"We are getting married July 06, and we argue so much more now that we are engaged....A lot of married people I talk to, say it's soooo hard, and sometimes it's just awful..."
I got married last July, though my profile says it's THIS year (just so I could register because I wanted to reply to this thread...).
When my now husband and I got engaged, we started arguing a LOT more than we had, and like you, I wondered if getting married was a bad idea. Now, I can't speak for any of you, but deep down I was terrified. We went through with it, though... And then had the most AWFUL honeymoon - like "Just Married," only without the money and without all the funny parts. We just fought and fought. And when we got back home, we fought some more.
Now fast foward to end of April, 06 - 10 months later. We're so happy. We still fight once in a while, but not much. We're friends again. In LOVE again, actually. And it's getting better every day.
What happened? Personally, I think we were scared - of marriage, of committement, of growing up... And every little thing that happened - be it him not saying the right thing over dinner, me nagging him, or even pettier stuff - it made both of us wonder "is this a sign we're not right for each other?"
After the first few months of marriage, we had a big, big fight, which ended with us talking about divorce. We both started crying and acknowledged we didn't want to break up, even after the misery we'd been through. After that... Well, it wasn't magic, but things started to change. I laid off him, notn because I didn't want to be "the nagging wife," but because his annoying habits stopped scaring me. They're still annoying (in an endearing way), but when he belches first thing when he wakes up, or goes a day and a half without saying anything deeper than "wish I had a harley," it no longer terrifies me, because I know even with the occasional (sometimes more than occasional) "dumb guy" routine, he's still the kind, caring, sensitive, smart, funny, loving, adventureous man I fell in love with. He's just....a MAN.
And for him - at least so he says - my monthly weepiness and need to hash everything out, the fact I get weak-kneed whenever I so much as hear a baby in the next aisle at the supermarket, my ability to gab for hours at a time with friends, watch too much HGTV, and check in with mom once a day no longer makes him worry I'm not the adventure-loving, strong willed, loving (and adoring of him) girl HE fell in love with. I'm just...a GIRL, too.
The whole first few months of marriage for us was not the HONEYMOON period, it was more like "clash of continents" or something. But once we got used to the idea of being married (it's way different to BE married than to think about it before getting engaged), figured out we're still the same people we were before, etc, we started to find our stride. And lots of other women say similar things. Just ride it out...trust in each other, pray (if you beleive in that). Before the wedding, I think there's not a lot you can do, because fears about marriage can't really be calmed before you're in it...
