My ring is white gold and I really wanted platinum, what do I do?

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buckeye2010 Posts : 2 Registered: 1/10/11
My ring is white gold and I really wanted platinum, what do I do?
Posted: Jan 25, 2011 11:06 AM

I got engaged about a year ago. My fiance had a beautiful ring hand-made for me. I love the setting, the diamonds are exactly what I wanted. I get complimented on it all the time.

The problem is ..... I wanted platinum, and he got me white gold. I only wear silver jewelry, I hate gold anything. Every time I look at my ring, I see the gold. I thought he originally said that he had gotten white gold because the jeweler didn't have platinum. Later, he said he wanted to pay cash for my ring and had a amount saved but didn't want to wait several more months to save more for the platinum ring.

Now we're looking at wedding bands, and he picked out a platinum band that he wants. I told him to get the platinum because he works with his hands and a white gold one will get beat up.

I feel that this is something I'm going to wear for the rest of my life, and I should have exactly what I want. Am I being selfish and/or unreasonable? Should I tell him that I would like to have the ring reset in platinum? And if so, how do I do that without hurting his feelings? The ring is gorgeous, and I love it. I don't want him to think that I don't like this ring he put so much thought into and not to mention money.

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: My ring is white gold and I really wanted platinum, what do I do?
Posted: Jan 25, 2011 11:14 AM Go to message in response to: buckeye2010

White gold is the same color as silver, so I really don't understand how you see the gold in your ring? Is it really worth possibily hurting your FH's feelings just because the ring wasn't the "right" metal?

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: My ring is white gold and I really wanted platinum, what do I do?
Posted: Jan 25, 2011 11:31 AM Go to message in response to: buckeye2010

I'm with the PP - I don't know how you 'see the gold' and I don't see how you can ask without it hurting his feelings.

Also, if it was handmade the expense would be a lot - that would weigh out with me. But maybe that's not an issue for you I don't know.

Basically, you can always ask, but I wouldn't recommend it unless you're willing to sacrifice on a lot of other things, including potentially your relationship.

 

 

 

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buckeye2010 Posts : 2 Registered: 1/10/11
Re: My ring is white gold and I really wanted platinum, what do I do?
Posted: Jan 25, 2011 11:41 AM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsDJLeo

My white gold ring has never looked silver. It has always looked gold. I don't know if it wasn't plated in rhodanium or why it is so much more yellow than any other white gold I've seen. I have read into having it dipped into rhodanium, but they say it will wear off and need redone every 6 months to a year on a ring because of the wear.

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08divabride Posts : 831 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: My ring is white gold and I really wanted platinum, what do I do?
Posted: Jan 25, 2011 12:56 PM Go to message in response to: buckeye2010

The question you asked in your title is what do you do? My answer is nothing. The best thing to do without hurting your FH's feelings is get the ring dipped.

If you haave to get it dipped every 6 months to a year, that may be an option for you. Platinum can be very expensive and maybe it was not in the budget for him at the time.

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: My ring is white gold and I really wanted platinum, what do I do?
Posted: Jan 25, 2011 1:00 PM Go to message in response to: buckeye2010

Dear Buckeye,

" And if so, how do I do that without hurting his feelings?"

I can't see any way to say "Take back this lousy cheap gold ring that you had hand-made for me and get me a platinum ring that is more than you can afford. Go into debt if you have to. I want exactly what I want and nothing else will do." without hurting his feelings.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5jxvEs3hYk

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: My ring is white gold and I really wanted platinum, what do I do?
Posted: Jan 25, 2011 1:16 PM Go to message in response to: buckeye2010

Rings need to get dipped and cleaned every 6 months or so, especially if you do plan on wearing them every day. Just like anything else, clothes, car, house, shoes, jewelry wears down with usage. It also depends on how well you are taking care of your ring. Do you take it off when your working with your hands, or washing or putting lotion on your hands? Everyday activities like that could put more wear on the metal. I highly suggest you go get the ring cleaned and dipped every 6 months. I got it right done before my wedding and I can show you pics, it looks brand new even though I've been wearing it daily for over 3 years. In my job, I meet new people every day, and there's been times (far after my engagement) that people I've met will notice my ring and compliment it, I've even gotten "Congratulations" from people thinking I've recently got engaged, even though I've had the ring for well over a couple of years now, LOL.

Are you thinking if you get a platinum ring you won't ever have to get it cleaned or polished? And I'm not an expert on metals, but I assume that platinum could get scratched just as easily as gold, but I could be wrong. I'm sure there is someone else on here who would have better knowledge.

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shirley16 Posts : 14 Registered: 1/13/11
Re: My ring is white gold and I really wanted platinum, what do I do?
Posted: Jan 25, 2011 1:34 PM Go to message in response to: Aunt

Gosh, my engagement ring is white gold and I feel a little hurt when you compare it to platinum in this manner.

@ Aunt

Your response was quite hilarious.

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: My ring is white gold and I really wanted platinum, what do I do?
Posted: Jan 25, 2011 2:19 PM Go to message in response to: shirley16

Dear Shirley,

Look at the bright side. This might be a True Test of the relationship.

If he meekly says "Yes, Dear", then she's found her guy.

If not, then it's back to the singles bars where rich guys hang out looking for chicks.

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ConfusedBride2012 Posts : 7 Registered: 1/24/11
Re: My ring is white gold and I really wanted platinum, what do I do?
Posted: Jan 25, 2011 8:21 PM Go to message in response to: buckeye2010

I understand how you can "see the gold", but you probably just need to have it plated. Like others have suggested, a quick rhodium dip will make it look like new and sparkling white. I have a white gold band and a platinum e-ring. My white gold band looks much whiter and brighter than my e-ring.

My suggestion is to get your ring dipped every 6-12 months (or more if you like). When I took mine in, they charged me $20. So, $40 a year for the next 10 years is $400.. probably 10% of what you would need to recreate your ring in platinum. Then maybe on your 10 year anniversary you can reset?

Unfortunately, others are correct.. there's no way to bring this up to him without hurting his feelings. He clearly put a lot of time and money into this custom setting.. your suggestion would likely be very hurtful and make you seem ungrateful.

On a last note, are you sure you even like platinum? Do you have any platinum jewelry? From personal experience, I will tell you that it took me a while to get used to my ring because it was heavy and uncomfortable. Also, a lot of people are not fans of the patina that develops. Instead of enjoying the shiny, reflective look for 6 months (like white gold), my ring shines for maybe 2 months after getting polished then looks kind of err.. dull. I will not be able to get a white gold wedding band because it will make my ering look DULL (so, I probably wont get one at all.. haha).

Be happy that your fiance wanted to marry you so much that he couldn't wait 2 more months to propose! :)

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Dunebug Posts : 30 Registered: 11/8/10
Re: My ring is white gold and I really wanted platinum, what do I do?
Posted: Jan 26, 2011 11:00 AM Go to message in response to: buckeye2010

"I feel that this is something I'm going to wear for the rest of my life, and I should have exactly what I want. Am I being selfish and/or unreasonable? Should I tell him that I would like to have the ring reset in platinum? And if so, how do I do that without hurting his feelings? The ring is gorgeous, and I love it. I don't want him to think that I don't like this ring he put so much thought into and not to mention money."

I don't really see why everyone is being so rude. The OP has a legitimate question and does not seem like she does not appreciate the time and money that her fiance put into the ring.

To the OP: I would not mention this to your FH. I think that the dipping process suggested by PP's is probably the best route. The ring that you have now is a ring that you love, and you know that your fiance got you the best that he could. I suspect that this post is the more "materialistic" side of you that is indulging herself. I think we all have these moments and it's a good thing that you decided to ask a bunch of anonymous strangers instead of your FH. Someone who was truly bratty and controlling wouldn't have questioned if she was out of line or not.

Many people choose to have their rings reset for an anniversary gift or for other special occasions. I think that depends on the sentimental value your ring holds for you. Not everyone sees an E-ring the same way. If, in many years, you still have a problem with the ring, you may want to consider that. I wouldn't mention the fact that you have always wanted to reset the ring, though.

However, you may find that you grew to love it even more with time, and that you couldn't imagine parting with it. You may even regret it later if you reset it now.

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Dunebug Posts : 30 Registered: 11/8/10
Re: My ring is white gold and I really wanted platinum, what do I do?
Posted: Jan 26, 2011 11:17 AM Go to message in response to: buckeye2010

Also, I think that if your ring really, truly looks yellow (try getting the opinion of another person, preferably someone that won't mention it to your FH), there might actually be a problem with the metal that was used. I'm no expert, but it seems like it's possible. Maybe someone else here knows more about it.

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: My ring is white gold and I really wanted platinum, what do I do?
Posted: Jan 26, 2011 11:58 AM Go to message in response to: Dunebug

If it's bugging you that much, pay for it yourself. Seriously.

I have a white gold ring. After wearing it for about a year, a rash developed underneath the ring and I learned that I have a gold allergy. It sucks. To deal, I have it dipped in platinum regularly (about every 18 months is all that's needed).

There may come a day when I decide to replace the metal with platinum. But that costs money I don't really want to spend, and don't see myself spending any time soon. And it would be "our" expense, not his expense. But right now, it's just not a priority.

I can't imagine making this a priority at a time when the two of you should be saving money for a wedding and/or savings for the life you will have together.

__________________________________________

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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MrsPaul Posts : 186 Registered: 1/15/08
Re: My ring is white gold and I really wanted platinum, what do I do?
Posted: Jan 26, 2011 4:38 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

Like PP's said I'd just try getting it dipped. I actually have a white gold e-ring and wedding band and love it when I get it sent in. It comes back all shiny and brand new. :) I think, at least in my case, that the white gold option of my rings is more silver looking that the platinum option. The platinum looked very gray and darker in comparison to the white gold and we saved a couple thousand on the setting choice that we were able to put towards our Hawaiian honeymoon! :)

wedding ticker for myspace  BabyFruit Ticker

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: My ring is white gold and I really wanted platinum, what do I do?
Posted: Jan 26, 2011 9:57 PM Go to message in response to: MrsPaul

I have had my white gold e-ring for about 2.5 years -- and I've not had to have it redipped once. I do occasionally have the jeweler clean it.

My white gold wedding band, I've had for 1 year 4 months --I've not had it dipped either.

These are rings I wear daily. I take them off when I get home and put them in a jewelry box that has those anti-tarnish properties. They still look great.

I love my white gold. I have an epiphany necklace -- which is basically platinum plated. I can't really tell the difference between that necklace and my white gold ones.

What do you do? Nothing. You love what you already have. What's that song... the one that says something about not getting what you want, but wanting what you get. Embrace that.

And truly...there are a LOT of things I wish I could have. But I also recognize reality. For example: If I'm buying a house that I'm going to live in for the rest of my life, should I not be entitled to a castle? Reality: I can't afford one...so the castle has to be of my heart--love the home I have. :)

I think a big part of your issue is that you wanted platinum and did not get it...HE did, and some part of you is stomping her foot and screaming "NO FAIR!" (and that's an honest feeling). Wanna know something?

My wedding band, plain and unadorned, is not what I wanted. The day I had to accept that band was difficult. I actually broke down in tears in the store the day I went to pick up the first set of them (there were going to be two plain bands on either side of my E-ring). They looked horrendous to me. Kay Jewelers was absolutely amazing. They returned the wedding bands I had and put the full amount towards the wedding band I got. I did have DH on the phone with me when I did it. The thing: my fingers are so freakin small that until they came in, we had no way of knowing how awful the rings would look together. My wedding ring SAGA is something of purest disappointment...and those pathetic little bands were just the last straw.

I went from having a band designed by my husband and I to having a band that looks like a white gold version of the One Ring from Lord of the Rings. (my signature shows what my wedding band was SUPPOSED to look like.)

My husband has the most beautiful ring. It is white gold with a princess cut blue sapphire (for men, they call it Square Cut) and white sapphires. It matches my E-ring beautifully. Our bands together do look amazing. But.... dang it! It's not fair! My wedding band is BORING :)

I look back on it and kinda grin. I really was upset about the thing and I hated my wedding band.....

until the day I got married. Now I like it. I don't LOVE the ring. I love what it stands for, but it is just a placer ring to me (I love the amount of white gold in it...because on our 10 year anniversary, we're melting those puppies down and having the wedding bands we DESIGNED made out of that gold. It will be different bands, but it will be our wedding gold.) And part of why I did choose that ring was that it would provide sufficient white gold for the anniversary re-melt. Not sure what we'll do with DH's sapphires. My E-ring will become part of the wedding band. We might see about having the blue sapphires mounted in the heart, and use the white sapphires elsewhere on the band. But that's then.
.....

Right now, I love my unique wedding set. Everyone who sees it loves it.

Have I told my husband how disappointed I was in my wedding band? No. Have I told him I was jealous he had a spiffy wedding band and I had a boring plain thing? No again. Why? It was the best we could afford to go with the E-ring I have...the only thing we could afford that did not detract from my E-ring. I refused to look at rings that were out of budget. I have to live with it. And no, it's not the best that money could buy

But it was the best that OUR money could buy.

You already love your ring and what it stands for. Accept it for what it is -- a testament to your FH's love for you. It's meaning matters more than the metal it is made of.

Misty

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