.
