Waiting for the Ring

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Can't Think of Anything Else!

Online Users: 1,220 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 24

WeddingInvitati... Posts : 22 Registered: 8/23/10
Can't Think of Anything Else!
Posted: Aug 23, 2010 11:03 PM

So I feel totally crazy that I'm even on this site because I'm not engaged yet but apparently I'm learning that many others are in the same boat!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years in November, he's 30 and I'm 23 (24 in November). He's been working full time since he got his Bachelor's at 22 and just recently bought a house. I graduated w/ my Bachelor's a little over a year ago and got a job right away and have been there since. We've been though so much together we're both settled (graduated college, bought cars, established credit, have great jobs) but not living together. My parents have strong beliefs that you don't live w/ someone unless you're married. He knows my parents beliefs so he hasn't asked me to move in (but he gave me a key) but says it's only bc of them but that if it was up to him I'd be living there now. Since he bought the house, we fix it up together, he had me pick all the colors, and I spend the weekends there - which is a huge tease to go home at the end of the weekend!

We discuss marriage often and he says he wants to marry me and doesn't see himself with anyone but me. He says to be patient and makes comments about us being engaged by the end of the year but I can't think of anything else! He has the money for ring, so I really am just waiting. I also don't want to get my hopes up and then have it not happen by the end of the year. It doesn't help that friends and family always ask us when we'll be getting married...everyone loves him and the families get together great. It's just a waiting game I guess...any advice to get my mind off it?

Did I mention I'm a wedding invitation designer who is constantly surrounded by weddings!? When will the ring come!?

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Can't Think of Anything Else!
Posted: Aug 24, 2010 9:18 AM Go to message in response to: WeddingInvitati...

Dear WI,

He says you'll be engaged by the end of the year, and that's in a little more than 4 months. If you have survived four years of college, you can survive four months of waiting.

So, how do you get your mind off it?

I'll tell you what I do when I get obsessed with something and it starts driving me crazy. I create a mental picture of that thing (the ring, in your case) being put in an envelope and then into a drawer. I know where it is, should I need it, but it's put away.

Every time you think of the ring, immediately imagine it going into an envelope then the envelope into a drawer. Put it away, mentally.

That might work for you, might not.

Also - decide for yourself what you will do if the end of the year comes and goes with no engagement. Will you give him another year to decide? Will you bail? He's 30; it's not like he has a heap o'maturation in store.

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WeddingInvitati... Posts : 22 Registered: 8/23/10
Re: Can't Think of Anything Else!
Posted: Aug 24, 2010 9:27 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

AuntoftheBride,
Thank you so much for that advice to "put the ring away." I'm going to try that and I do think it will work. I know I can wait these last 4 months but it's hard to not bring it up in conversation with him or to trust that it will actually happen. If it doesn't by the end of the year, I'm not sure what I'd do...i want to be with him forever but I can't wait forever either.

I also can't help but think of days in which I think he might do it.

Thanks for the advice!

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Can't Think of Anything Else!
Posted: Aug 24, 2010 11:48 AM Go to message in response to: WeddingInvitati...

Dear WI,

I do the same kind of mind game when I get a song stuck in my head. I try to form a mental image of turning off a radio and pulling the plug.

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wishingandhoping1 Posts : 9 Registered: 9/4/10
Re: Can't Think of Anything Else!
Posted: Sep 12, 2010 6:03 PM Go to message in response to: WeddingInvitati...

If you figure out how to get your mind off it let me know! Like she said though, you only have 3 months left now until the end of the year. Just try and think about all the other fun stuff you have to look forward to in the next three months and just make mental countdowns to those events. Time will fly I'm sure :)

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WeddingInvitati... Posts : 22 Registered: 8/23/10
Re: Can't Think of Anything Else!
Posted: Oct 18, 2010 10:32 PM Go to message in response to: WeddingInvitati...

Still waiting! I'm having the hardest time thinkin of other things besides the proposal! AHH sometimes I get so consumed with the idea of it all that I just can't let it leave my head! Hopefully soon!

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WellWisher Posts : 175 Registered: 1/2/10
Re: Can't Think of Anything Else!
Posted: Oct 18, 2010 10:46 PM Go to message in response to: WeddingInvitati...

Please be really careful with how much you are thinking about this. I can tell that you love this guy and you're really excited, but I have something to share with you.

I just got engaged two months ago. Prior to that, my fiance would drop hints about it happening "soon" and I was really excited, but then that excitement turned into impatience. I would continuously nag him about when was "soon!"

It turns out that he had an amazing proposal for me, and he carried through with it even though I had been a huge pain in the butt. But when he proposed, I couldn't say yes! I had felt so horrible about the way I had treated him that I couldn't imagine why he would want to be with someone so horrible!

He proposed again about two weeks later, on our anniversary, and then I felt that I could say yes. But now every time someone asks, "and how did he propose?" I wince a little.

Anywho, sorry to dump that out on you, but I highly suggest you do do whatever it takes to forget about the proposal. It will make it so much more wonderful when it really happens.

Edited by: WellWisher on Oct 18, 2010 10:47 PM

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WeddingInvitati... Posts : 22 Registered: 8/23/10
Re: Can't Think of Anything Else!
Posted: Oct 20, 2010 12:21 PM Go to message in response to: WeddingInvitati...

WellWisher-Thats really good advice. I have before said things but a while ago and kind of in passing. It consumes my mind but I try so hard to just start a conversation relating to something else before I start complaining about the waiting. I'm sorry that happen to you and I can totally see how bc it's easy to mention it especially when everyone is expecting it. Sounds like it all turned out well for you in the end. Congratulations on your engagement! I am going to try to NEVER even mention a word of marriage, living together, etc until he actually pops the question.

DoryDriver,
Thanks for the advice, you all have good points that I need to listen to. I do want him to do it on his own time so I'm really trying to find ways to occupy my mind with other things. Of course it's hard bc I'm a wedding invitation designer so I'm constantly hearing other people's stories and in the wedding environment. However, I want the proposal to be special and on his terms so thanks for making me realize that things could go terribly wrong if I start bringing it up all the time.

I'll keep you all posted!

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WeddingInvitati... Posts : 22 Registered: 8/23/10
Re: Can't Think of Anything Else!
Posted: Oct 20, 2010 12:23 PM Go to message in response to: WellWisher

I do want to add that I do think my excitement has turned into impatience but I'm holding that back from him. I talk openly about it with my sisters but not to him. I'm definitely at the "what the hell is he waiting for" stage, which in isn't good.

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wishingandhoping1 Posts : 9 Registered: 9/4/10
Re: Can't Think of Anything Else!
Posted: Oct 20, 2010 3:03 PM Go to message in response to: WeddingInvitati...

I know how you feel. I think my excitement has turned into impatience also. AHHH!

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PamperME1 Posts : 2 Registered: 10/21/10
Re: Can't Think of Anything Else!
Posted: Oct 21, 2010 4:11 PM Go to message in response to: wishingandhoping1

I can relate to you ladies on this topic. My boyfriend of 2 years & I bought a ring at the end of Sept. When it was done being sized, the store was going to call him. I've bugged him to no end asking if it was done, if he's picked it up, if he's figured out how to propose! We've been living together for a year now and have been open about spending forever together, so it's never been a question of if he'll propose or not. We both feel married already without actually being married. I just told him last night that I want him to do it when he wants, how he wants, and not to listen to me. I don't know what's worse: hoping the engagement comes soon or knowing it's going to because the ring is already good to go! It's just a matter of making it "official" for us though...haha, always on my mind & I can't wait. :)

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WeddingInvitati... Posts : 22 Registered: 8/23/10
Re: Can't Think of Anything Else!
Posted: Oct 22, 2010 9:47 AM Go to message in response to: PamperME1

at least we're all in the same boat. It's better to discuss it here than to bug our men about our impatience. We have to remember to enjoy the relationship were it is now and when the time is right it will come. You're only engaged once so we should embrace this time...as hard as it is! I'm not sure where my bf stands w/ the ring, he asked me the other day "In general, do you like round things, square things, or oval things" so I'm guessing he's at least looking. I'll be very disappointed if I don't have the ring by the end of the year. He keeps saying November will be a special month for us so I'm trying to stay patient and not mention it for another month!

Good luck everyone!

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HamzicBride Posts : 178 Registered: 12/28/09
Re: Can't Think of Anything Else!
Posted: Oct 22, 2010 2:58 PM Go to message in response to: WeddingInvitati...

That sounds so exciting! you sound really happy. You know, as other people have posted from their experiences, thinking about it, is going to make you wreck your own surprise. I also, am waiting for my proposal, but I am now at the point where I just don't try to figure things out. it's not worth wrecking the surprise, and if it happens to not happen when I MYSELF thing it should, Im going to be disappointed, and so would you.

You accomplished the hardest part, which was finding your knight in shining armor, now work on bettering yourself and making your relationship stronger, and everything will fall into place when its meant to.


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WeddingInvitati... Posts : 22 Registered: 8/23/10
Re: Can't Think of Anything Else!
Posted: Oct 25, 2010 3:13 PM Go to message in response to: HamzicBride

Well put, thats great advice. I have started to relax on the subject and trust that it will happen when it's meant to. We went to a friend's wedding this weekend and he kept saying "at our wedding..." so it's just a matter of time. I realize that I could have ruined my own surprise if I continued on the path I was going down so thanks everyone for the support! Good luck to all!

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PamperME1 Posts : 2 Registered: 10/21/10
Re: Can't Think of Anything Else!
Posted: Nov 3, 2010 12:54 PM Go to message in response to: WeddingInvitati...

My boyfriend (now fiance!) completely surprised me and caught me off guard when he proposed!! I, of course, continued to pester him because I'm impatient and he picked a moment when it was the last thing on my mind. It was perfect. :)

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