anyone have a wedding with just immediate family...?

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juliebeannn Posts : 1 Registered: 12/28/10
anyone have a wedding with just immediate family...?
Posted: Jan 6, 2011 11:00 PM

hellooo ladies!!

anyone have or been to a wedding with just immediate family present? how was it?

i've been so torn about what to do. i can't chose between having a wedding with just immediate family or to have a wedding roughly 30 (best friends and family) or 60 (closest friends and family).

i was never that girl who dreamed of her wedding day since she was a little girl. i still don't have any gut feelings either way. i've been to 40 weddings in the last 3 years so i'm pretty wedding-ed out and don't care to plan one of my own. i always said, "the more weddings i go to, the less i want one of my own."

i feel like have a wedding with friends (30 or 60), would be more to make everyone else happy. my FI would like to have just immediate family there. he keeps telling me to do what makes me happy, but i don't know what that is! some days, i just want to have immediate family there then i think about not having my best friends there and think, i'll have a bigger wedding.

either way, i don't want the dancing and all the typical wedding stuff. i just want a simple lunch or dinner with people i love.

sigh. sorry about the rambling. the confusion is so much crazier in my head.

any ideas? any thoughts?

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Aunt Posts : 794 Registered: 12/31/10
Re: anyone have a wedding with just immediate family...?
Posted: Jan 7, 2011 10:23 AM Go to message in response to: juliebeannn

Dear Julie,

Only you can listen to your gut and make your final decision.

"either way, i don't want the dancing and all the typical wedding stuff. i just want a simple lunch or dinner with people i love. "

That's fine. Nothing wrong with a simple reception.

Here is my suggestion. Go around to various local hotels and restaurants and ask about a private banquet room. In a private banquet room, you get your own dedicated servers and choose from a pre-selected menu. The meals on the banquet menu are cheaper, per head, than meals on their regular menu.

When you look at the private banquet rooms, you might start forming a clearer image of how many people you want to invite. In other words, it would become more "real" to you, and not just nebulous theory. That might help form your opinion as to what is best for you and your FH.

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Beeble Posts : 306 Registered: 11/19/09
Re: anyone have a wedding with just immediate family...?
Posted: Jan 7, 2011 10:41 AM Go to message in response to: Aunt

Julie,

That's kinda what my fiancee and I are doing for our wedding. His dad's side of the family has 13 brothers and sisters but they are not close, so he will be inviting his mom, dad, sister and husband, and the one cousin who we see a few times a year and his girlfriend. He doubts he will even have best man or groomsmen. Me and my side of the family is very close, but we have a smaller family so I'm inviting parents, my bro and fam, and all my aunts and uncles and cousins and my 2 best friends and their families. Altogether we will be between 40 and 50. We may allow both our parents to have 4 guest invites if they really push it. I hate being in front of large crowds so I wanted to keep it to people that I already know and not inviting people for peoples sake.

I think it is going to work out very well. Do what you are comfortable with and what falls within your budget!

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bridehannah Posts : 17 Registered: 1/7/11
Re: anyone have a wedding with just immediate family...?
Posted: Jan 7, 2011 12:51 PM Go to message in response to: Beeble

agreed. if it isn't your thing to have a big wedding just do what you want and spend the money on something more your style- like a fabulous honeymoon!

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josie1986 Posts : 18 Registered: 1/3/11
Re: anyone have a wedding with just immediate family...?
Posted: Jan 7, 2011 1:49 PM Go to message in response to: juliebeannn

What you can do is have a wedding ceremony that is small and only includes immediate family. You can then have a reception or even a party on a separate date to include both family and friends or just friends. If a large wedding is something you are not interested in, you are under no obligation to throw one.

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AlwaysSublime Posts : 28 Registered: 9/17/08
Re: anyone have a wedding with just immediate family...?
Posted: Jan 7, 2011 4:41 PM Go to message in response to: juliebeannn

I am going through a similar planning process. Ours is going to be exactly how you described: lunch served at the reception, no dancing, no alcohol... very simple and informal.

My FH and I have plenty of time before we have to send out invites, but right now the list of people to invite is about 50: immediate family (including several step-brothers & sisters and their significant others), any aunts/uncles/grandparents etc that live close by and very close friends that we see regularly.

I would suggest if you go with a family-only affair, to make your closest girlfriends bridesmaids, that way you can have friends at your wedding, but not so many that your guest list soars.

If you decide to invite friends, I have read several books and magazine that suggest you set limits. Have you seen these friends at least once in the past couple months (or whatever amount of time you decide)? Have they been supportive of you during your relationship with your fiancé? Has your fiancé even met them and vice-versa for his friends? That may help you decide on what friends to invite.

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PolarIce Posts : 39 Registered: 12/17/10
Re: anyone have a wedding with just immediate family...?
Posted: Jan 8, 2011 4:23 PM Go to message in response to: juliebeannn

Do what makes you happy. Now our days(please no get offended by this), I find weddings are about who can make the grandest and biggest wedding. I find the true meaning of a wedding, the celebration of the wedding has really been lost in most of them.
A friend once told me, that she invited about 80 close friends and family members for her 2nd wedding. Of those friends(80% of the people there), only 4 she speaks to regularly just 5 years after her wedding.

I find absolutely nothing wrong with having a wedding that mainly has family. I think it would probably make your wedding that much more personal and special on that big day.

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Almira Posts : 4 Registered: 2/28/11
Re: anyone have a wedding with just immediate family...?
Posted: Feb 28, 2011 6:58 AM Go to message in response to: juliebeannn

Hi there! I felt so relieved when I saw your post. Did you already have your wedding? What did you decide on? My fiance and I are going through the exact same thing and I don't know what to do. Our wedding is only two and a half months away and everyone is driving me crazy with asking what we are doing. The problem is that we don't mind having our family (about 30 people) to the ceremony, but we don't want to do the whole reception thing. We can't believe how much it costs and find it foolish for us to spend so much money on one day. The important thing is we are marrying each other. What did you end up doing? Thanks so much!!!

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: anyone have a wedding with just immediate family...?
Posted: Feb 28, 2011 7:38 AM Go to message in response to: Almira

Almira - You don't have to do a reception. You could just go out to dinner with the immediate family or something - that's what my friends did.

There are restaurants where you can rent a room or reserve an area and just do a nice dinner - no reception with music and dancing, etc etc. Just a get together meal to spend time together and celebrate your marriage.

OR just do cake and punch in the church or wherever you are having the ceremony. Just let guests know it's light cake and refreshments, not a full meal and plan the wedding at a time that people wouldn't expect a full meal.

 

 

 

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Almira Posts : 4 Registered: 2/28/11
Re: anyone have a wedding with just immediate family...?
Posted: Feb 28, 2011 11:00 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Thanks for your input. That is true. I am just having trouble finding a restaurant that will acoomodate my size (30). They either have an event room that is too big or way too small. The ceremony is going to be outside by the water. I was considering inviting everyone to the ceremony and then having a get together with all after our honeymoon. Your friend who had a small wedding with immediate family...did they have a private room at the restaurant? I don't mind having people at my ceremony, I just want a low key, short dinner after. Thanks again

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: anyone have a wedding with just immediate family...?
Posted: Feb 28, 2011 11:20 AM Go to message in response to: Almira

My one friend just had a 'section' of a restaurant. My other friend eloped more or less and then had a 'delayed reception' in a room at a restaurant.

I know that for our rehearsal dinner, we had it at a nice diner in NJ - They had a back room that easily fit the 20+ people, could have fit more and were very accommodating.

Maybe try something like that - or find a restaurant that can have you in an area that might not be a 'private' room.

I don't know - I'm just trying to brain storm here to think of different ideas to try and help. :-)

 

 

 

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Almira Posts : 4 Registered: 2/28/11
Re: anyone have a wedding with just immediate family...?
Posted: Feb 28, 2011 11:40 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I'm also considering the 'delayed reception.' My cousin eloped and did the same thing, and our family seemed fine with it. I am still on the hunt for possible restaurants...the date just keeps getting closer though. Thanks very much for your help though and suggestions! Did your friend who have the delayed reception get any negative feedback from family/friends?

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: anyone have a wedding with just immediate family...?
Posted: Feb 28, 2011 11:57 AM Go to message in response to: Almira

She really just did a delayed reception with family and I think they were all just happy they were married and it worked out great. She didn't want the whole reception thing and even with planning the 'family' dinner it got hectic so she was glad she hadn't done it all at once. (They had been engaged for several years, decided to get married when they went to New Orleans for a business trip and just extended it. Literally planned it in a WEEK. But I helped her find a photographer and we had time to throw her a mini shower/bachelorette party at the last minute and we all had a blast. So, no, overall I don't think that she had any negative reactions.)

 

 

 

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sweet_jade Posts : 19 Registered: 2/9/11
Re: anyone have a wedding with just immediate family...?
Posted: Mar 2, 2011 8:54 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Hi Almira,

I've never been to an "immediate family only" wedding, however, I do know someone who did this. He had only his parents, her parents, and siblings. That's it. It was held at a winery and it was very intimate. If you live near a winery, perhaps you could inquire about private functions?

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