The Surrendered Wife

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Guest
Re: The Surrendered Wife
Posted: Apr 6, 2006 8:58 PM Go to message in response to: AlohaAroha

I haven't read this book, but from what I've read on this board, it sounds like it has many of the same ideas as Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs, which is a WONDERFUL book that my husband and I read together before we were married.  It transformed our relationship.  Wild at Heart is also a good book, which another poster mentioned.  My husband is head of household and I love it.

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aviatrix Posts : 39 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: The Surrendered Wife
Posted: Apr 10, 2006 12:56 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

so I've read the posts in this topic and I still don't know what it means to be a "surrendered wife" and yes that sounds a bit scary to me so I'm wondering if the book gives surrender a differend deffinition than I am familiar with?  I have a whole pile of books to read already, so I only want to add to it if I think I'll like it.  My FH and I joke about me wearing the pants and we're both fine with that.

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Guest
Re: The Surrendered Wife
Posted: Apr 10, 2006 7:46 PM Go to message in response to: aviatrix

Hi aviatrix!  To become a Surrendered Wife basically means to give up UNNECESSARY control that you are wielding because you feel scared of not having it, not because it is control you need to have.  For example, you wouldn't give up your career and stay home because your job is good control that is productive and that you need to have.  But, you wouldn't yell at your husband or correct him when he makes a mistake driving, because he is a grown up who knows how to drive.

It's a lot of little things that you don't even notice you are doing.  I can't really explain it all that well without writing a novel myself on the board here, but I can almost gaurantee you'll find the book interesting at best, especially if the idea scares you.

You don't necessarily have to do it if it looks like it won't work for you, but there is no harm in just reading the book.

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Guest
Re: The Surrendered Wife
Posted: Apr 11, 2006 1:18 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I feel like this thread, which is always being bumped, has given The Surrendered Wife a boatload of free publicity. 

Maybe it's just that people are interested in the book, I dunno.  But, if the thread has made you curious, you don't have to cough up full price for the book--you can find it on ebay for next to nothing.  Just enter the title in the search field.

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aviatrix Posts : 39 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: The Surrendered Wife
Posted: Apr 11, 2006 1:23 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Thanks for explaining it.  We don't yell at eachother over little things.  Maybe it's just the title that sounds really bad.

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Guest
Re: The Surrendered Wife
Posted: Apr 29, 2006 2:32 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

"We are getting married July 06, and we argue so much more now that we are engaged....A lot of married people I talk to, say it's soooo hard, and sometimes it's just awful..."

I got married last July, though my profile says it's THIS year (just so I could register because I wanted to reply to this thread...).

When my now husband and I got engaged, we started arguing a LOT more than we had, and like you, I wondered if getting married was a bad idea. Now, I can't speak for any of you, but deep down I was terrified. We went through with it, though... And then had the most AWFUL honeymoon - like "Just Married," only without the money and without all the funny parts. We just fought and fought. And when we got back home, we fought some more.

Now fast foward to end of April, 06 - 10 months later. We're so happy. We still fight once in a while, but not much. We're friends again. In LOVE again, actually. And it's getting better every day.

What happened? Personally, I think we were scared - of marriage, of committement, of growing up... And every little thing that happened - be it him not saying the right thing over dinner, me nagging him, or even pettier stuff - it made both of us wonder "is this a sign we're not right for each other?"

After the first few months of marriage, we had a big, big fight, which ended with us talking about divorce. We both started crying and acknowledged we didn't want to break up, even after the misery we'd been through. After that... Well, it wasn't magic, but things started to change. I laid off him, notn because I didn't want to be "the nagging wife," but because his annoying habits stopped scaring me. They're still annoying (in an endearing way), but when he belches first thing when he wakes up, or goes a day and a half without saying anything deeper than "wish I had a harley," it no longer terrifies me, because I know even with the occasional (sometimes more than occasional) "dumb guy" routine, he's still the kind, caring, sensitive, smart, funny, loving, adventureous man I fell in love with. He's just....a MAN.

And for him - at least so he says - my monthly weepiness and need to hash everything out, the fact I get weak-kneed whenever I so much as hear a baby in the next aisle at the supermarket, my ability to gab for hours at a time with friends, watch too much HGTV, and check in with mom once a day no longer makes him worry I'm not the adventure-loving, strong willed, loving (and adoring of him) girl HE fell in love with. I'm just...a GIRL, too.

The whole first few months of marriage for us was not the HONEYMOON period, it was more like "clash of continents" or something. But once we got used to the idea of being married (it's way different to BE married than to think about it before getting engaged), figured out we're still the same people we were before, etc, we started to find our stride. And lots of other women say similar things. Just ride it out...trust in each other, pray (if you beleive in that). Before the wedding, I think there's not a lot you can do, because fears about marriage can't really be calmed before you're in it...

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Guest
Re: The Surrendered Wife
Posted: May 2, 2006 5:30 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

GREAT post.

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Guest
Re: The Surrendered Wife
Posted: Jun 23, 2006 4:25 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

So women should relinquish power for the benefit of their men? Excuse me?! Why should women have to surrender this power? Does the book give any advice to husbands about relinquishing power to their wives? Men continue to be more powerful, even in 2006- and this book tells women to surrender even more?!

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Guest
Re: The Surrendered Wife
Posted: Jun 23, 2006 5:52 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

You missed the point.  Read the book or don't critique.

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Guest
Re: The Surrendered Wife
Posted: Jun 24, 2006 9:48 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Welcome to the thread that never dies.

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becsss Posts : 14 Registered: 5/20/06
Re: The Surrendered Wife
Posted: Nov 17, 2006 2:12 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Sorry to revive the thread once again :)

I just posted this on another thread but i'll do it again here. 

A book that I read is along the same lines I think as surrendered wife (even though i havent read that one i've heard lots about it). Its called "For Women Only" with a companion book for your husband/fiancee called "For Men only" both by a couple named Feldhaun.

I read it and gave the other to my BF and we both really liked it. All you need is someone to help you stand back and look at things from an unbiased view and so many things will begin to fall into place. I read mine cover to cover on my way home from the bookstore.

I highly reccomend that you give it a try!!

God Bless :)

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aec7c Posts : 114 Registered: 4/13/06
Re: The Surrendered Wife
Posted: Nov 17, 2006 10:42 AM Go to message in response to: becsss

I've read the book, and I don't think foof missed the point at all.  That's exactly what I got from it, and like another poster said awhile ago, I'm more than somewhat unimpressed.  Neither I nor DH feel that making a point of him being "the man of the house" is in line with what we really are -- A TEAM.  Sure, it's important not to nag.  However, I think it's just as important that my husband not do things that I feel are disrespectful to me, just like me nagging is disrespectful to him.  To me marriage is about compromise, and this book left me with the impression that I was supposed to be doing all the giving.  I don't think so.

~~August 12, 2006~~

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becsss Posts : 14 Registered: 5/20/06
Re: The Surrendered Wife
Posted: Nov 17, 2006 12:46 PM Go to message in response to: aec7c

like i said i i haven't read the book so take what i say with a grain of salt, i'm just saying what i think right now.

i think you're right.

"it's just as important that my husband not do things that I feel are disrespectful to me, just like me nagging is disrespectful to him.  To me marriage is about compromise"

i'm guessing what the author is trying to say is not that you're the only one doing all the giving and all the compromising for ever and ever. but that the giving has to start somewhere. and since you're the one reading the book it should be you. People dont naturally want to give without getting something back. What shes saying is to step outside of that for a minute and give no matter what. its like a big cycle: when you give then he gives and vice versa. but if you hold back then he holds back and vice versa.

it is important that your husband treat you with respect too. but i think the point of the book is to stop us from saying "i'll only respect him if he respects me" and start saying i'll love and respect him unconditionally.

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Guest
Re: The Surrendered Wife
Posted: Nov 19, 2006 7:01 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Surrendering financial knowledge and responsiblity is a good way to end up on welfare after a divorce.

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valerianone Posts : 1 Registered: 6/21/11
Re: The Surrendered Wife
Posted: Jun 21, 2011 2:04 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I noticed these comments are all several years old, but in case there are any young brides still reading this section I wanted to share this post. Many of the comments were from those who hadn't read the book and if they had read it they didn't give any indication that they had put any of the concepts in the book to the test. I've read the book The Surrendered Wife, and I've practiced all the things she said to do in the book for more than two years and it has changed my life and my marriage for the better. If you're married to a decent man, all the concepts set forth in the book work great! My life changed from me working too hard and feeling frustrated with my husbands lack of doing to me relaxing and enjoying my life while my husband does the things I always wanted him to do. Don't be afraid to relinquish your power, ladies! You'll find that you'll gain more power than you ever dreamed...The power to be a happy woman!

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