Young Marriage

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StonebargerToBe Posts : 3 Registered: 3/8/11
Young Marriage
Posted: Mar 8, 2011 6:49 PM

My FH and I will both be 19 when we marry in 3 months. I know a lot of people disagree with young marriage and I'm really not posting this so someone can tell me I'm making a mistake. I have done lots of praying and soul searching to figure out what is right for me and this is it. We are very much in love and looking forward to the rest of our lives together.

My question is, to the young couples out there, what have you loved, disliked, and learned through being married young? What are some things you struggled with. Just in general I'd like to know what its like for those of you who have chosen to marry young also! Also, to the more experianced, and those who have been married for sometime, do you have any advice?

**God gave me you for the ups and downs**

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Young Marriage
Posted: Mar 8, 2011 6:57 PM Go to message in response to: StonebargerToBe

dear Mrs S,

"Also, to the more experianced, and those who have been married for sometime, do you have any advice?"

I have been married almost 35 years, and have seen a lot of marriage start, fail and succeed in my time.

My best advice to you as 19-year olds is to realize that you still have a lot of growing to do before you settle into your respective adult lives. A 19-year old is a young adult. There is a lot of maturation that takes place between 19 and (approx) 25, then around 25 the process slows down a bit.

I suggest you and your FH make a serious effort to stay in close tough with each other as you hit maturation milestones. Discuss things with each other. Try to get intersted in each others' new hobbies. Get involved in activities together.

Have a very clear picture of what will happen if one or both decide to go on for post-secondary education. Will he feel diminshed if you get a bachelor's degree? Will you feel dumb if he gets a degree and you don't?

Finally, I suggest you get and read a book written for engaged and young married couples. It concerns finances. It's called "Financially Ever After" by Jeff D Opdyke. Mr Opdyke is a personal finance journalist for the Wall Street Journal.

It's not hearts-and-flowers romantic to talk about savings accounts, estate planning and budgets, but that is something that all married couples should do. Taking charge of your finances is a major milestone in the process of moving from young adult to adult.

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StonebargerToBe Posts : 3 Registered: 3/8/11
Re: Young Marriage
Posted: Mar 8, 2011 7:08 PM Go to message in response to: Aunt

Thanks so much! I understand about the milestones and changing. We are both very involved in each others lives and typically take time for the others evolved hobbies on a weekly basis.

As far as finances go, it is something we talk about greatly right now. We are both in college (which answers another question of yours) and talk a lot about our financial plans before and after we graduate since obviously there will be a difference in income.

I feel like we communicate much much more than other serious couples our age. We talk about everything and realize that there are important things we must discuss aside from the things we find fun or interesting. I am confident that this aspect of our relationship will remain sound.

Thanks for your advice and the book recommendation. :)

**God gave me you for the ups and downs**

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Young Marriage
Posted: Mar 8, 2011 9:52 PM Go to message in response to: StonebargerToBe

FWIW.... my parents got married when they were 20. They are STILL together. In fact, this year they will celebrate their 45th anniversary.

They do a lot of things together. They share hobbies, and friends.

They were a military couple, with my father being an airman (and my mother being a WAF .... that's a "women's air force" which is no longer separated.) So they made next to no money.

They were great marriage role models for me.

Misty

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Deleted Posts : 23 Registered: 1/7/10
Re: Young Marriage
Posted: Apr 20, 2011 3:36 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

i get the same response when i tell people im engaged im currently 23 yrs old my fiance is 22 people tell us all the time we are to young but i think it depends on the couple if you want to stay married you will. You will find ways to make your marriage work nobody ever said marriage or even being in a relationship is easy nothing is thats why we must work hard at everything we believe in. I know some people who got married at 18 and 19 and still together after 20 and 30 yrs so you just have to hang in there if you really love the person

best of luck to you!

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almostmrsgarner Posts : 7 Registered: 4/19/11
Re: Young Marriage
Posted: Apr 20, 2011 4:33 PM Go to message in response to: StonebargerToBe

The first thing that i'd say is that it really doesnt have anything to do with age. It's your level of love, patience, understanding and forgiveness that matter. Second, make sure that if children are in your future plans, take your time and make sure that you 2 have plenty of time together first. Having children is a blessing but it can be very trying especially when you are young and just easing into adulthood and marriage. third, sounds like you have a strong faith in God. Hold on to him and he will carry you thru the tough times as well as the good. He's awesome! my only other piece of advice is never yell, call names or go to bed angry. always remember that the person laying next to you is your best friend..talk to them and treat them that way every second :) you'll do awesome!!! Good Luck to you :)

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StonebargerToBe Posts : 3 Registered: 3/8/11
Re: Young Marriage
Posted: May 2, 2011 7:29 PM Go to message in response to: almostmrsgarner

Thanks for all the advice ladies.

To almostmrsgarner (?) Yes we both have a lot of faith in God, in fact he is the MAIN reason we are together today. We both went through a lot in the friend stage of our relationship and prayer played a very large role in our final decision to begin dating. Things havent changed since.

We plan to wait at least 4-5 years before children. Of course we want to finish school, and we both have things we want to accomplish before children. Of course getting to know each other during those years is also a big part of our decision. We want time to get to know each other and spend those years with a focus on the other before we chose to devote ourselves to children. Children need a good foundation and that requires us to have a good foundation in each other.

I am very confident in our relationship and what God has planned for it. I know there will obviously be times that are rough and we'll deal with a lot of things but the great thing is that we'll have each other, our best friend, to be there each step of the way.

Thanks again ladies!!

**God gave me you for the ups and downs**

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xhiddenlove Posts : 3 Registered: 5/29/09
Re: Young Marriage
Posted: Sep 11, 2011 12:06 PM Go to message in response to: StonebargerToBe

I am the same age as you will be and I got engaged when I was just 17 years old. A lot of people said it was stupid, as we were still growing up and we shouldn't be tied down to just one person at such a young age. And after having so many people tell you that, I thought they were right. But then I started thinking that,in the three years that we've been together we've grown together and have been through many struggles, but in the end were always here for one another. He tells me everyday how much he loves me, and has no doubts that I'm the person that he wants to spend the rest of his life with. We are going to start planning our wedding next year and hopefully we will have a long and happy life together.

Good luck to you two, and don't let anyone get you down!

Daisypath Anniversary tickers

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EmilyEastondotcom Posts : 38 Registered: 7/16/11
Re: Young Marriage
Posted: Sep 12, 2011 1:13 PM Go to message in response to: StonebargerToBe

My advice for a great marriage is simple: be nice.

Couples at any age can get into a "me" vs. "him." Don't get into thinking, "I'll be darn if I'm going to make the bed when he leaves his socks laying around" or those types of combative thinking. Instead, want to genuinely please each other, putting each other first.

I have seem many marriages of young people work out very well! They can be quite strong marriages because they have stayed committed to each other and grown with each other.

Be as nice to your husband as you are to your boyfriend and fiance. Really. Every day. Be nice.

Edited by: EmilyEastondotcom on Sep 12, 2011 1:14 PM

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thebridezilla Posts : 2 Registered: 10/8/11
Re: Young Marriage
Posted: Oct 8, 2011 1:14 PM Go to message in response to: StonebargerToBe

How long have you actually been together and how long have you known each other?

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onlyone1147 Posts : 13 Registered: 10/12/11
Re: Young Marriage
Posted: Oct 12, 2011 5:21 PM Go to message in response to: StonebargerToBe

wow! that is young. But when you know you know. Im 21 and getting married we have only been together for 1.5 years! Just forget about the haters, you know whats right for you! I also dont think that just young marriages fail, Any aged marriage failed, because people dont try to work it out, and give up on each other way to easy. Getting married is sacred, and so many people forget that.

Best wishes

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jamesbernard Posts : 2 Registered: 5/17/12
Re: Young Marriage
Posted: May 17, 2012 1:36 PM Go to message in response to: onlyone1147

Well, I totally agree with you at this point that "Getting married is sacred and many people forget that"

Interquartile Range - Coefficient of Determination

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jackson132 Posts : 1,623 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: Young Marriage
Posted: Sep 15, 2012 12:57 AM Go to message in response to: StonebargerToBe

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Janny7878 Posts : 6 Registered: 12/17/10
Re: Young Marriage
Posted: Apr 4, 2013 6:05 PM Go to message in response to: StonebargerToBe

You continue to learn, grow, and change. As long as you continue to grow together you will have a long lasting love. Age has nothing to do with it. Couples in their 40s grow apart because their life are going in different directions.

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