My heart goes out to you girl. I can tell you are in major pain. It sounds like you feel very alone right now. I am glad that you are posting so you can get some support from the ladies here. People here do care about you and what happens to you.
I worry that you may be depressed. Are you taking an antidepressant along with the Xanax? Xanax is great for panic and severe anxiety but can really get you in trouble with addiction. Just be very careful with it, okay? Is there any way you would consider seeing a counselor this week? Does your insurance cover it? I really feel you need to talk to someone.
If you want to private email me, please feel free. I see you are in NC. I live in Charlotte. I know how it feels to be in a new place away from everyone you know and love.
Take care. Francie Elaine
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, Robin.
You sound like a lovely woman- very caring and patient. You deserve a lot more than what that chump was giving you. It appears like he was having a mid life crisis of sorts- wanting to go hang out with the boys in the bars again and come home to his momma's basement. Ugh! Why?! Because he's scared. He probably knows that he doesn't deserve to marry a woman with your grace. And instead of bettering himself, he took the easy way. His leaving is not a response to you, it's a testament to his laziness and immaturity. The man is a coward.
It is hard to lose someone who filled so many roles in your life, but he obviously didn't fill them very well. And while his threats of abuse is horrible, the neglect is much more so. The opposite of love is not hate.... it is apathy. Even if a couple argues heatedly for hours, there remains something to work with- passion. It's when he doesn't care about wedding plans, could care less where you are, doesn't think to give you a kiss- that's when it is over.
You will find passion again, and it will be amazing.
Pack up any remaining items he may have, and get them over to his mothers house as fast as you can.