Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!

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labellavitaxo Posts : 1 Registered: 12/27/09
Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 27, 2009 5:42 PM

My fiance and I got engaged on Novemeber 11th on my birthday ( what a nice birthday surprise) =) anyway we have been dating for 5 years.My brother asked his girlfriend to marry him on christmas and they have only been dating for about 6 months. My question is what is the proper etiquette on who gets married first? Are there any rules? Maybe its just me but I feel like our plans may be overshadowed now. I would never say that to them because I am very happy for them! But what do I do in this situation!?

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 27, 2009 6:35 PM Go to message in response to: labellavitaxo

Ok this has come up on here before. There is NO etiquette about who gets married when.

If you want a certain date, I would make arrangments and make the announcement as soon as possible. Ideally, the weddings will be timed enough apart for out of town guests to come to both.

Now as far as overshadowing, not to be rude, but you get one day. Not a month or a year.

Honestly, I suggest discussing with your FH what your wedding plans are. If you are close to your brother I suggest calling him to ask what plans they may be thinking of. It would behoove you both to make it easier on your OOT family.

 

 

 

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FrancieElaine Posts : 654 Registered: 6/26/09
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 27, 2009 7:28 PM Go to message in response to: labellavitaxo

I don't think there is much you can do. If you have a very close/healthy relationship with your brother I suppose you could speak with him and voice any concerns you may have. As Pharm girl said, it does indeed put more demands on the family. However, I read an article a couple of years ago about four sisters who all got married in the same year! Think about that family! And they were all cool with it. So, maybe it isn't such a big deal. I will be interested to see what the other ladies on this forum say!

Francie Elaine, The Bride Whisperer

www.bride-whisperer.com

http://twitter.com/BrideWhispering

http://bridewhisperer.blogspot.com  

 

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theFutureMrsCol... Posts : 7 Registered: 2/24/08
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 27, 2009 9:57 PM Go to message in response to: labellavitaxo

that sux. i kind of know how you feel, my cousin got engaged two weeks after me and then my fiance's cousin got engaged 2 weeks after that! its ok to be dissapointed even though you are happy for your brother. you seem like a great sister to not be totally pissed!

the fact that you have been with ur fiance for 5 years makes your engagement seem more special anyways. i dont think that their engagement or wedding will overshadow your own, i think your fam and friends will make sure you get your time to be in the spotlight!

i do suggest that you set ur date asap. i think it would be rude at that point for them to plan their wedding before yours. i know i would be mad!

i think its weird that someone is pointing out that you are only a bride for one day, yet post on a wedding website over a year after her wedding? i dont get it! I think its ok for u to be upset

good luck with everything, congrats on getting engaged!!

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 11:30 AM Go to message in response to: theFutureMrsCol...

FutureMrsCollins,
So should her brother put his life on hold while he waits for his sister to get married? She really has no reason to be pist off. If anything, now she has someone to celebrate her happines with! And since when does time= a more special engagement? If I knew 2 people who were engaged and one thought that there's was more special, I would purposely act as if there engagement was nothing at all.

If she sets her date first, that's great, but should the brother and his fiance really wait until after she gets married? I know a few people who got engaged after me, and have already, or will be getting married before me. Does it bother me? No. But maybe that's because I'm not a selfish little brat, and I'm secure with myself and my relationship and know we are getting married when the time is right for us. If some people feel the time for them is before me and my FH's time, that's great. That means when I attend all of these other weddings I can still be looking forward to mine! That also means I can see things that people do that I do and don't like and decide if it's something I want to do at my wedding. Who really cares if someone gets engaged after you, yet gets married before you. You can't expect everyone else to revolve there lives around your timeline.


As for Pharm, just because she is a member of these boards doesn't mean she's going around acting like she's still a bride (which just from this post is something I can see you doing atleast for a few years after your day "no you can't get married, this was MY decade to get married!!!"



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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 12:05 PM Go to message in response to: theFutureMrsCol...


i think its weird that someone is pointing out that you are only a
bride for one day, yet post on a wedding website over a year after her
wedding? i dont get it!

So since I've been married and gone through the whole process, I might not have any valuable information to impart. So are you going to be policing the forums now? I usually hang out on the prego/just thinking thread - I'm sure all the ladies there would be interested to know that they shouldn't post on here. Or the ladies who broke their engagements or had their engagements broken - oh wait or the one lady who came on and discussed her abusive relationship and we helped her find other options and she GOT OUT. I'll be sure to let her know that you don't think she should be posting here.

OP - Being upset is one thing. You feel what you feel. Acting upon it is another. As AOTB (apparently another lady who shouldn't be on here) says, there's a public and private expression. Privately you feel a little upset, publicly you don't express it. It's non-productive.

Good luck and I wish you the best. These forums are a great way to get a lot of info - and getting advice from ladies who have GONE through it was incredibly helpful to me. I hope you find it that way too.

 

 

 

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Jade1107 Posts : 205 Registered: 9/1/07
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 12:05 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsDJLeo

You know what - I'd be upset if this happened to me too. I know all about the "you only get one day" balh blah, but honestly, if I had waited five years to get married, I would indeed like the attention on me. Maybe this is totally selfish, but honestly, I'm ok with that.

I have two brothers, both of whom are younger than me and both of whom have been dating their gf's for a little while. Regardless of how long they've been dating, I'm the eldest and I would STILL be upset if they got engaged before me (assuming I'd been with my guy long enough to want to get married as well). Of course I'd also be happy for them - but I know how I am, and I'd be privately upset too.

Now, that being said - what's done is done. As much as you or I would feel somewhat upset (and happy of course), there's nothing you can do about it now. So, I'd suggest what other ladies have suggested - just talk to your brother. See what their plans are. For all you know, they may want a really long engagement! This could work out for you so that your family members can attend both weddings.

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SpideyBridey Posts : 66 Registered: 5/17/09
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 12:37 PM Go to message in response to: labellavitaxo

Just let it go - you do sound quite selfish and childish. On your wedding day, no one can overshadow you. As long as your brother isn't getting married a week before or after you, it doesn't matter. I would keep your feelings to yourself and be happy for them.

Daisypath Wedding tickers

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dickerson2be Posts : 19 Registered: 12/8/09
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 6:49 PM Go to message in response to: labellavitaxo

Ok I think you are getting ahead of yourself. First off, I would call your brother's fiance to congratulate her. After all, I am sure she is really excited too. I think the most important thing would be to keep the lines of communication open with her so that neither of you end up feeling like one is overshadowing the other. You each deserve "your day." You never know though, they could be wanting a longer engagement since they have not been together for very long. Just talk to your brother's fiance and see what she has in mind before you jump to conclusions. I would go ahead and set your date with your FH. Maybe also voice your concerns to your parents, and maybe they could bring the subject up to your brother for him to take into consideration.

Lindsey

The future Mrs. Dickerson

 

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DNAmindy Posts : 47 Registered: 7/24/09
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 7:01 PM Go to message in response to: labellavitaxo

I think you should feel what you feel for a while, because lets face it - we can't always help how we feel about things even if its not the "right" thing to feel, you know? But look on the bright side - you have someone who is going to be a member of your family soon, who you now have a chance to bond with by talking about your weddings! Not all of your friends will want to talk about your wedding as much as you want to, so maybe you can bond with your brother's fiance by talking about and sharing your wedding plans and ideas. This way too, you can make sure she's not doing the same thing as you.

Plus, keep in mind she might have the exact same worries as you do...like your wedding will overshadow hers, etc.

Everything will be fine! Your wedding will be fabulous, so don't worry too much :-)

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LilTuffGirl Posts : 301 Registered: 11/4/08
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 7:08 PM Go to message in response to: dickerson2be

I'm sorry but I have to ask this general question because I really don't understand.

Why is all of this like a life stopping moment for some women? Why do you throw fits over the small things? Are you REALLY expecting EVERYTHING to be perfect and a story tale wedding?? I hate to break it to you but things WILL go wrong. What happens on that day doesn't matter as long as you're marrying the man you will spend the rest of your life with.

I had A LOT go wrong on my wedding day and I had crappy things to deal with. But you know what? I laughed all the way down the isle as my dad was holding me up helping me walk since it rained RIGHT before the wedding and my heals were sinking into the grass. Man I could write a long list of things that went "wrong" but it really doesn't matter. I'm now married to my best friend and am happy.

Stop stressing over the little things!!! You wont WANT to always be the attention up until the date (at least I hope not) Most of us give it a few months then just want it over with!!

It'll be ok... they will all be looking at YOU when you go down that isle and congradulating you and your new husband when it happens. Regardless of what happens any other day.. that day they will look at you.

http://www.ezticker.com/ticker/1642/214/20090829/our+wedding/ticker.png

True love never lives happily ever after - true love has no ending

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SoontobeMrsGlover Posts : 79 Registered: 9/14/09
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 8:01 PM Go to message in response to: LilTuffGirl

I can somewhat understand why you're feeling what you're feeling. As many other posters have already said, you feel what you feel and you can't help it. I just want throw this out to you for your own sanity, I'm only 5 months into my wedding and have dealt with some real stress of all this planning... so if you're starting off being pissed off about such a non-issue then you're going to have a very very very long road ahead of you in your planning process, not to mention the wedding day.

I know its not easy to change the way you feel but try to focus on the positive and save your energy for the really important things.

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StaryNight Posts : 3 Registered: 11/23/09
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 28, 2009 11:24 PM Go to message in response to: labellavitaxo

I can' believe it, but I am in the same boat as you! My boyfriend also asked me to marry him on November 11 and then my brother asked his girlfriend christmas eve. I know exactly how you feel, like your being over shadowed. I also know that yes it may be selfish to feel that way and i should be happy for him, but there are a couple of other factors that play into the mix of me not being really happy, like how he used his college loan money to buy her a ring and she is still in high school and extremely immature. Also I know my brother, and I am about 99% sure that he didn't have his proposal planned because he never plans anything and just does what ever he wants, when ever he wants, so how am I not supposed to feel some what offended that so shortly after I get engaged he 'decides' to propose to his girlfreind... I am glad that I'm not the only one dealing with a little bit of family drama and hey sometimes it just feels good to vent. Good luck with working everything out!

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Will825 Posts : 9 Registered: 9/28/09
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 1:44 AM Go to message in response to: labellavitaxo

.

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 8:07 AM Go to message in response to: Will825

Yeah Idealwedding, because that's what the OP was asking... "Where can I buy a wedding dress for my brother's fiance"

DORK!

You're a JOKE of a VENDOR. You're UNREPUTABLE and RIDICULOUS.

Misty

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