So I've been lurking here for awhile, planning my wedding, and never thought I'd post. But now I feel like I'm getting cold feet. I don't think that Just Engaged is the right forum, but I don't know which is.
Essentially what I'm wondering is if anyone else suffers from Cold Feet? My wedding is the end of April, and everything is planned and ready to go. But the last few weeks, things have happened which make me question.
FH and I are both 26. We met online, and dated for 8 months before he proposed. We've had a 8 month engagement. We love each other very much.
But in the last 3 weeks, I've had my MOH, 2 aunts I'm close too, and a close cousin all tell me we are moving too fast and we should slow down and postpone the wedding. They are also concerned because it looks like he will be laid off in the next month or so. My job is stable, and I have no worries about me.
I've talked to FH about this. Well, talked/cried. He says we know our own minds and shouldn't listen to others who aren't there day to day in our lives.
But it's really bothering me that my family would say this. It seems like a huge red flag that they don't support my marriage. But on the other hand, I can't imagine my life without him.
So, my question- have any of you had cold feet like this, or known people who have? And what was the result?
I was 27, the first time I got married. I had dated my X for two and a half years before we got engaged. And we had a year and a half long engagement. That's four years into a relationship.
I had cold feet. However, I brushed it aside for many reasons. But let me tell you why I had the cold feet.
1. He promised he'd quit smoking, but he never did
2. He never was on time for anything. ANYTHING (including, you know, his job)
3. He would randomly stand me up. Sure, he always had a good excuse, but still.
4. Three weeks before the wedding, I got a call from the best man's wife. Do you know my idiot X had not even told his Best Man the contact info for the tux place? Or what he was supposed to reserve in case he wanted to do it closer to where he lived?!!!
5. Just a general feeling of "OMG, I should not marry him."
There were a lot of things. Differences in opinions, nothing fightworthy...a lot of "let's agree to disagree"
I KNEW I WAS SETTLING. (I also did not think I deserved better.)
We had our photos taken before the ceremony. On my wedding day, I actually uttered these words -- I had gotten to the point where I was frustrated and frazzled and just fed up. "If he is so much as one minute late for the photos, the wedding is off." (first time that jerk was ever on time.)
And my family didn't have a sit down with me right then and there. I wish they had. But they assumed it was just pre-wedding jitters.
There is a difference between an intrinsic reevaluation of a relationship that makes you stop and say "hey wait".... and pre-wedding jitters. But we all expect the jitters, so many times we'll overlook real issues and just chalk it up to the jitters.
The engagement period is a time where you have taken your relationship to the next level. Yes, it is about planning a wedding...BUT YOU ARE NOT MARRIED YET. This is the time to really really really think about it.
Yes, your FH has an issue holding a job down. Is it really just the economy? And it might be. Only you can know. Sure, your family is scared because you're about to support another person, and he's soon to be unemployed. But is it that he is unemployable, or that there are other things.
How does he treat you? Are you a priority to him? That's a very important question. Money, you can learn to do with less...but if he makes you feel like you are less than, that is a problem.