As a wedding guest I hate.... : Wedding Planning %26 Etiquette : Forums : Brides

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As a wedding guest I hate....

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WoostaBride Posts : 220 Registered: 6/8/09

Re: As a wedding guest I hate....: Posted: Feb 6, 2010 11:22 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl; Pharm,

For what is going towards this wedding, there is no doubt that they can pull together 2 vegetarian meals....but it's the setup of everyone else that made me question it. I don't want to make them the odd ones' out, but I'm honestly not going to stress over it. The reason I mentioned that they are a "+1" is because we are having a small-ish wedding (for my family size anyway), and they are VERY new (and maybe not lasting) girlfriends to my cousin and my FH's friend. I have to cut individuals out because of certain +1's that I feel obligated to invite (again, no engagements, living together etc.) Point is...you can think I'm being a bitch, but I am not going to unnecessarily over-stress on two people's vegetarian preferences, who I barely even know, on my wedding day. Case closed. There is no way to make everyone 100% happy, and I know that 99% of my wedding guests will be thrilled with the choice of food. Ehhh, I just have no sympathy for vegetarians...that may have something to do with it too ... :) sorry.

rhode_island , august_2010

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07

Re: As a wedding guest I hate....: Posted: Feb 6, 2010 11:44 PM Go to message in response to: WoostaBride; Well I wouldn't worry about the vegetarian option being one option vs the serving stations of the seafood as long as the option is a pasta dish or - man my friends had this FABULOUS stuffed portabello mushroom, I'm not vegetarian but I chose it.

Should worry unnecessarily - no. All you need to do is tell your caterer you have 2 people who are vegatarian, so you'll need two veggie plates.

I was in a weird position because my cousin doesn't eat anything with steroids,etc. There was no way I could guarantee that. But he called me and just let me know he was going to bring his own food.

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BirdLover Posts : 2,835 Registered: 3/30/06

Re: As a wedding guest I hate....: Posted: Feb 7, 2010 12:37 AM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl; No sympathy for vegetarians. Wow. I don't think they are asking for your sympathy, just some respect.

Actually, Woosta, the main part of your post that struck out at me is that you are pretty much saying that the reason you don't want to worry about the vegetarian dishes is because these guests are basically not important enough to you. If they are not important enough to worry about feeding, they shouldn't have been invited. I don't think you need some big, fancy-schmancy dish for them (a pasta dish option is great) but it kind of seems like you just don't care about them. Which isn't cool.

I'd like to comment on the "extra" examples another poster added:

11. Bouquet tosses - depends on the situation. I had one, and about 8 females were involved. No one was dragged onto the floor. I made it clear ahead of time that I would not tolerate that, lol. Garters - not a fan of them, but some are a lot less raunchy than others. Those ones I can handle.

12. No seating chart at a sit-down reception - I could see how that might be a problem

13. Bad cake - You know, most people I know don't even end up eating the cake. But I agree - try to pick one that tastes good. (I also think it's odd to have really non-traditional cake flavours, but that might just be me. Something like mango-raspberry truffle would confuse the heck out of my taste buds, lol.)

14. Music so loud you have to shout to have a conversation with the person seated next to you. - I HATE that!

15. Dollar dance. - I don't even understand the point of these. Why can't people just dance with the couple without paying?

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BirdLover Posts : 2,835 Registered: 3/30/06

Re: As a wedding guest I hate....: Posted: Feb 7, 2010 12:41 AM Go to message in response to: BirdLover; Pharm - no steroids...that would be difficult to work around - would the caterer even know what foods contained steroids and which didn't?

I had to work around:

Vegans
Vegetarians
Someone severely allergic to chicken (my main dish)
A few guests with Celiac disease, who needed gluten-free meals.
Diabetics.

My hall was AWESOME. I think that they actually went above and beyond what I would normally expect. Because they didn't just make extra main dishes, they made different salads, soups, side dishes, and desserts to accomodate everyone! So easy, and so low-stress for me!

(P.S. On my reply cards, I put a line for "dietary restrictions". That is why I knew of so many food issues. However, someone replied with some foods labeled "we don't like these foods". In your opinion, was this appropriate? Do you think "dislikes" are the same as "restrictions")

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07

Re: As a wedding guest I hate....: Posted: Feb 7, 2010 9:38 AM Go to message in response to: BirdLover; Pharm - no steroids...that would be difficult to work around - would
the caterer even know what foods contained steroids and which didn't?

That's what I would have been concerned about as well - and in his case once he cut out foods with steroids he stopped feeling ill.

So I would have been EXTREMELY worried about something not being OK for him. He didn't even ask - he just included a note on his RSVP that said he would bring his own food.

And NO, I do NOT think that including DISLIKES is the came as dietary restrictions. I would have just ignored it.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,357 Registered: 4/2/06

Re: As a wedding guest I hate....: Posted: Feb 7, 2010 11:48 AM Go to message in response to: headoverheels8; Dear HOH,

"I honestly have no problem with a cash bar. Alcohol cost SO much and some people really like to drink so if they want it, they can pay for it. Also cuts back on the stupid drunken people ruining the night. My reception will have Sangria and thats all. Thats what I can afford, if you want more go to bar later. "

What you are doing is fine.

You are providing (ie paying for) the food and drink in the reception location. (I assume that when you say "Sangria and that's all" you meant to include soft drinks. Surely there's also water or iced tea.)

If someone really wants to get tanked, they can LEAVE YOUR LOCALE and go somewhere else where they can buy their own alcohol. Perfectly OK, in my opinion. You aren't barring the door trapping your guests in the room. They can come and go as they please.

What many people find objectionable is when a bar is set up in the same room as the reception, as part of the reception, but is selling drinks for cash. I think that is wrong. If the bar is part of the reception, it should be funded by the party hosts, not the party guests.

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BirdLover Posts : 2,835 Registered: 3/30/06

Re: As a wedding guest I hate....: Posted: Feb 7, 2010 12:14 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride; Pharm - luckily their " do not like" list was stuff that we weren't serving - mostly seafood.

Aunt, I agree with you about the bar. I also do not think tha having a cash bar will prevent anyone who normally overdrinks from getting drunk. It would be nice if that were true, but unfortunately it doesn't seem to be the case.

Really tacky - the wedding I went to where EVERY drink - including pop and WATER - was cash bar. I don't carry cash on me, so other people had to buy my freaking WATER. And not a bottle of water, a CUP of water!

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AmyJustin2010 Posts : 201 Registered: 1/18/10

Re: As a wedding guest I hate....: Posted: Feb 7, 2010 12:31 PM Go to message in response to: WoostaBride; Woosta:

You are hosting a wedding reception, a party in celebration of your marriage and to thank those guests who witnessed your vows, correct? Then you need to make everyone feel comfortable. This silly "MY DAY" crap really gets on my nerves. You're hosting a party, and therefore it's your responsibility to ensure that each guest feels comfortable and welcome. If I was invited to your wedding, I'd call and ask about a vegetarian entree. If you expressed this attitude towards me I'd reply with a big "hell-no," wouldn't send you a card, and would keep the gift money and do something fun with it.

As for the other question, I will honor personal beliefs, allergies, and health-related restrictions, but not picky eaters. I draw the line at picky eaters. We're offering appetizers, bread, salad, then three main course choices plus a kids option, then wedding cake. That should be enough for anyone to find something they like.
AmyJustin2010.Weebly.Com

Amy & Justin--Buffalo Sabres Fanatics :)

upstate_hudson_valley , june_2010 , rhode_island , august_2010

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BirdLover Posts : 2,835 Registered: 3/30/06

Re: As a wedding guest I hate....: Posted: Feb 7, 2010 12:47 PM Go to message in response to: AmyJustin2010; Amy - I am a very picky eater . Not on purpose, just a lot of stuff seems to make me gag. (like carrots - good lord, can't stand carrots). But I don't think it's a health issue, more of a psychological one. For example, I can't stand any meat-related product with sweet stuff.

I do not expect anyone to cater around my pickiness . When I go somewhere, I eat what I can. If I have to spoon off a sauce, I do it without complaint. That is what I was taught is polite.

The time it bothered me is when I was pregnant and throwing up 10 times a day. It bothered me that my MIL got really mad that I wouldn't eat her currie, even though my husband had already told her that currie made me ill and that I was happy to eat leftover lasagna. I do not expect people to cater to my pickiness, but I also expect them to be reasonable and not try to make me eat stuff that makes me throw up!

Anyway, the point is, I understand picky eating but I still found it strange to see it on my wedding reply card. But I guess I did ask about restrictions!

I am not a vegetarian, but I don't eat any mammal meat. I usually request vegetarian dishes at weddings, though, when they are offered, because sometimes they taste so darned good!

upstate_hudson_valley , june_2010 , rhode_island , august_2010

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,462 Registered: 8/30/07

Re: As a wedding guest I hate....: Posted: Feb 7, 2010 12:56 PM Go to message in response to: AmyJustin2010; Actually, if you read Woosta's reply to me, she is not not going to offer them a vegetarian dish BUT it won't be a vegatarian buffet like the rest of the food - I get that. Which is why I said a caterer will do that - at least any that I've ever worked with would do that.

Any allergy or food restriction should be honored - but truthfully, unless I had gotten the food for my cousin from an organic place myself and cooked it myself, I wouldn't be comfortable stating any food provided was steroid free. Heck, I don't even necessarily believe that all of the organic stuff is completely legit, so I have issues with that anyways.

My GF who was a BM HATES mushrooms. If they are diced enough so that she doesn't get the texture she's fine. And she knows it's completely a mental thing. We had talked about having chicken marsala on the buffet at my wedding - and she jokingly said NO i don't like mushrooms. Now, I know her - totally wasn't offending as I knew she was joking. Honeslty, she would have picked the mushrooms out if we had had it - not that there wasn't prime rib and salmon. But we went with another chicken dish that was delish and honestly stood up better in a buffet.

But if someone else had said 'I don't like mushrooms you cna't have them' I'd tell them to shut up.

But I knew she was messing around. I almost always have a dish with mushrooms in it when entertaining friends. She always harasses me about it - jokingly. There's always PLENTY of food - it's not like she'll go hungry.

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BirdLover Posts : 2,835 Registered: 3/30/06

Re: As a wedding guest I hate....: Posted: Feb 7, 2010 1:15 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl; Oh, you definitely don't need a vegetarian buffet. It was her attitude that really put me off, that the vegetarians weren't really important enough to worry about, but maybe she was just having a bad day?

I went to a wedding that I found a bit strange. With the expectinon of ONE of the salads, EVERYTHING had meat in it (it was a buffet). Even the penne pasta had meat added to it, as well as the potatoes.

The main reason I found it odd was that the bride's two best friends (including the maid of honour) and several of her other friends are vegetarian. I often wonder if maybe the caterer mucked up the order, because I couldn't imagine her leaving her close friends with only buns and one salad to eat.

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BirdLover Posts : 2,835 Registered: 3/30/06

Re: As a wedding guest I hate....: Posted: Feb 7, 2010 1:16 PM Go to message in response to: BirdLover; The texure of mushrooms creep me out too, lol. But only when they are whole.

Strangely, escargots doesn't bother me...

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AmyJustin2010 Posts : 201 Registered: 1/18/10

Re: As a wedding guest I hate....: Posted: Feb 7, 2010 1:28 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl; Oh I took it to mean that she was going to try to have an entree, but if the caterer couldn't do it then it would just be tough.
AmyJustin2010.Weebly.Com

Amy & Justin--Buffalo Sabres Fanatics :)

upstate_hudson_valley , june_2010

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CatStandish Posts : 2,767 Registered: 6/20/08

Re: As a wedding guest I hate....: Posted: Feb 7, 2010 1:54 PM Go to message in response to: AmyJustin2010; I am the worlds pickiest eater. Well, maybe not, but I'm pretty picky.

I will eat RAW green peppers, but if they are cooked, I won't even touch the item that has it.
I hate onions
Carrots are the root of all evil (get it...they are a root. HA! sorry)
Mayonaisse is uber icky
Ketchup has one function in life, and that is for fries. Only fries. Any other use is forbidden
I do not like Moraccan food
Veggies must be steamed, not boiled.
I do not like peaches
Apples must be sliced.
Oranges are fine, but not orange juice
I do not like coconut
Red Velvet Cake Is Wrong
Spanish rice is touchy

I could go on, but you get the idea.

But I would not ask a host to accomodate my pickiness.

Vegetarianism, I'll cater to. Vegans, I respect but do not understand, so I will try to accomodate. Gluten intolerance... wow, I feel for ya! And I have no idea where all it hides. Diabetes -- there are levels.

My menu was one that fit for us.

I had a meat tray, for the carnivores. ANd I also had chicken finger tray.
Then I had a cheese tray. This way the vegetarians didn't have to have cheese that had been contaminated
I had a veggie tray (yes, that was my fare for the vegans)...but it was separate from the cheese tray, so that the veggies would not come into contact with the cheese (milk)
I intended to have a fruit tray, but the only lone offered was grapes and cheese, and I was not into that--so I cut it.
I had rolls
We had mustard, ketchup, and mayo

Basically, it was an assemble your own sandwich buffet.

But the gluten was a bit something. The meat can go either way, but the cheese and veggies could be eating.

I also bought my gluten intolerant guest a desert (gluten free cookies)

When my mom told my aunt what we were serving, my aunt was very excited because what we were serving was perfect for the cardiac diet that her doctor had her on.

I had a diabetic small cake in addition to the wedding cake.

No, my food was not elegant...but you know what? Every guest had something that they would meet their diet.
Misty

upstate_hudson_valley , june_2010 , september_2009

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April2010Bride Posts : 134 Registered: 4/26/09

Re: As a wedding guest I hate....: Posted: Feb 7, 2010 2:03 PM Go to message in response to: headoverheels8; You know, a cash bar isn't nearly as big of a deal in the south. I've only been to a handful of weddings with an open bar, and people are never surprised to have to pay for their own alcohol. I don't think someone else should be responsible for what I'd like to drink beyond water, tea, soda, etc.

I'm not serving any alcohol at my wedding, as the reception is in the church's fellowship hall; however, that night, a big group of our friends are meeting the wedding party downtown for some fun. We'll probably hop around to a few bars, but I'm not footing the bill for anyone. I'm simply inviting friends to join us for a good time, and recommending some nearby hotels/cab companies.

april_2010