Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!

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SpideyBridey Posts : 66 Registered: 5/17/09
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 11:51 AM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

hahaha..well said Cat!!!

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FutureMrsDJLeo Posts : 615 Registered: 2/26/09
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 2:54 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

Alteast the vendors advice is hinting to the OP that other people are wedding dress shopping at the same time she is, LOL! (Hopefully none of those people would be dumb enough to go through this vendor though, who somehow has a business, but can't even use correct grammar).


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Amandaevelyn Posts : 2 Registered: 12/29/09
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 29, 2009 4:10 PM Go to message in response to: Will825

That is what happens when you get engaged around the Holidays. You do not have time to celebrate your own engagement before someone you know gets engaged as well. I kind of ran into this when planning my wedding.

My very close friend, whom I am a BM in her wedding, got engaged around Christmas last year and planned a June 6th for this upcoming year. Then I got engaged in May and when it came time to schedule my wedding, there were really no other options but to do it the weekend before hers. We live in a VERY small town with one venue and one church and it fills up 2 years or more in advance for perfered dates.

I wanted a summer wedding, and other than 4th of July weekend, it was the only date the church and hall were available. So, I went to her and told her that I felt realy bad for scheduling my wedding the weekend before, but there was not anything I could do about it. She was kind of upset, who wouldn't be, but we worked through it and it is fine now.

We saw some of the positives to come out of it, we will both be in fit shape for both weddings. We have some of the same BM's so they will only have the expense of getting nails and tanning once. It worked out for us.

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headoverheels8 Posts : 80 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 30, 2009 2:29 AM Go to message in response to: labellavitaxo

So a VERY similair thing happened to me. My FSIL is 25 and is 2 years older than my FH and has been dating her FH for about 1/2 the time my FH and I have been dating (3 years). (sorry if that was sorta confusing) They got engaged a month before my FH and I got engaged. But they're not getting married for a year and a half and we're getting married in 5 months. She's totally fine with it even though we are younger and got engaged after them. She's even one of my bridesmaids and has been so helpful to me. I think you should get married when you want to and don't worry about what your brother is doing. As long as your wedding is not in the same month as your brothers there really isn't anything to worry about. My FH's family is super excited about our wedding but they also talk about my FSIL's wedding all the time too. It isn't a competition. I don't understand why people (especially brides) feel like they have to out due everyone else. Your wedding day should be about you and your FH. Relax.

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WoostaBride Posts : 220 Registered: 6/8/09
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 30, 2009 3:31 AM Go to message in response to: LilTuffGirl

Liltuff,
I just had to chime in. Of course there's the possibility that things will go wrong on your wedding day, but why crush a girl's dream that it will be magical? I hate these types of posts that make it seem that wishing and hoping, and God forbid even EXPECTING your wedding to be everything you dreamed of is a crime. There's no need for crushing hopes. I realize as I'm going through this stressful planning period that I will probably be a gigantic ball of stress until the day is finally over,( and that many things will not be as I'd hoped ), but I'd like to at least falsely convince myself that everything will work out perfect in the end. Let a girl dream, and leave it at that...

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 30, 2009 8:14 AM Go to message in response to: WoostaBride

Woosta -

I'll say this, I think if as a bride (heck even as a person in life) if you get too set that everything HAS to be this way, you're going to run into problems. If you're a little more flexible in your outlook, then you deal better with some of the curveballs.

That said - even with the things that maybe 'went' wrong on my WD - you know what - it was PERFECT! It was the day I had imagined - maybe the road there changed up a little bit and MAYBE, like when my 70-yo aunt got wasted during the reception - I decided - NOT my problem, she's not driving and I'm NOT going to worry about it. Even when she made an a$$ of her on the dance floor.

I understand where LilTuffGirl was coming from, I also feel like right now the OP is borrowing trouble at this point and she seriously has enough on her plate with now trying to plan a wedding and the intricacies involved.

 

 

 

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 30, 2009 8:54 AM Go to message in response to: WoostaBride

Hey Wootsa.

There were hiccups on my wedding day. But it was still wonderful. My husband and I still had a wonderful time, happy guests, and everything that wasn't exactly as planned... well, we were the only ones who knew.

The worry I always had was that the thing would turn out to be a mess...and then AOTBs "private thoughts" moment that guests have ... where they in their heads think "good lord, this couple is idiotic and completely unorganized. Awful planning". That's what I was worried about.

But what I have had from everyone was that it was the most beautiful and meaningful wedding they'd been to. Plan for yourselves..and respect your guests. And you'll have a wonderful day!

Misty

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 30, 2009 9:07 AM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

My husband and I still had a wonderful time, happy guests, and
everything that wasn't exactly as planned... well, we were the only
ones who knew.

Oh that's the other thing - most people have NO clue about what EXACTLY is supposed to happen, so if you just go with it, they have no idea.

That's SO funny that you mentioned the private vs public expression - my family friends showed up with their baby (who wasn't invited). I KNOW my aunt who got wasted was probably pissed because I didn't let my one cousin bring her kids, they were under the age limit. I actually figured that she might have said something to me about it, but she didn't. thank god. I might have told her what I really thought too and they might have been a bad thing. LOL

 

 

 

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VivaLasVegasBride Posts : 52 Registered: 1/9/09
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Dec 30, 2009 12:51 PM Go to message in response to: labellavitaxo

I really don't get what the big deal is, really. My FH proposed to me in late June, then FSIL got engaged in early August. She set her date in March and then changed it to January 9th when she got pregnant, and FH and I set our date at July 17th. Well fast forward to the day before Thanksgiving when we got some news that I have some serious health problems and we should get married ASAP. So we changed our date to 3 weeks after FSIL, January 30th. So we both got engaged around the same time and now both are weddings are around the same time, but are we butt hurt? No. Her day will be her day, and my day will be my day. We're even helping each other out by sharing some decorations, gift card holder, etc. So instead of thinking me, me, me, why don't you extend the olive branch to your FSIL and you can help each other. On your day, it will be all about you, but the months leading up to it, aren't.


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WoostaBride Posts : 220 Registered: 6/8/09
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Jan 1, 2010 6:30 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Oh, I agree. I'm not expecting that things HAVE to go a certain way or the whole day will be ruined. I just think that amongst all of the stress, chaos and emotions of planning a wedding that why the hell not convince yourself that everything will go off without a hitch?! When the day comes and minor things go wrong they won't seem as bad because everyone will be wrapped up in the whole day....right now if I think iabout things going wrong, all I have is time to stress. We all know that life isn't a fairytale, but hell, it's nice to pretend sometimes.

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Soon2BMrsCollins Posts : 54 Registered: 12/17/08
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Feb 26, 2010 7:15 PM Go to message in response to: labellavitaxo

I know exactly how you feel. My brother got engaged literally 10 days after me. It was a complete shock to my family, which I think was more of the problem, and I use that word loosely, then being overshadowed. They are getting married in June 4 months before I get married in October. Even though my brother assured my mom he would wait until after. Unfortunately there really isn't anything that can be done. And if your brother is anything like mine his gf is probably running the show and calling the shots. I'm sure he didn't do it to upstage you or compete with you.

Just focus on your day. Because that is most important. And if you an his gf have a good relationship, then you have a planning buddy, which is always helpful. I'm sure everything will be fine.


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merriemoon Posts : 10 Registered: 7/13/09
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Mar 9, 2010 3:42 AM Go to message in response to: labellavitaxo

I rarely post on here, but I went through such a similar situation I had to respond.

My FH and I knew each other from when we wer very young and even dated in HS, but did not start seriously dating until about 3 years ago. We knew almost immediately that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and "planned" on getting engaged this past Feb (we live in FL and want a beach wedding and that's the ideal month for us).

Since we needed time to plan, we both talked about planning to be engaged around last Feb. However, his older brother had been dating the same girl for about 5 years and we didn't want to make her feel bad if we got engaged before them. My FH had a time line that basically he would ask me sometime between last Feb and July because they were moving and he wanted his brother to be around to celebrate with us when he asked me (this basically gave them a time table to get engaged before us, but we also didn't want to postpone our marriage because of their situation)

His brother finally asked his gf around the end of April and we were so happy for them. We allowed them to have some time to celebrate, and my FH even waited until after their engagement party in June (because we didn't think it would be right for me to show up also engaged).

My FH finally asked me early July, since they were about to move and like I said, we wanted them to be around to be happy with us. This turned out to completely backfire. When my FH called his brother to tell him the news, his brother was angry and cold. When we saw them the next night for dinner with their father, they pretty much blew us off and instead of saying congrats, the first thing his brother did was ask me if I was knocked up. I ended up crying on the phone to my mother not even 24 hours after we got engaged. They were so cold and pretty much threw a fit to his entire family about how horrible we were for stealing their moment.

Even though my FH and I spoke about getting engaged and about waiting for them to first but still wanting them to be around, I never had any real control over when I was asked, yet I was the one suffering for it. They set their date for this month, and to avoid any more drama (but mainly to give us enough time to plan) we postponed our initial plans and are getting married in Feb 2011 instead of this past Feb.


I just share this story, because it's so important to remember that there are always different sides to a story and no one deserves to be made to feel so horrible immediately after they get engaged. I'm sure you aren't taking it out on your future sister in law, but in my situation, everything was taken out on me, so I can't help but totally relating to the other side of your story. Weddings are such exciting things and hopefully you guys can use this as a bonding experience. Share your wedding excitedment together and your wedding woes and become an even closer family. I really wish that was the case in my situation, because I really love my inlaws, but instead of looking at this as a negative, you can turn in around and have fun with it.

There's always enough love and happiness to go around!

Congrats on your engagement and good luck with all of your planning!!!

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VLady7 Posts : 2 Registered: 3/10/10
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Mar 17, 2010 1:37 AM Go to message in response to: labellavitaxo

I totally understand where you're coming from! My sister and my fiance's brother got engaged within a couple months of us and we are all getting married a month apart. It does take some extra coordination because a wedding is more than just the day itself - there are also the fittings, bachelorette party, shower, rehearsal, etc. It sounds like you are also conscious of giving every girl her own special time, so I'm sure you'll make sure everyone in your family has the full wedding experience.

Our key is to keep everyone updated as soon as we make a decision, emailing family and close friends of important dates. Keeping an up-to-date website is also a good way to inform your loved ones and serve as a reminder of your plans. I always check with my sister and future sister-in-law before making plans to ensure we don't have a conflict, and since we are in each other's weddings we are actually sharing some of the decor and such, so it's a good way to save money if you have similar taste.

We are also aware that weddings can be expensive for everyone involved, including guests, so we set up a charity registry as one of our registry options. That way, people have the option to support a cause that is close to our hearts in any amount they are comfortable with. Juts a suggestion, I am hoping it takes some of the pressure off when guests have to attend back-to-back weddings.

Good luck with your planning!

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jackson132 Posts : 1,623 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: Help my brother asked his Girlfriend to marry a month after me!
Posted: Sep 15, 2012 9:25 PM Go to message in response to: labellavitaxo

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