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Am I REALLY engaged??

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Ashleycbhshtx Posts : 4 Registered: 1/20/11
Am I REALLY engaged??
Posted: Jan 20, 2011 1:32 PM

Hello ladies, my name is Ashley. My fiance and I have been together for about a year and a half. We're in a long distance relationship as of now, and intend on moving in together in the summer time. We've only seen each other a handful of times, since the distance is pretty far. The thing is, he proposed to me while I was home and he was home. He told me he wanted to be married to be, and told me he purchased a ring and everything. I dont have the ring on my finger, and we both decided it would be best to wait until the next time we see each other for him to give me the ring, but I want to know if I can say to my friends, "Hey guess what! I'm engaged." And then they ask where the ring is... It's just weird. Any advice ladies??

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Aunt Posts : 796 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Am I REALLY engaged??
Posted: Jan 20, 2011 1:47 PM Go to message in response to: Ashleycbhshtx

Dear Ashley,

You are engaged from the moment the two of you agree to get married.

Sometimes people keep it secret for a while for various reasons. They might not want to make it public until they have a ring, they are closer to the date, they are finished with school, until a divorce is final, whatever.

But you are engaged and, assuming your FH agrees, you want to tell people. Go for it.

If you still feel weird about it, maybe tell people you are "unofficially engaged", and hope to get the ring soon adn then make it "official". That's just semantics. The fact of the matter is, you both have agreed to marry so you are engaged. Just make sure you and FH are on the same page in regards to telling people.

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Ashleycbhshtx Posts : 4 Registered: 1/20/11
Re: Am I REALLY engaged??
Posted: Jan 20, 2011 1:58 PM Go to message in response to: Aunt

He's lucky he doesn't have that problem... I believe he's told a couple of key people, his best friend, his Grandmother, and his mom. I think the only thing I'm truely worried about is going to check out vendors for the wedding, a wedding planner, caterers, cake people. Most of these things are done together with the fiance, considering his opinion really matters to me. We decided the planning of the wedding would be mutual, not where I just take his check book and pick out everything. We'll be picking out everything together, all the way down to the flower arrangements. We are currently waiting for him to finish school to come down here, at least for the time before the wedding. Afterwards, it's up to us to decide where we want to be then. But thanks for the advice.

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Aunt Posts : 796 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Am I REALLY engaged??
Posted: Jan 20, 2011 2:42 PM Go to message in response to: Ashleycbhshtx

Dear Ashley,

"I think the only thing I'm truely worried about is going to check out vendors for the wedding, a wedding planner, caterers, cake people."

Here is my suggestion.

Scope out various vendors, perhaps by talking to people about word-of-mouth referrals. Get some wedding magazines (I used Brides) and look at the ads.

There's nothing wrong with doing some legwork ahead of FH coming into town and going around with you.

I suggest you get a looseleaf notebook and some pocket folders. When you see something you like, tear it out of the magazine or get the vendor's business card. Stick that in your pocket folder. When you see FH, go through your stuff with him, and eliminate anything he dislikes. Similarly, eliminate stuff as you find other things you like. Make notes.

Once FH comes back and you are in a position to really start planning, you'll be ready. You will be able to go through it efficiently, rather than just saying "Duh" and starting from Square One.

Lots of women do just that, even pre-engaged or even pre-boyfriend. I see nothing wrong with looking around and refining your choices. I started looking at houses, for example, long before I was in a financial position to buy.

Finally, hang around this message board. You'll pick up a lot of pointers, learn what worked for others and what did not work for some.

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Ashleycbhshtx Posts : 4 Registered: 1/20/11
Re: Am I REALLY engaged??
Posted: Jan 20, 2011 3:29 PM Go to message in response to: Aunt

You've really helped, Aunt. I appreciate it. I just spoke with a venue on the outside of houston, and I fell in love with it. Planning way ahead is REALLY helpful!!

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Aunt Posts : 796 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Am I REALLY engaged??
Posted: Jan 20, 2011 5:51 PM Go to message in response to: Ashleycbhshtx

Dear Ashley,

I was in sort of the same situation. I lived 1300 miles away from my hometown, where Mom and Dad lived. I wanted to get married in my hometown.

I was in grad school and very busy. My mother, God bless her, did what I am advising you to do. She asked all her friends and got a short list of "good" vendors. Then, I flew back home and spend a very efficient four days making final decisions. We both had loose leaf notebooks.

I got married way before the Internet made research so easy. I really relied on Brides Magazine for inspiration and help. My mom and I could sit on the phone and say "What do you think of the dress on Page 52?".

Edited to change "friend" to "friends". My mom had more than one friend!

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08divabride Posts : 832 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: Am I REALLY engaged??
Posted: Jan 21, 2011 9:45 AM Go to message in response to: Ashleycbhshtx

Hey Ashley, Aunt gave you some excellent advice (as she usually does!).

Like she stated, if both of you have mutually decided to get married, you're engaged! Congrats!!!

I was in a similar situation. I considered myself engaged before he got on one knee and asked. It was because we talked about it, and I knew it was coming. I'd even started some of the planning!

Fast forward to present. We are saving up and paying down bills to buy a house. Even though we are not where we should be, we've started looking at different areas, so when the time comes, we know where we want to live.

Good luck, welcome to the boards and keep us posted!

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Aunt Posts : 796 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: Am I REALLY engaged??
Posted: Jan 21, 2011 12:54 PM Go to message in response to: 08divabride

Dear Diva,

" We are saving up and paying down bills to buy a house."

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!

It is totally worth it in the end. Imagine making your last house payment, then living years longer in a house rent- and payment-free.

All we have to do is pay homeowners insurance and property taxes, plus the usual maintenance.

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08divabride Posts : 832 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: Am I REALLY engaged??
Posted: Jan 21, 2011 1:26 PM Go to message in response to: Aunt

Thanks Aunt! I am so excited, we have been renting ever since we got married and I am at the point where I can no longer tolerate making somebody else financially stable! It is time for us to jump in while the market is suited towards buyers.

I can only imagine making the last payment. That would be a huge day for celebration!!!

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mulcebar Posts : 2 Registered: 4/5/11
Re: Am I REALLY engaged??
Posted: Apr 5, 2011 5:07 PM Go to message in response to: Ashleycbhshtx

Absolutley you are engaged. I think the whole ring thing is over rated anyway. I mean are you engaged if the ring isnt a diamond? are you engaged if he doesnt get down on bended knee? hell, he proposed, you accepted, you're engaged. end of story.:)

mulcebar
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tellyy1122 Posts : 9 Registered: 10/15/11
Re: Am I REALLY engaged??
Posted: May 28, 2012 3:29 AM Go to message in response to: Ashleycbhshtx

i would rather wait till we see each other again..its better and more exciting in person........then again from reading ur post.........just putting my two cents!!!

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EncoreDT Posts : 117 Registered: 5/29/12
Re: Am I REALLY engaged??
Posted: May 29, 2012 10:21 PM Go to message in response to: tellyy1122

So how did it work out? Did you end up getting the ring? Are you married?

Diamond Rings
Engagement Rings

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vivianlove Posts : 4 Registered: 4/17/12
Re: Am I REALLY engaged??
Posted: May 29, 2012 10:50 PM Go to message in response to: Aunt

I think wedding ring is a form, you are truly in love and want to have a perfect marriage are the most important.

wedding , wedding , rings
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EncoreDT Posts : 117 Registered: 5/29/12
Re: Am I REALLY engaged??
Posted: Jun 16, 2012 8:17 PM Go to message in response to: vivianlove

I agree. My thought is, whether you're engaged or not is in your heart, not in a ring or formal proposal. Situations are so different out there, but if you truly feel connected to the person, the ring and the proposal are nothing but a check mark to put the engagement "on the books".


Diamond Rings
Engagement Rings

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harryowen82 Posts : 1 Registered: 6/23/12
Re: Am I REALLY engaged??
Posted: Jun 23, 2012 5:36 AM Go to message in response to: EncoreDT

I am really happy for my life after weeding.

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