Idk what to do...I'm not happy.

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klpeltie Posts : 7 Registered: 2/16/10
Idk what to do...I'm not happy.
Posted: Mar 27, 2010 11:24 AM

So I'm engaged and me and my fiance are both in college. We're both perfect for eachother but there are ppl that get in the way.

There is this girl that is the same year as him and they are in the Army ROTC together. She recently got in engaged too...to her bf of two weeks. Now she's been talking trash about me to my Maid of Honor and my Fiance. Like I've had issues with her before. But I went to room one night to congraduate her on her engagement n we were talking about wedding stuff....and I'm a really intense planner. The next day she tells my fiance that I'm crazy. and then mauks me about how I actually care about my wedding. Later that week my Maid of Honor had to go see it for herself, that this girl was actually engaged. They were talkin about it and stuff n erika mentions "yeah, I'm Kara's Maid of Honor" and the girl replies "Oh. Well, Good Luck with Bridezilla."

Recently, which is like a few weeks after she said these things, she was talking to my fiance in class about Her wedding. She was like "you tell care something that would make her mad" and my fiance was like "what?, why would you want to make her mad?" and she replied "because it would be funny. You should tell her that I reserved out reception hall for $200" and he was like "I don't think that will make her mad" and she was like "yes it will, do it" and he just kinda of changed the subject.

But big woop a $200 reservation fee...why would that make me mad? I have a pretty good package deal for mine.

Also his mom and her friends are disappointed in my fiance because he didn't ask my parent's permission and they're not 100% supportive of us. In my family we don't do that. No one in my family had their parents asked. I want to tellmy parents that I'm engaged, which I did the day of. But in my family we dicuss our decisions as a family. I've wanted to get engaged and discuss it with them as a couple. My mom feels that it's our relationship and it's none of her business. So when he asked if my parents needed to be asked I said no and I also don't like it when they are. That's something the couple needs to decide on. But he's currently working it out with her now.

Idk...I find myself more unhappy and sad then happy. I have idea what to do about this girl and my fiance wont say anything to her. what do I do?

---

Kara

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FutureMrsKlein Posts : 164 Registered: 5/2/09
Re: Idk what to do...I'm not happy.
Posted: Mar 27, 2010 1:46 PM Go to message in response to: klpeltie

Ignore the girl. Who cares. Not saying that engagements to short romances don't work....but just ignore her.

Your fiance should talk with your mom and have a conversation about him not asking her. Just to clear the air.

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JoelsPrettyPres... Posts : 41 Registered: 12/2/09
Re: Idk what to do...I'm not happy.
Posted: Mar 27, 2010 2:20 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsKlein

Trust me when I say: if you let all the people, like this girl, who say things about you or your wedding get to you your going to be a very unhappy bride-to-be.

There are always jealous woman out there and lets be honest sometimes they have no reason to be, some woman are just like that. Very sad but true. And of course there are always going to be women who are jealous of another getting married, weather it's because they aren't or some other reason. I just know they seem to be everywhere. Maybe this girl is being catty because she doesn't really feel deep down like her relationship is going to actually make it to marriage and yours is. Maybe she is insecure about her wedding and she feels she needs to one up you (only thing I could get out of telling you the reception hall was 200).

Girls find all kinds of reasons to dislike one another, I never understood that. (Maybe that's why I was always friends with boys.ha ha.) So I wouldnt take this girl to heart, sadly your probably going to hear something else nasty about you or your wedding from someone else at some point through this process. But you get way more congratulations and kudos than nastiness in the long run.

I say to hell with her! Ignore her and tell your fiance to ignore her too, love, care about and plan your wedding as much as you want, its your day and its important to you. Who cares whats going on in the mind of a girl who is obviously not friend or in my opinion even acquaintance material!


Daisypath Wedding tickers

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Idk what to do...I'm not happy.
Posted: Mar 27, 2010 3:35 PM Go to message in response to: klpeltie

Dear KL,

Just ignore the naysayers. Learning how to do that is part of growing up.

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myras Posts : 396 Registered: 2/26/10
Re: Idk what to do...I'm not happy.
Posted: Mar 27, 2010 4:39 PM Go to message in response to: klpeltie

I'm sorry, but this sounds like middle school stuff. If you're adult enough to get married, then you're adult enough to decide who your friends are (and are not), which of your various parents' expectations you should follow and which do not suit you, and how to deal with gossip and negative input. Some people are just strange. You do not have to take them seriously. In fact, you do not have to think about them at all. If your FH or others choose to talk to her and she talks trash,tell them that you absolutely do not want to hear about any part of it. And, by the way, if your FH allows her to say things that are destructive and/or provocative about you, then I question his loyalty in not shutting her down immediately.
myra@classysassyweddings.com

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BWFrancie Posts : 70 Registered: 11/11/09
Re: Idk what to do...I'm not happy.
Posted: Mar 27, 2010 7:54 PM Go to message in response to: klpeltie

I look at your picture and you are such a pretty young woman. Please don't let yourself get involved in unhealthy drama. It just makes you look bad. Just like Myra said, ignore it! Ignore it, and then ignore it again. Tell your fiance nicely that you absolutely do not want to hear what this girl says and you don't want to interact with her. If he continues to tell you things she says, then we are going to call him "Groomzilla". :)

Good luck!

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klpeltie Posts : 7 Registered: 2/16/10
Re: Idk what to do...I'm not happy.
Posted: Mar 29, 2010 1:53 AM Go to message in response to: BWFrancie

I told my fiance to stick up for me next time and he said he thought he was. He said he could do a better job next time. I want to knows these things though. It's more like I can't believe this girl has the audacity to talk bad about me to my maid of honor and fiance. I totally don't care if she says stuff like this about to her friends but not my maid of honor n fiance. I will confront her if it continues. It's not the comments that make me mad or hurt my feelings, it who she thinks she can speak them too.

---

Kara

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Idk what to do...I'm not happy.
Posted: Mar 29, 2010 10:07 AM Go to message in response to: klpeltie

About the girl, just ignore it. Who friggin' CARES whether some random girl that you don't even seem to like says stuff to your MOH and FH? It's not as if either of them is going to believe her over you. So who cares? I wouldn't confront her about it - this middle schoolesque crap isn't even worth your attention. Just ignore her completely. Why even associate with her? From what you've said, the only connection you have with her is that she happens to have classes with your FH. Doesn't sound like she's your friend, so just ignore her. If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to decide that this person is not your friend and to make the decision to ignore her without a dramatic confrontation.

I'm a little confused about your other issue, so let me make sure I've got it right.

1) Your FH's mom and her friends are upset that he didn't ask your parents permission before proposing.

Well, I don't see how the decision of whether or not to ask your parents permission affects his mom or her friends. It's not their business. But in any case, they'll let it go eventually. I would simply ignore their comments on it until they do, and your FH should do the same thing. It's none of their business, and they have no business being upset with him for it. Just ride it out until they decide to be adults about it.

2) Your parents are not 100% supportive of your engagement.

So your FH's mom thinks that he should have discussed it with them beforehand? Well, I agree with her to some extent. I don't think that he should have asked their permission (or talked to them at all without you present), but I think that the two of you need to work out these issues with your parents. Personally, I think you should have started working on that long before getting engaged, but since it's too late for that, definitely make it a priority before you get married. Your life together will be much happier if you each get along well with the other's family. Why don't your parents support the relationship?

3) You did not want him to ask your parents because you don't think it's their decision. When he asked you whether he should talk to your parents, you said no. Your mom agrees that it's not her business.

If all this is true, then I really don't see what the problem is. Just that your FH's mom thinks you should work out the 'parents not supporting the relationship' issue? If that's all it is, then I agree with her. But on the issue of the man asking the woman's parents permission, that's not his mother's business, nor is it anyone's business except yours.

I did not want DH to talk to my parents before proposing, either. In fact, I told him a couple years beforehand that if asked my parents before asking me, then my answer would be no. My parents understand my views on this and didn't expect him to ask. Their support of the relationship had nothing to do with my feelings on that, however - while my parents have always supported our relationship and would have said yes in a heartbeat, I simply feel that the tradition of asking the bride's parents's permission is sexist and dated.

But if you told him not to ask because you thought your parents would say no, then I understand your FMIL's objections and I agree with her that the issue needs to be addressed.

4) Yet your family usually discusses decisions as a family.

I totally don't get this. So is it normal in your family to discuss decisions together (including whether to get married) or is it normal not to discuss it beforehand? Your comments on this seem to contradict one another - please clarify!

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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BWFrancie Posts : 70 Registered: 11/11/09
Re: Idk what to do...I'm not happy.
Posted: Mar 29, 2010 10:53 AM Go to message in response to: klpeltie

Years of experience seeing these things play out are the reason I advised you to ignore the whole thing.. ignore her and not let her words have power over you. There are things that bother me a little. First, what is your FH's intention in even telling you every little thing she says? He should simply stop her and then forget it. By running to tell you, he is just stirring the pot. All it is doing is upsetting you. But it sounds like you want a fight. The mature thing to do would be just to ignore this person's comments. When you respond, all you are doing is reinforcing her bad behavior. She is trying to get you mad, and she is obviously successful.

You are a big girl and must make your own decisions. Good luck.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Idk what to do...I'm not happy.
Posted: Mar 29, 2010 11:17 AM Go to message in response to: klpeltie

Dear Kara,

" I want to knows these things though. It's more like I can't believe this girl has the audacity to talk bad about me to my maid of honor and fiance. I totally don't care if she says stuff like this about to her friends but not my maid of honor n fiance. I will confront her if it continues. "

I'm with Myra. This is totally out of middle school.

Why confront her? That just increases the drama. Ignore the whole thing.

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BWFrancie Posts : 70 Registered: 11/11/09
Re: Idk what to do...I'm not happy.
Posted: Mar 29, 2010 1:17 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Okay, so girlfriend you have several very experienced, wise women giving you good advice. Please consider it! :)

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: Idk what to do...I'm not happy.
Posted: Mar 29, 2010 1:28 PM Go to message in response to: klpeltie

You're getting married and acting like you are in middle school.
The best thing you can do is just get over it and forget about it.

If she is as crazy as you claim she is--your fiance and MOH aren't going to take her complaining about you seriously.

You now know what her personality is like. Just go with it from there.

As far as your whole family debacle is concerned--I'm a little confused. They are angry that he didn't ask permission--but also feel like it's none of their business? Contradictory, much?

If you want to further explain that, somebody might be able to give advice.
However, it sounds like you might potentially have that under control.

Good luck with everything.

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08divabride Posts : 831 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: Idk what to do...I'm not happy.
Posted: Mar 29, 2010 3:11 PM Go to message in response to: klpeltie

I'm sorry but this seems so childish to me. You are getting ready to be married with a husband, your own household, and a kid or two in the future. I would advise you to stop caring what other people may say or think. It really should not be important to you.

If you continue to let people's comments upset you and define your happiness, you will never be happy.

 Lilypie - (8e8A)

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alymar Posts : 100 Registered: 3/2/10
Re: Idk what to do...I'm not happy.
Posted: Apr 1, 2010 5:28 PM Go to message in response to: klpeltie

There are people in the world who just don't want anyone to be happy and are only happy when they are beating other people down.

As the others said - ignore her. If you confront her, you will just give her more power over you. She doesn't deserve your energy and time. She is making a happy time in your life miserable. What goes on with your wedding is none of her business.

Just walk away from her drama and focus on your life. She will continue to say things as long as she thinks she can get to you. If you don't show she is, her power is gone and your FH and MOH know the real you.

Be happy - no one has the right to take that away from you.

As for your family - agree with everyone else.
Friendship is a wonderful base for love...
When is my wedding
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Kimberly212 Posts : 972 Registered: 9/12/12
Re: Idk what to do...I'm not happy.
Posted: Sep 24, 2012 11:40 PM Go to message in response to: klpeltie

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