Need GF help. I am the only guy on this forum. Thats just funny.

Online Users: 1,258 guest(s), 1 user(s). Replies: 30

sassy411 Posts : 52 Registered: 8/16/10
Re: Need GF help. I am the only guy on this forum. Thats just funny.
Posted: Aug 17, 2010 1:53 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Why thank you, Pharmtox Girl.

I have the advantage of old age.

I've seen this behavior before.

Of course, I could be completely wrong.

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: Need GF help. I am the only guy on this forum. Thats just funny.
Posted: Aug 17, 2010 4:34 PM Go to message in response to: MrNiceGuy

And this is why I am so not a fan of going together to pick out a ring. Lots of people on this board will tell you that you don't need a ring to be engaged. SO knowing that you picked one out, you kinda ARE engaged. And I don't see a reason to act like you're not and tell her to calm down about the planning. Don't be a dream squasher. If she wants to get excited let her. But I think it would be extremely dick-ish to take her shopping and then tell her not to start planning...total mind-f**k

a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/">

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Need GF help. I am the only guy on this forum. Thats just funny.
Posted: Aug 17, 2010 4:43 PM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

See NJ - I personally think that planning is one thing and going out to visit multiple sites are another. But that's just me.

Honestly I was more on his side until he gave us more info.

And yeah, I'm not a fan of the shopping together thing - but that's me.

 

 

 

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Need GF help. I am the only guy on this forum. Thats just funny.
Posted: Aug 17, 2010 6:54 PM Go to message in response to: MrNiceGuy

you have a house. you have a kid. clearly, you guys do not do things in conventional order (ie: propose, then plan wedding).

See... CONVENTIONAL order would be:

Date
maybe move in
Get engaged
get married
have a kid

So clearly, conventional order sequencing is not something you adhere to.

The others are right... if you wanted this to be a big surprise, you should not have let her know you were ring shopping. And for her to know you were doing it sufficiently to get you to go to a family friend is a surprise fail on your part.

You know the ring is being designed and about how long that will take. So does she. Plan your big proposal accordingly

A delayed proposal after that really is a punishment to her. You want it to be a BIG surprise. She knows you have the ring. How is it a surprise? The when, yes, is the surprise.

You've already done all of the other things married couples do. And she's waited for YOU to recognize you were ready to get married. Now you want to ask her to wait even longer? Dude... get on your fricken knees already and ask this woman to marry you. Geesh!

Misty

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MrNiceGuy Posts : 6 Registered: 8/17/10
Re: Need GF help. I am the only guy on this forum. Thats just funny.
Posted: Aug 18, 2010 1:18 PM Go to message in response to: MrNiceGuy

HAHAHAHA, you ladies are SOOOOOO funny bashing on me.... So quick to judge and you don't know me at all. Unbelievable

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Beeble Posts : 306 Registered: 11/19/09
Re: Need GF help. I am the only guy on this forum. Thats just funny.
Posted: Aug 18, 2010 1:59 PM Go to message in response to: MrNiceGuy

... and u wonder why there are not many guys one here. lol

But seriously though, don't make her wait just for the sake of trying to surprise her. It will be torture to her. Just make a surprise date night and it will still be incredibly special.

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Need GF help. I am the only guy on this forum. Thats just funny.
Posted: Aug 18, 2010 6:34 PM Go to message in response to: Beeble

I have an instant bad taste for anyone who labels themselves "nice guy". After reading his posts, and excuses that followed, and rationalizing, and knowing he's been with her 6 or 7 years and that they already have a child...that initial instant bad taste has increased to, nope, no way is he. A "nice guy" that is.

The HAHAHAHA later post confirmed that all.

OP, you are aware this is a site of almost all women, most of whom have recently or are still planning their weddings? If you want to post what you're doing, and have people tell you you're right (and that's what it sounds like you want) you may want to rethink the venue and your audience.

 Proud Member of P.O.O.P.,  People Offended by Offended People

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Need GF help. I am the only guy on this forum. Thats just funny.
Posted: Aug 18, 2010 7:23 PM Go to message in response to: MrNiceGuy

well...we're basing our opinions off of what you chose to use to represent yourself...and that is also pretty telling.

What it sounds like to me is this:

You're willing to propose, but you don't want to get married any time soon.

She's pretty much said "marry me or I walk" and you don't want that, so you're willing to propose.

Looking at venues, however, is way too much of a commitment because that means you'll actually have to follow through.

Now, if I'm wrong (and for her sake I hope I am), and you've actually picked a date and it is only a few months away, then your dragging your heels for a "surprise" proposal is a pain in the planning butt! And it will only bite you in the butt later as she gets super stressed...because you don't seem the kind of guy who wants to help plan this event. You have no understanding of the effort that is involved.

You're behind if you only have three or four months...and depending on where she wants this shindig, you might be behind if you're looking at a year. Places book up fast.

So make your plans and figure out what you want to do, and then when you get that ring, do something special...take her to a place you love, a place you met...whatever. Ask her to marry her and have all of her friends jump out and say surprise. Or something. But do not delay any just so that 'she is not expecting it'. She already knows about the ring. You've already made an agreement that this is what you want, so you've technically made that decision together.

Misty

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Need GF help. I am the only guy on this forum. Thats just funny.
Posted: Aug 18, 2010 10:28 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

well...we're basing our opinions off of what you chose to use to represent yourself...and that is also pretty telling.

And that's exactly what I was thinking Cat. I couldn't have put it better myself.

 

 

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Need GF help. I am the only guy on this forum. Thats just funny.
Posted: Aug 18, 2010 11:34 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Dear PTG,

It's hard to reconcile "I'm so traditional" with "We already have a kid."

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MrNiceGuy Posts : 6 Registered: 8/17/10
Re: Need GF help. I am the only guy on this forum. Thats just funny.
Posted: Aug 19, 2010 10:14 AM Go to message in response to: MrNiceGuy

I am a nice guy. My girlfriends a bitch. Ask her to describe herself and she will say the same thing. "MrNiceGuy" was just something quick I thought off the top of my head in order to post on your forum. I've been around over 30 years and I know from experience and seeing other asshole guys, that I AM a nice guy, not your typical guy. I guess I should have had my display name as "ASSHOLE" like the typical guys your probably used to being with.

I walked into this relationship knowing that she has 2 sons from a previos marriage. Now ages 10 and 11, 1 of which is disabled. What other guy you know that would do that?
During the summer I have all 3 kids during the day till she gets home from work at 5. I cook, I clean, I take care of the kids.
They havent seen there real father in over 3 years! And here I am taking care of them like there my own.

So, she screwed "traditional" with having kids at 19 and her failed previous marriage. But why hate me cause I have this perfect picture in my head of the perfect proposal and wanting to see her face on that special day?

Yes I may be stupid, very indecisive, and imature at times. But I can't believe you making it sound like I am a monster!!! I would love to voice my opinion of you but am actually more mature then that.

Thanks all that are actually being supportive and giving constructive criticism.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Need GF help. I am the only guy on this forum. Thats just funny.
Posted: Aug 19, 2010 10:47 AM Go to message in response to: MrNiceGuy

Dear NG,

" But why hate me cause I have this perfect picture in my head of the perfect proposal and wanting to see her face on that special day?"

You have already been ring shopping. She's already checking out ceremony and reception venues. She's pissed at you because you don't want her to start planning.

You have "this perfect picture in my head of the perfect proposal and wanting to see her face on that special day".

Well, buddy, Reality Bites.

You want to see "Oh My Gosh! I'm so surprised. I'm so happy."

More likely: "Well, it's about time."

****

Go back through some of my messages in the Waiting section. Many young women come here with something like "We've been ring shopping. We've talked about marriage. We're living together. We've been a couple for X years. He still hasn't proposed. What should I do?"

Just so you won't take it personally, go and read what I have written to others in the exact same situation as your girlfriend. I tell these women to sit down with themselves, look at a calendar, and pick a logical date by which they expect to be engaged.

Could be the end of the school year. Could be the first of the next year. Could be Christmas. I don't care; the date is the lady's date to pick.

She picks that date, and keeps it in the privacy of her own mind. She promises herself that if Idiot Boyfriend hasn't made a move by that date, he never will and it's time to walk. She also forgets about any wedding talk, any ring shopping, any venue shopping. She just lives her life.

If he proposes, great, they get engaged and start planning the wedding. If he doesn't, and the private deadline date comes and goes, then the lady is well advised to pack up, move out and move on. Declare herself to be Single and go out into the world meeting marriage-minded men.

Again, this has nothing to do with you. This is the standard advice I would give anyone who is waiting, waiting, waiting for her boyfriend to get off his duff and propose. I do not know your girlfriend, but if she were to ask me for advice, that is what I would tell her.

Should she follow that advice, and should you continue to drag your feet, you could find yourself girlfriend-free.

One consequence is that your kid would be raised by some other man. Lovely.

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MrNiceGuy Posts : 6 Registered: 8/17/10
Re: Need GF help. I am the only guy on this forum. Thats just funny.
Posted: Aug 19, 2010 12:15 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Thanks. Good advise, and that is the truth. She has been waiting long enough. Thats why this is all in motion. Ring is on order, still waiting on it to come in....

Every time I wanted to get the ring on my own in the past, she keeps on spending all my money. But now we did this together, so now she understands that rings cost money and I can't just grow some of it...

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sassy411 Posts : 52 Registered: 8/16/10
Re: Need GF help. I am the only guy on this forum. Thats just funny.
Posted: Aug 19, 2010 1:21 PM Go to message in response to: MrNiceGuy

"I am a nice guy. My girlfriends a bitch."

Well,that didn't take long, did it?

Do you spend a lot of time at Dr. Irene's board?

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Need GF help. I am the only guy on this forum. Thats just funny.
Posted: Aug 19, 2010 1:28 PM Go to message in response to: MrNiceGuy

Dear NG,

" she keeps on spending all my money"

You call her a bitch and you say she's spending all your money.

Hmmm... there are all kinds of red flags waving in the breeze.

To show you there are no hard feelings, I'm going to pass on a suggestion. Mind you, I have been married a long time and work in the financial industry. I am also a moderator on a legal/financial website where we hear from people in money troubles.

My suggestion is to get a book called "Financially Ever After" by Jeff D Opdyke. Mr Opdyke is a personal finance journalist with the Wall Street Journal. In other words, he's not some bozo with a word processor.

The book discusses how an engaged couple should "open the kimono" to each other and examine each other's finances before getting married. He talks about budgets, saving for college and retirement, etc.

I suggest you get a copy of this book and read it. Then give it to your girlfriend to read, while you are waiting for the ring to be delivered. Then, sit and discuss finances like two intelligent adults.

After looking at bank statements, credit reports, 401(k) statements and budgets, I guarantee she will be totally surprised if you propose then and there.

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