As a wedding guest I hate....

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 9:48 AM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

Food-wise, I'm pretty not picky. We didn't have a vegetarian entree, but we also somehow had no vegetarians at the wedding (and knew that before we picked our meals). If there's been one, we would have worked it out.

My personal pet peeve is the gap. One of the weddings I'm going to this year is at noon. The reception is at 6. It's in the same town I got married in, so I can tell you that there is NOT 5 hours worth of sightseeing to do. DH and I have NO idea what we're going to do for 5 hours. We figure even with lunch and reminiscing about our wedding, we'll still have about 3 hours, in July, in formal clothing to kill. Ugh.

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 12:24 PM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

Dear KB,

" We figure even with lunch and reminiscing about our wedding, we'll still have about 3 hours, in July, in formal clothing to kill. Ugh."

Yep.

Take a portable backgammon set and find a nice park or cozy corner of the hotel lobby.

(I agree with you.)

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kellyheartsjeff Posts : 66 Registered: 2/25/09
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 2:50 PM Go to message in response to: MrsS2010

I am actually afraid to tell all of you how big the gap is for my wedding... Go easy on me, I am a longtime lurker, few time poster and I very much respect all of your opinions... The ceremony is at 11am (I know, ridiculously early, but again - only time available at the church). And the cocktail hour starts at 5:30... And of course we are being even more difficult and the reception is in the suburbs and the ceremony is in the city. My mom and I are thinking that people can come to the ceremony dressed more casual and then relax at the hotel or sightsee, etc in between and change before the reception. It isn't possible to change the reception to an earlier time at this point.

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 3:03 PM Go to message in response to: kellyheartsjeff

Sometimes the gap is inevitable, like in your case. It's still going to probably annoy some people, but there's not much you can do. If I were you, I would put together a pamphlet of things to do in the area, maybe there's a shopping mall, or some sight-seeing places, or even if a friend or family member have them over for some afternoon snacks. Just make sure your guests will be entertained for those hours. I haven't been to a wedding with a huge gap like that, but it seems most of the complaints are because the guests have nothing to do during that time.


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kellyheartsjeff Posts : 66 Registered: 2/25/09
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 3:10 PM Go to message in response to: kellyheartsjeff

I should have mentioned that before, I have already started (haven't finished yet) pages on our wedding website that include suggestions of things to do during the gap. My mom also reserved one of the presidential suites (huge room with a huge terrace so a lot of people can fit) in the hotel where the reception is and will have refreshments for guests who would like to stop by before the reception starts.

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MrsS2010 Posts : 336 Registered: 5/25/09
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 3:22 PM Go to message in response to: kellyheartsjeff

That is really nice what your mom is doing. Also think of it this way - you will have your ceremony, your guests can go off to the city, maybe grab a light lunch so they dont get too cranky or hungry during the gap, and all that will take up time..theres much to do in chicago especially if you will be helpful in guiding them to points of interest. They are free to go to the hotel at any point knowing that they will be taken care of there. I think it seems like you're doing the best you can.

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 3:24 PM Go to message in response to: kellyheartsjeff

As one of the complainers, I won't tear you apart. I think my friend has about the same timing situation. If she's offering anything in between, we're totally unaware of it (but, obviously, it's not until July so there may be). Just make sure your guests know about it.

I also want to point out that even though it's a mjor pet peeve of mine, she'll never know. I'll complain about it here, DH and I will complain about it to each other, but we assuredly won't complain about it to her. And we're 1) still going to the wedding, 2) still getting her the same gift we otherwise would, etc.

So, don't worry too much - some people may complain behind your back, but they'll live.

 

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 4:19 PM Go to message in response to: karebeartg

I am just going to share the story of the worst wedding that I have ever been to which exemplies some of my biggest wedding pet peeves.

FHs cousin got married this past December. The ceremony was held at 2 PM the centre of Toronto (I live about an hour away--but with bad traffic it can take up to 3 hours to get into the core of the city. It took us about 2 hours.) There was not sufficient parking and we had to pay $10 at a nearby parking lot. The ceremony ended at about 2:45--and the reception started at 5.

The reception was in a city just outside of Toronto where FHs family lives. We started the drive back along with FHs brother and his girlfriend--with awful traffic we made it to the town with about 45 minutes left to the reception--what do we do with 45 minutes? We ended up going to FHs family home and watched a rerun of Scrubs.

We arrived at the reception and there was a vast buffet of h'or douerves. There was mini pepperoni pizzas, glazed chicken skewers, mini sliders, stuffed sausauges, chicken salad, smoked salmon, a shrimp ring--I am a vegetarian. I grabbed some nice sliced bread and a few slices of swiss. Not great--but at least there was something, right?

At about 7PM (a little long if you ask me) we were asked to be seated--it was time for speeches. It started with the father of the bride (FHs hilarious Uncle) who was then followed by the Best Man and the Maid of Honour. I always like listening to these speeches--they are usually interesting and either funny or sweet or a lovely combo of the two. Then they started pushing it a bit--the Bridesmaids did a combined speech, one of the groomsman (Grooms younger brother) did a speech. Then they went way over the line and people such as the Groom's Godmother and distant relatives that nobody at my table had ever heard of. You could even see confusion on the Father of the Bride's face. We were all becoming dillusional with hunger and boredom. I had eated another roll from the bread basket on the table and had to down a few drinks to keep the rumbling in my stomach quiet.

9PM finally rolled around and the first course was served--Pasta stuffed with veal and pork. Fantastic...I can't even eat it. There was a bowl of plain lettuce leaves with Italian dressing on the table and I munched like a rabbit on the iceberg lettuce--substantial...People at the table kept offering me their rolls--but I couldn't just eat rolls all night! Finally the main course was served. I don't know what this serving style is called--we started with empty plates and different servers would come around and add food to the plate. First potatoes came around--about 3 pieces of roasted potato and then a spoonful of steamed veg (the classic and cheap broccoli, carrot and cauliflower combo) and then the meat--teriyaki salmon or teriyaki chicken. When they got to me they asked which I wanted and politely said "Neither thank you, I am a vegetarian" in hopes but with serious doubt that there would be something extra for me in the kitchen. Of course--there wasn't. Others at the table kept offering me a piece of their potato or some of their veg and I kept declining their offers--I knew they were all starving too. FH ended up going to the kitchen and asking for some extra veg and potato. Dessert was fine--crepes with a wild berry sauce. I ate FHs too--his hunger was nowhere as severe as mine and he doesn't have my sweet tooth.

At about 10:30--Dessert was finally done and we were already to climb out of our chairs--but wait! A surprise! A performance by some of the members of a jazz band that the Groom is in! Followed by the Groom playing the bride a song on his acoustic guitar (she was so surprised--she cried like a baby...I cried too...of complete and utter boredom), followed by the Bride's niece playing Somewhere over the Rainbow.

The performances were cut short and the dancing begun around 11:30. But me, completely starving, exhausted from boredom and very cranky--wasn't extremely up to party--especially considering we had to wait for the Bride and Groom's first dance to be done. At that point--I didn't give an eff about the bride and groom.

I think we stayed until about 1:30 even though I didn't want to--I just wanted to leave. FHs siblings, their SOs, some other cousins, parents and some Uncles and Aunts (including the mother and father of the bride) all drove back to FHs place. When we got there the Father of the Groom ordered a bunch of pizza (including a vegetarian) and we all just sat around chatting. I felt so awful for the father of the bride--he apologized profusely.

It's still a big issue in the family--the parents of the bride haven't gotten over what happened--especially considering they were partial hosts of the wedding--they paid for half.

I never said a word to the immediate family in the wedding--even though FH, his siblings and his parents and I have all bitched about it among each other--and I have definitely ranted about it to some of my own friends and family.

Next wedding on FH's family's side is in August--his sisters. Let's see how that goes...

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 4:47 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

ICK that sounds plain awful!!! There is nothing worse than being bored hungry and tired from a long ass day all combined! Thats why I was a NAZI with my venue about serving times!

And it's true, you can't always avoid the gap. I know for places in my area, it is VERY hard to find a reception that doesn't start at 6pm. They just don't exist. So if you get married in a church, your ceremony is at 2 at the absolute latest. But the way we looked at it, the ceremony was about an hour, then the receiving line...people standing around chatting after...by the time they were ready to leave the church it was like 4. So thats almost 2 hrs of time killing. Which isn't the end of the world. My mom took my family back to my apt which was down the rd from the church. And MIL went back to the hotel w/ her family and they partied in the rooms, picked up the shuttle and headed to the reception.

I personally am not a fan of the "immediately following" receptions. Prbably b/c I am not used to them, but I always feel rushed. And the ceremony almost ALWAYS goes over. And if I were the bride, that would piss me off

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 6:13 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

Dear BTS,.

So, by my calcs, you were stuck in your chair from 7 pm to just after 11:30? Speeches, dinner, performances, first dance.

That's 4 1/2 hours in a chair. Wow.

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delmarplatinumb... Posts : 33 Registered: 5/29/09
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 6:18 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

Cat there really is no need to be name calling. Im simply stating my opinion as the post asks for. And yes my opinion is sandwiches is a lunchtime food. I do understand people have budget constraints and they have to make do within their budget. However, you have to understand that in general sandwiches are regarded as lunchtime fair.

I know you say its common where you are for people to serve finger foods at a dinner time reception, but where I am from it is not. I dont really care if you serve it or not, but I think if it is around dinner time, as a courtesy one should announce if they are only serving cold foods at prime dinner time. Just as if there is only hors d'oeuvres or just desserts receptions, people should be made aware of it before hand. There are plenty of hot hors d'oeuvres that are huge and filling, but it still is a courtesy to announce that you will not be having a traditional dinner meal at a dinner time reception.

Im not asking that every wedding needs to be a Four Season 4-5 course meal. One should always have the wedding they can afford. However that is why many that have budget constraints have lunch time receptions. People expect less food, less to no booze and shorter reception times. You can still do everything a dinner time reception, with dancing, cake cutting etc. I went to a backyard wedding once where they had all the food homemade and it was one of the best ever.




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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 6:46 PM Go to message in response to: delmarplatinumb...

I'm sorry... did I call you a name? No, I don't think that I did. But your post was the last straw. So I responded to it. However, I didn't call you a name. So perhaps you ought to think again before you accuse me of calling names.

I've seen many places where people say that the sandwiches are for lunchtime receptions and if you're going to serve sandwiches, then you should have an afternoon wedding. And once again you comment that it should be an afternoon wedding. We could not have DONE an afternoon wedding becuase we were so busy getting the place ready. We didn't have the time to do it then. See...we couldn't afford a whole cadre of staff to set up.

People need to get over their snooty impression that sandwich = lunch reception. And that is what it is... a snooty impression. You got substantial food. Maybe not elegant or hoity toity, but you got a full meal and you didn't leave hungry.

Deal

And yes, this thread is about wedding hates...but if the bride and groom took care to take care of their guests and treat them with courtesy, then they really have no right to complain about anything.

Misty

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 7:30 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

I eat sandwiches for dinner all the time. It never occured to me that they were for lunch only. I also eat pancakes and eggs for dinner. Every now and again I eat pizza for breakfast. There is no rule saying anything is exclusive to any meal.

Like someone else said I have been to weddings where they had all kinds of fancy food, it looked very pretty on the plate but it was not enough food to feed a small child. I first gave my husband most of my food because he is a big guy and he didn't eat breakfast or lunch and I had eaten a small meal. We left early so we could go to a diner to get a meal.

For me the reception is a party to celebrate the union of two people that I care about. I am not going to make an issue if they serve me sandwiches at 4, 6 or 8 pm. If it is enough food I will be happy. Unless they send me a menu card to pick my own meal I have no idea what is going to be served until I get it anyway.

 

 

 

Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

Proud Member of P.O.O.P,  People Offended by Offended People

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delmarplatinumb... Posts : 33 Registered: 5/29/09
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 9:07 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

Yes, you can eat any food at any time. Many eat breakfast foods for dinner, and many eat sandwiches for dinner as well. However, being as I am invited to an event, certain protocol comes into play.

If I am invited to an afternoon event, Im thinking light foods, finger sandwiches, very little if at all any alcohol.

If I am invited to an evening event around dinner time(6pm-8pm) Im thinking that a dinner hot meal is going to be served. Now you do not have to serve a full meal, but it is nice when as a guest I am notified if I am not. For instance I have been to too many weddings where they only had hors d'oeuvres. It would have been nice for them to notify me that a meal was not going to be served. Some had enough food for a meal fullness, some did not.
Also many people when they are invited to an evening wedding, some save their appetite for the event, so you may end up with some starving guests.

Like I said, you serve what you can and please stop being so defensive about it. But I dont think calling it snooty or hoity toity behavior is positive either. This is a forum and people were asking for opinions. I stated mine.

But like I also said, it is not the norm where I am from or within my own circle. I dont think this makes me snooty.

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: As a wedding guest I hate....
Posted: Feb 9, 2010 9:22 PM Go to message in response to: delmarplatinumb...

I would have much prefered to attend Cat's wedding than the wedding I described in my last post (where as Aunt calculated, we sat in our chairs for about 4 1/2 hours for a 1 hr dinner and about 3 1/2 hours worth of speeches and performances.) It was a "higher end" wedding with lots of food--but as a vegetarian, I think I would have gotten a better deal at Cat's wedding where I would at least have gotten some good veggies off the veggie tray.

Besides--I love sandwiches all day everyday!

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